*** Disclaimer, if you have not yet seen the movie Sausage Party and would like to not have the movie spoiled for you, please do not read this blog. I mean, even if you do read it, you probably will still be able to watch the movie and be surprised. ***
I haven't blogged in a while, but tonight I feel like I should get all of these thoughts out of my head. I can't attempt sleep with all these thoughts...I'll have nightmares. So bear with me, this is going to be a little rambly, but I need to try and make sense out of something I experienced tonight.
My sister wanted to go see the movie Sausage Party. I had seen the trailer and knew it would likely be crude humor, but I had no idea as to the depths of crudity I would be taken to. I can honestly say I have never experienced a movie like this. And, I say "experienced" because I didn't just watch it, I experienced emotions and confusion at levels I have not reached before.
I should start by saying that the majority of the audience was male. Of that majority, I would say a large percentage may or may not have partaken in a little weed before the show. You probably think I'm exaggerating, but when the movie started and the opening scene was of a grocery store and the guys behind me burst out in laughter like they had just watched a buddy slip on some jiz, I knew their experience would be enhanced.
I'm not going to give you a blow by blow of the movie (no pun intended), but suffice it to say, the food talks. And the food has a foul mouth. Like, if there was a way to use the word "fuck" it was used. If there was a way to make a sexual innuendo, it was made. They used the "C" word. I would first like to ask, how does the food know how to talk like that and where did it learn so much about sex? If they had never been away from the store, where did this knowledge come from? Look, I'm not trying to pick the movie apart, but I have questions. I mean, the hot dogs were talking to the buns and they knew stuff. They were planning on burying some sausage, if you know what I mean. Okay, that's funny, ha ha ha. Cute even, right? Yeah.
Shit got real in the movie when a woman came in the store to do some shopping. She had all the stuff for a great holiday weekend, her buns, hot dogs, chips, mustard, etc. but then she also got some douche because apparently she had a situation up in her girl bits. We got a great shot of her scratching it for affect. Lovely. So, anyway, a chain of events lead to her crashing her cart into someone else's cart and then some of the items ended up on the floor. One of those items was the douche. The douche was damaged in the fall, so now he is really angry because he really wanted the va jay jay. He ends up getting cleaned up off the floor by the clerk and ends up in the dumpster. We find him later, with a bent applicator and vengence burning in his soul. He realizes he has a leak, but spies a dying juice box with a hole in it's crotch. He then sucks the juice box dry from the crotch and becomes strong. He finds a sticker and puts it over his leak and he is good to go. Now he is enraged and wants to find the hot dog and the bun chick and make them pay for him not being able to dispense his douche into the human woman. This is an intense story line, people.
I can't really tell you everything that happens because some of the time my hand was over my mouth in horror, sometimes I was looking away, sometimes I was just in shock with my mouth hanging open wondering what I was witnessing. All I know for sure is that some little stubby hot dog, that was teased by the other hot dogs for being stubby (but was assured girth is important, too), managed to get away from a human in her home, get onto the streets, find a drug dealer, ends up at his house and SPOILER ALERT kills the druggie (kind of) that was high on bath salts and then brings his head back to the store. How does a hot dog cover that kind of ground? How does a hot dog lift a severed head? And, if you are high on bath salts, can you really talk to food? I'm not going to get high on bath salts to find out, but it begs the question, does food, other than Taco Bell on the way out, talk? I may never know.
There are so many turns in this movie. There is a horny lesbian Taco named Teresa del Taco that is lusting after the bun chick, but she doesn't want to anger the Gods, there is a Jewish bagel and what I believe to be a Middle Eastern tortilla shell that kind of looked like a burrito, but may have been a Flauta or something like that. I missed that part. Anyway, they hated each other because hello, Jewish vs. Middle Eastern, I guess. It's complicated, but I knew it was some cultural stereo-type. Food is so judgy an I didn't even know.
At one point the hot dog was smoking a pipe with the Firewater guy and some really angry Gritts and a Twinkie and that got weird. The Gritts hated the Crackers because they took the good shelf space from the Gritts. Again, it's complicated being a non-perishable. There is no way a perishable food could possibly understand. Must be a perishable privilege kind of thing.
All the while, the angry douche was seeking the bun chick, the hot dog, the bagel and the weird tortilla thing with a mustache. The hot dog is all trying to tell all the food in the store that they don't really want to leave the store with the "Gods" aka humans, because what is going to happen to them when they leave is not good. The stubby hot dog and the bun chick eventually show the hot dog that the way he is trying to shove all his beliefs on the food is wrong, that is not the right way to send a message.
I don't want to ruin the movie for anyone...if that is actually possible that any of this will make sense if you haven't seen the movie, but suffice to say, stubby hot dog, along with a piece of chewing gum in a wheel chair that looked and sounded like Steven Hawking, saved the day in a BIG way.
The celebration part at the end of the movie left me sitting in my chair with my mouth open, I didn't know where to look, I didn't know what to say, there were no words, I was just paralyzed in shock as my sister sat next to me laughing so hard she had tears running down her face and she could not stop. I finally yelled, "WHAT AM I WATCHING??!!" My expression was a little like this:
I mean, the hot dog was having sex with the bun chick, but wait, Teresa del Taco was going down on the hot dog chick while the hot dog was jerking off with the bagel and the tortilla looking guy. Next thing I know, anal beads are coming out of the hot dog chick's ass. The bagel and the angry tortilla looking guy had sex, a lot of sex. The bagel said his hole needed to rest and the tortilla said he had great recovery time. The gritts were giving it to the crackers really hard. The human clerk guy was trying to defend himself but the angry douche found him and crawled up in his pants and shoved his applicator up the clerk's ass. Then the douche pulled the sausage in and started to try and eat him. I mean...it was intense. I didn't know how to feel, what to think. I just sat in horror.
I don't know how any of that food learned how to be that dirty. I don't know where they learned those moves. Shark Bait said he felt like he needed a cigarette when it was all over. I've never been a watcher of porn, but I felt dirty watching food have sex with whatever got in it's path.
Aside from all of that, I think there was an undertone of acceptance, an undertone of just believing whatever is told to you because everyone else believes it is bad, an undertone of how to affect change. But mostly it was food saying "fuck" and then actually fucking...a lot.
Look, I don't know what is going to happen to all that food now that the humans are contained, but I would assume the produce will rot, but with all that sex going on, it is possible they could reproduce. I don't know how that works, genetically or scientifically speaking, with cross breeding food. I mean, will the hot dog and the bun chick have little pigs in a blanket babies? I don't know for sure.
I know there is a lot I am leaving out, a lot that is out of sequence, but I was like a cat watching a laser beam on the wall, not knowing where it was going next. Some things I may have blocked out for my own mental health. Oh, and there was a talking used condom. He used the word spooge and I didn't know anyone used that word besides me. I think that is all I can remember. I hope so.
I hear they are going to make a sequel. I don't know how it could possibly get any raunchier, but I suspect with enough booze and pot, they will find a way.
This has been a confused person movie review. If this made no sense to you, then I have captured it perfectly.
P.S. I will not be eating hot dogs anytime in the near future, but we did go to Taco Bell on the way home after the movie and I'm not sure what that says about us, or if it means anything. I'm still feeling confused.
I haven't blogged in a while, but tonight I feel like I should get all of these thoughts out of my head. I can't attempt sleep with all these thoughts...I'll have nightmares. So bear with me, this is going to be a little rambly, but I need to try and make sense out of something I experienced tonight.
My sister wanted to go see the movie Sausage Party. I had seen the trailer and knew it would likely be crude humor, but I had no idea as to the depths of crudity I would be taken to. I can honestly say I have never experienced a movie like this. And, I say "experienced" because I didn't just watch it, I experienced emotions and confusion at levels I have not reached before.
I should start by saying that the majority of the audience was male. Of that majority, I would say a large percentage may or may not have partaken in a little weed before the show. You probably think I'm exaggerating, but when the movie started and the opening scene was of a grocery store and the guys behind me burst out in laughter like they had just watched a buddy slip on some jiz, I knew their experience would be enhanced.
I'm not going to give you a blow by blow of the movie (no pun intended), but suffice it to say, the food talks. And the food has a foul mouth. Like, if there was a way to use the word "fuck" it was used. If there was a way to make a sexual innuendo, it was made. They used the "C" word. I would first like to ask, how does the food know how to talk like that and where did it learn so much about sex? If they had never been away from the store, where did this knowledge come from? Look, I'm not trying to pick the movie apart, but I have questions. I mean, the hot dogs were talking to the buns and they knew stuff. They were planning on burying some sausage, if you know what I mean. Okay, that's funny, ha ha ha. Cute even, right? Yeah.
Shit got real in the movie when a woman came in the store to do some shopping. She had all the stuff for a great holiday weekend, her buns, hot dogs, chips, mustard, etc. but then she also got some douche because apparently she had a situation up in her girl bits. We got a great shot of her scratching it for affect. Lovely. So, anyway, a chain of events lead to her crashing her cart into someone else's cart and then some of the items ended up on the floor. One of those items was the douche. The douche was damaged in the fall, so now he is really angry because he really wanted the va jay jay. He ends up getting cleaned up off the floor by the clerk and ends up in the dumpster. We find him later, with a bent applicator and vengence burning in his soul. He realizes he has a leak, but spies a dying juice box with a hole in it's crotch. He then sucks the juice box dry from the crotch and becomes strong. He finds a sticker and puts it over his leak and he is good to go. Now he is enraged and wants to find the hot dog and the bun chick and make them pay for him not being able to dispense his douche into the human woman. This is an intense story line, people.
I can't really tell you everything that happens because some of the time my hand was over my mouth in horror, sometimes I was looking away, sometimes I was just in shock with my mouth hanging open wondering what I was witnessing. All I know for sure is that some little stubby hot dog, that was teased by the other hot dogs for being stubby (but was assured girth is important, too), managed to get away from a human in her home, get onto the streets, find a drug dealer, ends up at his house and SPOILER ALERT kills the druggie (kind of) that was high on bath salts and then brings his head back to the store. How does a hot dog cover that kind of ground? How does a hot dog lift a severed head? And, if you are high on bath salts, can you really talk to food? I'm not going to get high on bath salts to find out, but it begs the question, does food, other than Taco Bell on the way out, talk? I may never know.
There are so many turns in this movie. There is a horny lesbian Taco named Teresa del Taco that is lusting after the bun chick, but she doesn't want to anger the Gods, there is a Jewish bagel and what I believe to be a Middle Eastern tortilla shell that kind of looked like a burrito, but may have been a Flauta or something like that. I missed that part. Anyway, they hated each other because hello, Jewish vs. Middle Eastern, I guess. It's complicated, but I knew it was some cultural stereo-type. Food is so judgy an I didn't even know.
At one point the hot dog was smoking a pipe with the Firewater guy and some really angry Gritts and a Twinkie and that got weird. The Gritts hated the Crackers because they took the good shelf space from the Gritts. Again, it's complicated being a non-perishable. There is no way a perishable food could possibly understand. Must be a perishable privilege kind of thing.
All the while, the angry douche was seeking the bun chick, the hot dog, the bagel and the weird tortilla thing with a mustache. The hot dog is all trying to tell all the food in the store that they don't really want to leave the store with the "Gods" aka humans, because what is going to happen to them when they leave is not good. The stubby hot dog and the bun chick eventually show the hot dog that the way he is trying to shove all his beliefs on the food is wrong, that is not the right way to send a message.
I don't want to ruin the movie for anyone...if that is actually possible that any of this will make sense if you haven't seen the movie, but suffice to say, stubby hot dog, along with a piece of chewing gum in a wheel chair that looked and sounded like Steven Hawking, saved the day in a BIG way.
The celebration part at the end of the movie left me sitting in my chair with my mouth open, I didn't know where to look, I didn't know what to say, there were no words, I was just paralyzed in shock as my sister sat next to me laughing so hard she had tears running down her face and she could not stop. I finally yelled, "WHAT AM I WATCHING??!!" My expression was a little like this:
I mean, the hot dog was having sex with the bun chick, but wait, Teresa del Taco was going down on the hot dog chick while the hot dog was jerking off with the bagel and the tortilla looking guy. Next thing I know, anal beads are coming out of the hot dog chick's ass. The bagel and the angry tortilla looking guy had sex, a lot of sex. The bagel said his hole needed to rest and the tortilla said he had great recovery time. The gritts were giving it to the crackers really hard. The human clerk guy was trying to defend himself but the angry douche found him and crawled up in his pants and shoved his applicator up the clerk's ass. Then the douche pulled the sausage in and started to try and eat him. I mean...it was intense. I didn't know how to feel, what to think. I just sat in horror.
I don't know how any of that food learned how to be that dirty. I don't know where they learned those moves. Shark Bait said he felt like he needed a cigarette when it was all over. I've never been a watcher of porn, but I felt dirty watching food have sex with whatever got in it's path.
Aside from all of that, I think there was an undertone of acceptance, an undertone of just believing whatever is told to you because everyone else believes it is bad, an undertone of how to affect change. But mostly it was food saying "fuck" and then actually fucking...a lot.
Look, I don't know what is going to happen to all that food now that the humans are contained, but I would assume the produce will rot, but with all that sex going on, it is possible they could reproduce. I don't know how that works, genetically or scientifically speaking, with cross breeding food. I mean, will the hot dog and the bun chick have little pigs in a blanket babies? I don't know for sure.
I know there is a lot I am leaving out, a lot that is out of sequence, but I was like a cat watching a laser beam on the wall, not knowing where it was going next. Some things I may have blocked out for my own mental health. Oh, and there was a talking used condom. He used the word spooge and I didn't know anyone used that word besides me. I think that is all I can remember. I hope so.
I hear they are going to make a sequel. I don't know how it could possibly get any raunchier, but I suspect with enough booze and pot, they will find a way.
This has been a confused person movie review. If this made no sense to you, then I have captured it perfectly.
P.S. I will not be eating hot dogs anytime in the near future, but we did go to Taco Bell on the way home after the movie and I'm not sure what that says about us, or if it means anything. I'm still feeling confused.
