What? A 20 Foot Kangaroo?

I spent most of my day today chewing someone's ass.  And, if I do say so myself, everyone deserved it. I mean, if people are going to irritate me, they get what they deserve.  It started out kind of basic, for example, while  I was sitting at the greeter table on the 4th floor during the open house, Cross Fit Crazy comes walking up and wants to know if anyone is downstairs in the auditorium on the 2nd floor waiting to be interviewed.  I looked at him and said, "Well, if you walk down the hall, get in the elevator and go down to two, you will have your answer."  What? Am I psychic?  I've got Flower Girl sitting next to me sucking helium out of balloons, some dude that cuts hair and wears way too much cologne telling me he doesn't have any experience, but thinks he'd be good for the job and everyone wants to know if there are people downstairs.  I just don't have patience for this.

I finish with the open house and return to my desk.  The energy on the floor is total chaos.  We've got 20 two-way radios going off, people are running around  tense.  I had a voice mail an a butt-load of e-mails waiting for me.  Tomorrow is our first day on the new systems and all the support staff  is supposed to be wearing special t-shirts.  Apparently UPS screwed up and the t-shirts are on a side trip, so now people are FREAKED OUT.  Seriously people.  Calm down.  Wear something else, it will be O.K.  So then, these other t-shirts show up that are for all the reps on the floor.  People are losing their mind, "Where is my t-shirt?  When will I get my t-shirt? This isn't in my size.  I don't like these, I'm not wearing that."  Let me tell you something, pal, you will get your freaking t-shirt when you get it.  And if you don't want to wear it, don't you big buncha whiners.  And then there are all these other people that want t-shirts that didn't get them.  "Why don't we get them?  Why are we always left out?"  Grow up.  Take the pacifier out of your mouth, start wiping your own ass and wear big people pants.

Now, as for the different managers having temper tantrums at my desk because they don't like decisions other people made.  You need to shut your mouth, go to your desk and read some emails and figure out what is going on around here.  Seriously, we spend all this time complaining and whining. GET OVER IT! 

I guess I must have been out of hand, because at one point my boss said, "stop yelling at me." I looked at him and said, "I'm not yelling, I'm making sure you hear me."  He told me to calm down.  I told him I was calm.  It's like he doesn't know me at all. 

The day went on and on like this.  People were making me crazy.  The two-way radio chatter was driving me nuts.  My other boss kept telling me how he wanted a radio and I would never give him one. Everyone else gave me strict instructions to never give him a radio.  Today, I said, "enough."  After a phone call from him advising he needed help...since he didn't have his own radio...I grabbed my radio, took it into the "war room" (room where all the planning and crisis control happens) set it next to him and said, "there, now you have a radio."  He came to me later and said, "this isn't effective if you don't have a radio too."  I said, "Actually, I think it works out perfectly."  He remained unconvinced and returned it to me.

The afternoon buzz continued until something happened that I was unprepared for.  One of our business partners brought in a 20 foot blow up kangaroo and set it up in the middle of our center.  Nothing says, "Happy System Conversion" like a blow up kangaroo with a joey in the pouch.  The place was madness.  My boss that had returned the radio to me earlier had now located a bull horn and was using it in lieu of a radio.  Next thing you know, everyone is looking at me, "Why the hell did you give him THAT?"  Some days a girl just can't win. 

I took pictures of the last person taking a call on the old system and returned to my desk to make magic happen by creating an announcement about our magical events.  I titled it "Apocalypse or Conversion?"  One of the visiting managers came over and said, "that seems kind of negative..."  I said, "...and?" Whatever.

Tomorrow proves to be extra  exciting as I need to be at the store at 6AM to pick up 15 dozen donuts, 10 dozen bagels, water, juice, pop tarts, fruit, etc. That means I need to be up at 4:30AM.  This isn't going to end well for anyone.  Just a friendly note of warning.

I also have video footage of employee commentary, but none of them have given me permission to publish these recordings.  Pity.