No such thing as free...

Today Will called to tell me exciting news.  A woman he met had three miniature horses to give away.  A stallion and two mares.  He was telling me how beautiful the stallion was and they were the perfect price, they were FREE!  The woman was excited to hear I was a horse person already, why, Will and I would be the perfect home for her horses.  I told Will we had a bad connection and that he was breaking up....in fact I was going to hang up because the connection was so bad.

You see, the thing about "free" horses is that they are not truly free.  They may be mini horses, but their feed bill is not free, their vet bills and farrier bills are not free either.  In fact, the farrier may charge us extra for him to roll out one of those rolling things mechanics use to work under trucks.  I'm certain of it. Mini horses crap too.  We are still going to have to clean up after them.  And where in the hell am I going to put them?  I can't put them out with the big horses.  I can't have my mini stallion dry humping the big horses knees when he wants action.  Maybe I could give them open range in the yard with the wiener dogs.  I envision that Jack-in-the-box commercial where they were singing the mini sirloin burger song and the mini cowboys were on the mini horses herding mini cattle. "Yippe yi ya...mini sirloin burgers..."

Then I got to thinking, we already live in a little house, we have mini wiener dogs, now mini horses?  It isn't like we are the keebler elves.  We are big people, what the heck are we doing with little animals that just make us look bigger?  What's next? A smart car?  A moped? Why don't I run down and buy some "fun size" candy bars, Barbie's dream house and maybe a mini sirloin burger at Jack-in-the-Box?  I don't want our farm to look like an episode of Gulliver's Travels, or like King Kong taking to the big city.

NO. MINIATURE. HORSES...

...But if I did, I would name the stallion Mini-Ha-Ha, and his mares Spirit and Littlefoot.  I would pet them and comb their manes and bring them in the house and I would love them and care for them and they would be the cutest miniature horses....EVER.  Crap. I just named them. I'm sunk.

Dammit, Will.