Open Items for Wednesday

First, I'd like to thank my dogs for abiding by the pet & pet owner co-habitation contract and peeing outside on command and without need for spray bottle or spurs.

Second, to all of you that were disappointed my hair extensions did not make a debut today, I apologize.  I will try and work up the courage to wear them tomorrow.  I looked like Lindsay Lohan during a mug shot. It was unpleasant and I had concerns.  I promise, tomorrow, no matter how bad I look, I will make it a point to brave it for you.  Because amusing you is apparently my job, somehow.

Next, I'd like to talk about Safeway and their clear discrimination against people that are running late and need a sandwich.  Specifically, I'd like to address their sandwich that they sell for $2.49 (plus tax) that is located in the convenience case close to the front doors.  While I appreciate you went to all that work to cut the bread and throw a slice of ham, a slice of turkey, one tomato slice and a haggard piece of lettuce on there, I think I deserve more, like, say...a condiment. I'm lucky I didn't get your three inch think french bread lodged in my esophagus, while choking it down dry.  Just because I am running late doesn't mean I'm a bad person. It doesn't mean I don't appreciate a good sandwich. It's not like I am rummaging in the dumpster behind McDonald's.  I came into your store with minimal expectations and you couldn't even rise to those standards. Safeway, you suck.  And, I couldn't go to Jack in the Box because I wasn't having a good hair day.  THEY have standards.  I guess I have to pack a jar of mayo in my purse to survive these rugged times.

Now, I'd like to talk about mens fashion.  I think we are all agreed, that for women, a muffin top is not appealing and while some display it with some sort of pride that even The Lion King can't equal, it is wrong. For men, you really have a problem if you are rocking a keg or even a six pack hanging low.  You either put your pants under the belly or you brave it and go over the belly and rock it like a Weeble-Wobble.  Whatever your choice, I respect that.  I draw the line at what I saw today.  A mens pant should not have a waistband that doubles as an empir (sp? empire) waistline.  If your pants are so far up that the zipper is almost rubbing on your pecks and forcing your "buddies" up inside you, this is not healthy.  I don't care if you are wearing underpants so massive that you don't get a wedgie, this is not okay.  My only request if you are going to low-ride under the keg is, make sure the belly is covered.  I don't want to see your hairy bellybutton. Ever.

In administrative news, I'd like to claim an Epic Fail today.  I just want to say, that had I known I was supposed to check the voice mail belonging to someone very important to my employment, starting back in April, I surely would have done that. However, I did take an hour out of my day today to listen to all those messages and some of them seemed pretty important.  On the upside, I bet all those problems have resolved themselves by now, so, am I really a bad admin or am I a problem solving genius? I don't think I need to tell you which way I'm leaning here.

I think that covers it.