The iPant...caffeine for your butt?

Some people might mock me for reading Cosmo magazine, but you know what, you really can learn some interesting things in there.  Of course, a lot of it is total crap, but today I came across something that could be the answer to my prayers and every woman I know.  It's called iPant Anti-Cellulite Shapewear.  This product looks like Spanx, but get this, upon reading the fine print, this underwear doesn't just suck your fat in, it actually claims to have "embedded  microcapsules containing caffeine to promote fat destruction; vitamin E to prevent the effects of aging; ceramides to restore and maintain the skin's smoothness; and retinol and aloe vera to moisturize and increase the firmness of the skin."  Are you freaking kidding me?  My ass and thighs are going to be so happy and energized, I won't be able to keep still!  I'm thinking I am  going to go buy a whole bunch of them and make a body suit.  I could literally be MELTING the fat away by wearing this stuff!  Of course the girl in the picture doesn't need the iPant, she is a freaking size 2....but wait, maybe she used to look just like me. Maybe the iPant SAVED HER LIFE.  And damn if her thighs don't look smooth.

I looked the product up online and for just $60.00 and 100 washes the aloe vera stays right in the shapewear. This is amazing!  And, if someone gets hurt, you can just rub your ass on them and the aloe vera can actually save someone else's life.  I mean, it doesn't say that, but I can only imagine a product as amazing as this must have super powers. And another great thing is they actually have one that has gel in the tush so that you get that shape you want after these panties have diminished your ass to almost NOTHING.

I do have concerns about something that is getting my ass hopped up on caffeine. I mean, it's never been jittery or excitable before.  Is it going to be like I have ants in the pants?  It says  the darn thing shapes and sculpts and releases ingredients as you walk around.  Am I going to feel like I just crapped my pants?  Are my pants going to fit in the morning, but by afternoon just fall off?  Do I need to bring a change of clothes? And, if I don't make it into a body suit, will I have a fat belly, but a tiny ass and thighs?

In the end, no pun intended, I don't know if I am ready for something that is allegedly "releasing" things into my butt and thighs as I navigate through daily life.  I might wait on this. If any of you try this out, let me know how that goes and if your butt and thighs really are lively and young looking after the fact.

Thanks for this informative advertising, Cosmo. Maybe tomorrow I will get to the article titled "What your Va-jay-jay is dying to tell you."  I had no idea my va-jay-jay was trying to communicate....geez, and I always thought I was  good listener. Go figure.