This could be TMI...

I think my insides have formed "An Extraordinary League of Organs" and are getting ready to tunnel out through the back.  I've had this stabbing pain for a few days and I think what is happening is that my body is calling bullshit on the amount of cellulite that has come to settle in these vast lands.  I picture angry villagers with their torches and spears.  They are in The Core and they are headed to the Open Range where stretch marks and stressed out skin play.  Not even my FCD (fat controlling device) can harness the rage.  I think the gall bladder is spear heading this expedition and getting everyone else pissed off.  My body has collected enough money to hire Billy the Spleen and the charge is on.  I truly am afraid I will be sitting at work and I am going to explode like a watermelon that has a stick of dynamite in it.  I'll be like ol faithful, and everything will just shoot out at high velocity.

I'm not saying it will happen, but I'm saying the chances are good.  I try not to be a hypochondriac but the signs are there.  To any of my co-workers, I wouldn't be wearing silk or any other delicate fabrics if you are going to be around me in the next week or so. Just to be safe.  Will says I over dramatize these things, but I think it is best to be prepared for worst case scenario, don't you?

Or, do you ever see those little key chains at the party store or any random souvenir shop where it is a cute little animal, but you squish it and either the eyes pop out or some sort of gross poop bubble comes out of it's butt?  Well, let's just say, no one should hug me very hard this week due to the impending geyser that is expected to come out of my back.

Consider this your warning.  To those of you expecting more of me this evening, it's all I have. I can't focus with my organs in distress.