Well, it's that time. It's the end of another year. The last few years I have done kind of a year in review blog, so I thought I should probably keep up with tradition. I've kind of struggled with what to write about and a friend challenged me to think of seven positive things that happened during 2016 and to write about that. So, she wants me to do a positive spin. Huh. I mean, I can try that...I guess.
Let me think...seven positive things in 2016...
So, I think the year got off to a pretty bumpy start with having to move over Christmas last year when we didn't want to and then having a series of things go wrong shortly thereafter, but I am thankful that we settled in and made it work no matter how many things died under our house. To date, we have extracted two dead possums and one dead rat. To be fair, one of my friends, Lula Death Roe, has a husband that is in the "extraction" business. This dead animal super hero was kind enough to extract the first dead animal for us and I felt the worst must be behind us. However, months later another one showed up. Due to it's location, we we were able to get it out. We sent it back to nature as a warning to the other animals seeking a burial plot under our house and prayed that would be the end of it. We were not that lucky. Months after the second one we had an unbelievable third dead animal. Once again, the dead animal super hero came out and got it taken care of. I am so thankful that Lula Death Roe and her dead animal super hero husband bestowed such kindness upon us and helped us as that is a very expensive thing to hire someone to do. It is unknown how much longer it will be before death is once again upon us, however, we pray it doesn't happen any time soon. These almost quarterly deaths must stop in 2017. They just must.
So, that's two things, settling in and the gift of dead animal removal.
Another thing that I am thankful for is that my horses were able to go to my Mom's house in the middle of winter and be cared for. Even though Mom was already full up with ponies and had no room at the Inn, she took in my ponies as if they were Mary and Joseph looking for a place to have the baby Jesus. (I may have gone a little too far with that analogy but it was a pretty big deal to me.) She kept them until the spring and then my good friend Pal-O-Mino said, "bring Lola over and let her be our cow's friend and eat down our pasture." I took Lola over there and I was able to start riding her more and spending more time with Pal-O-Mino. I had missed my relationship with Pal-O-Mino very much and now I had someone to ride with and to take me places to ride. This really allowed me a lot of opportunity to ride. I had missed that so much at the cabin where there was no good place to ride and the ground was so hard during the dry months. I was very thankful for that. Later this fall, when I needed to find a place for Scruffy to be, Pal-O-Mino took her in as well and now Scruffy will get to be her son's horse. My heart could not be happier that both of my ponies are safe and sound and again I find myself grateful for the generosity and friendship I have with Pal-O-Mino.
I think that counted as two things, so that brings me up to four.
This year has involved a lot of depression, a lot of hopelessness and a lot of giving up. I am thankful that I have a loving husband, even if he has no idea what to do with my hopeless self, he is here, always. I am thankful for all of my family and friends. The amount of support I get from them is truly unbelievable. Without them, keeping my head above water would not be possible. I don't know what I do to deserve their undying support, but I never take that for granted. The are truly amazing and appreciated. They get me. No matter how dark the day or how negative the post I may put on FB, they get it and they are along for the ride without complaint. (I mean, sometimes they message Shark Bait and ask if I'm okay, or if I've lost my mind or if I need to be under surveillance...) Some of the people I have become friends with on the book of the face I have never even met in person, but somehow, we have created a kinship that is supportive and caring. I mean, sure, some people are just here to read about when I am stuck in the bathroom in stall number one with my bracelet stuck to my tights on my butt as I'm tucking things in. Other people want to know when I take a pair of scissors into the bathroom and cut off an FCD. Sometimes people just want to know when something dies under my house and stinks for weeks, or when my dog does something cute or when I mock Shark Bait for doing something naughty. Whatever the reason, I'm thankful you are here.
I'm pretty sure that being thankful for Shark Bait and for my family and friends is two things, that brings me to six. I've got to pick one more thing I'm grateful for in 2016. My job? My health? My dog? My ponies? I mean, yeah, but this last thing needs to be the icing on the cake, right?
I think the final thing I can be thankful for in 2016 is that it showed me that giving up and losing hope is not the answer to get where I want to be. I have read over some of my past year in review blogs and there were times when I had hope, there were times when I realized some success, but there were many times I doubted myself. Doubting is a self-fulfilling prophecy. I was not confident the weight loss surgery would work. I was scared it wouldn't. I was worried what I would do if the weight came back. Well, lucky me, I have the answers to those questions. It's time to regroup. I'm too old for this crap. I don't know how many tomorrows are left and I can't continue to waste it in the hopes that someday it will work out. I get pissed at all those memes with all that positive bullshit about believing in yourself and trying hard and not expecting things to work out unless you do the work and all that crap. I mean, who wants to hear that? So much positivity, blech. But, the one that makes the most sense to me is, "You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one." I've been doing a lot of re-reading, unfortunately. That and Cosmo magazine. I still haven't figured out the perfect smokey eye or where that one spot is everyone is talking about...
Someone said to me recently in a pretty intense conversation, "Cassondra, you need to stop thinking about how you don't like your hair, how you need to lose weight, whether you like your job or not, how much money you do or don't have and start thinking about and being thankful for what you do have. People aren't wrapped up in the things you don't have, people don't see you like that and it's time you start thinking about the things you do have and find joy in that. You are so wrapped up in what you don't have, you can't see what you do." Ouch....but on some days, maybe many days, that is true. What if...what if I try something different this year? What if I try and give a little positivity a chance? I've said it before, but maybe I try a little harder.
Maybe I'll start making memes of my own! Maybe my memes will become as popular as that mother trucking freaking Squatty Potty unicorn shitting rainbow ice cream cones. I'd like to be thankful for no one posting that damn thing to my wall again. Please. I can't even look at rainbow sherbet anymore.
Let me think...seven positive things in 2016...
So, I think the year got off to a pretty bumpy start with having to move over Christmas last year when we didn't want to and then having a series of things go wrong shortly thereafter, but I am thankful that we settled in and made it work no matter how many things died under our house. To date, we have extracted two dead possums and one dead rat. To be fair, one of my friends, Lula Death Roe, has a husband that is in the "extraction" business. This dead animal super hero was kind enough to extract the first dead animal for us and I felt the worst must be behind us. However, months later another one showed up. Due to it's location, we we were able to get it out. We sent it back to nature as a warning to the other animals seeking a burial plot under our house and prayed that would be the end of it. We were not that lucky. Months after the second one we had an unbelievable third dead animal. Once again, the dead animal super hero came out and got it taken care of. I am so thankful that Lula Death Roe and her dead animal super hero husband bestowed such kindness upon us and helped us as that is a very expensive thing to hire someone to do. It is unknown how much longer it will be before death is once again upon us, however, we pray it doesn't happen any time soon. These almost quarterly deaths must stop in 2017. They just must.
So, that's two things, settling in and the gift of dead animal removal.
Another thing that I am thankful for is that my horses were able to go to my Mom's house in the middle of winter and be cared for. Even though Mom was already full up with ponies and had no room at the Inn, she took in my ponies as if they were Mary and Joseph looking for a place to have the baby Jesus. (I may have gone a little too far with that analogy but it was a pretty big deal to me.) She kept them until the spring and then my good friend Pal-O-Mino said, "bring Lola over and let her be our cow's friend and eat down our pasture." I took Lola over there and I was able to start riding her more and spending more time with Pal-O-Mino. I had missed my relationship with Pal-O-Mino very much and now I had someone to ride with and to take me places to ride. This really allowed me a lot of opportunity to ride. I had missed that so much at the cabin where there was no good place to ride and the ground was so hard during the dry months. I was very thankful for that. Later this fall, when I needed to find a place for Scruffy to be, Pal-O-Mino took her in as well and now Scruffy will get to be her son's horse. My heart could not be happier that both of my ponies are safe and sound and again I find myself grateful for the generosity and friendship I have with Pal-O-Mino.
I think that counted as two things, so that brings me up to four.
This year has involved a lot of depression, a lot of hopelessness and a lot of giving up. I am thankful that I have a loving husband, even if he has no idea what to do with my hopeless self, he is here, always. I am thankful for all of my family and friends. The amount of support I get from them is truly unbelievable. Without them, keeping my head above water would not be possible. I don't know what I do to deserve their undying support, but I never take that for granted. The are truly amazing and appreciated. They get me. No matter how dark the day or how negative the post I may put on FB, they get it and they are along for the ride without complaint. (I mean, sometimes they message Shark Bait and ask if I'm okay, or if I've lost my mind or if I need to be under surveillance...) Some of the people I have become friends with on the book of the face I have never even met in person, but somehow, we have created a kinship that is supportive and caring. I mean, sure, some people are just here to read about when I am stuck in the bathroom in stall number one with my bracelet stuck to my tights on my butt as I'm tucking things in. Other people want to know when I take a pair of scissors into the bathroom and cut off an FCD. Sometimes people just want to know when something dies under my house and stinks for weeks, or when my dog does something cute or when I mock Shark Bait for doing something naughty. Whatever the reason, I'm thankful you are here.
I'm pretty sure that being thankful for Shark Bait and for my family and friends is two things, that brings me to six. I've got to pick one more thing I'm grateful for in 2016. My job? My health? My dog? My ponies? I mean, yeah, but this last thing needs to be the icing on the cake, right?
I think the final thing I can be thankful for in 2016 is that it showed me that giving up and losing hope is not the answer to get where I want to be. I have read over some of my past year in review blogs and there were times when I had hope, there were times when I realized some success, but there were many times I doubted myself. Doubting is a self-fulfilling prophecy. I was not confident the weight loss surgery would work. I was scared it wouldn't. I was worried what I would do if the weight came back. Well, lucky me, I have the answers to those questions. It's time to regroup. I'm too old for this crap. I don't know how many tomorrows are left and I can't continue to waste it in the hopes that someday it will work out. I get pissed at all those memes with all that positive bullshit about believing in yourself and trying hard and not expecting things to work out unless you do the work and all that crap. I mean, who wants to hear that? So much positivity, blech. But, the one that makes the most sense to me is, "You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one." I've been doing a lot of re-reading, unfortunately. That and Cosmo magazine. I still haven't figured out the perfect smokey eye or where that one spot is everyone is talking about...
Someone said to me recently in a pretty intense conversation, "Cassondra, you need to stop thinking about how you don't like your hair, how you need to lose weight, whether you like your job or not, how much money you do or don't have and start thinking about and being thankful for what you do have. People aren't wrapped up in the things you don't have, people don't see you like that and it's time you start thinking about the things you do have and find joy in that. You are so wrapped up in what you don't have, you can't see what you do." Ouch....but on some days, maybe many days, that is true. What if...what if I try something different this year? What if I try and give a little positivity a chance? I've said it before, but maybe I try a little harder.
Maybe I'll start making memes of my own! Maybe my memes will become as popular as that mother trucking freaking Squatty Potty unicorn shitting rainbow ice cream cones. I'd like to be thankful for no one posting that damn thing to my wall again. Please. I can't even look at rainbow sherbet anymore.
