I know this will shock some of you, but today was not a good day. I woke up, still hurting and hobbling around. I mean, it isn't like I expected some sort of miracle over night, like, I'd wake up and be a real person. Pinocchio legs were still there and quite frankly, I had a muscle relaxer hang-over. I got myself prepped and ready for work. The only real thing that I had going for me is that due to my invalid status, I had obtained a temporary handicapped parking pass. I mean, I hope it's temporary, but this has been going on for a while, no one knows for sure if I'll ever walk again. Anyway, my parking pass would cut down my leg dragging distance and time considerably.
I arrived at work, and I shouldn't have been surprised that all but one handicapped spot was available. Buncha crippled people. Crippled by the call center. I took the spot that was left. The one truck next to my spot was kind of close to the line, but none the less, I parked without incident. I proceeded into the building where last minute queen prepping activity was taking place. I limped around taking care of a few items and then it was necessary for me and Valerie to go to town to purchase the queen's snacks.
I got out to my truck and noticed that some idiot had parked their car right next to my truck in the space that had white hash lines across it. You know, the spot you are supposed to leave vacant so the crippled person has room to negotiate a wheel chair or whatever? Well, this genius decides to park there and this person doesn't even have a handicapped pass. I was mad, but I was able to climb my crippled ass into the truck and go to the store. After dragging around town, I was tired and returned to the glass palace. I arrived back at work and my spot was still available. I went to pull in and at that moment I don't know exactly what happened, but I underestimated my clearance and proceeded to not only hit the truck next to me, but then slide my front bumper down the side of it. I thought I heard a scraping sound, but thought, "that couldn't have been me..." Valerie looked at me, a little wide-eyed, a little nervous and I said, "did I bump her truck?" It's like I was having an out of body experience. Valerie said, "Uh, yeah, you hit it all right, you pretty much scraped the shit out of the side of it." It was so weird, it was like it all happened in slow-motion. I don't know what got into me, it was as if I wasn't even in my body. I just sat there, feeling stupid that I could have possibly done that. What the hell, you get a handicapped tag and instantly you drive like you are a 90 year old crippled blind woman? Heavy sigh.
The great news is, no worries about having to leave a note, the owner of the truck and her pal were sitting in it having a smoke. I knew them both well. I felt so embarrassed, and then I hear a man I will refer to as the "village idiot" saying, "I saw it happen, I'm a witness! I'm a witness!" Well Einstein, I'm not exactly running from the law here. I'm parked here, I'm talking to the "victim." The village idiot runs into the building and tells the security guard, Cecily, that he had just witnessed an accident. Now, Cecily and I talk everyday, she knows me. She comes walking out and informs me I have been ratted out. As I'm limping towards her, I said, "Does it look like I'm trying to out run the authorities? I hit her at all of .000001 mph, I think we're okay here." Cecily laughs and says that she had to come check it out. I advised her I left a nice set of racing stripes down the side of my pal's truck. My pal is not upset. She says she may have neck pain (ha ha) but that she doesn't want my insurance info and that she isn't worried. Defeated, I limp into the building.
Upon arriving in the building, what do I see? My arch nemesis...my weakness...my kryptonite...freaking Girl Scouts. Those little cookie whores have set up a cookie table right by the entrance. My day just wasn't getting any better. I wanted to go buy all their damn peanut butter cookies and thin mint cookies and end it all. It's not bad enough they accost you at the grocery stores, they have infiltrated into my workplace. Who allowed this to happen? That's it, I'm not going back until they are gone. Queen or no queen, I'm not going back. Girl Scout FMLA, let me be the first case. Not a doctor in the country who wouldn't stand behind me for that.
Anyway, gonna try not to take out anymore vehicles tomorrow.
I arrived at work, and I shouldn't have been surprised that all but one handicapped spot was available. Buncha crippled people. Crippled by the call center. I took the spot that was left. The one truck next to my spot was kind of close to the line, but none the less, I parked without incident. I proceeded into the building where last minute queen prepping activity was taking place. I limped around taking care of a few items and then it was necessary for me and Valerie to go to town to purchase the queen's snacks.
I got out to my truck and noticed that some idiot had parked their car right next to my truck in the space that had white hash lines across it. You know, the spot you are supposed to leave vacant so the crippled person has room to negotiate a wheel chair or whatever? Well, this genius decides to park there and this person doesn't even have a handicapped pass. I was mad, but I was able to climb my crippled ass into the truck and go to the store. After dragging around town, I was tired and returned to the glass palace. I arrived back at work and my spot was still available. I went to pull in and at that moment I don't know exactly what happened, but I underestimated my clearance and proceeded to not only hit the truck next to me, but then slide my front bumper down the side of it. I thought I heard a scraping sound, but thought, "that couldn't have been me..." Valerie looked at me, a little wide-eyed, a little nervous and I said, "did I bump her truck?" It's like I was having an out of body experience. Valerie said, "Uh, yeah, you hit it all right, you pretty much scraped the shit out of the side of it." It was so weird, it was like it all happened in slow-motion. I don't know what got into me, it was as if I wasn't even in my body. I just sat there, feeling stupid that I could have possibly done that. What the hell, you get a handicapped tag and instantly you drive like you are a 90 year old crippled blind woman? Heavy sigh.
The great news is, no worries about having to leave a note, the owner of the truck and her pal were sitting in it having a smoke. I knew them both well. I felt so embarrassed, and then I hear a man I will refer to as the "village idiot" saying, "I saw it happen, I'm a witness! I'm a witness!" Well Einstein, I'm not exactly running from the law here. I'm parked here, I'm talking to the "victim." The village idiot runs into the building and tells the security guard, Cecily, that he had just witnessed an accident. Now, Cecily and I talk everyday, she knows me. She comes walking out and informs me I have been ratted out. As I'm limping towards her, I said, "Does it look like I'm trying to out run the authorities? I hit her at all of .000001 mph, I think we're okay here." Cecily laughs and says that she had to come check it out. I advised her I left a nice set of racing stripes down the side of my pal's truck. My pal is not upset. She says she may have neck pain (ha ha) but that she doesn't want my insurance info and that she isn't worried. Defeated, I limp into the building.
Upon arriving in the building, what do I see? My arch nemesis...my weakness...my kryptonite...freaking Girl Scouts. Those little cookie whores have set up a cookie table right by the entrance. My day just wasn't getting any better. I wanted to go buy all their damn peanut butter cookies and thin mint cookies and end it all. It's not bad enough they accost you at the grocery stores, they have infiltrated into my workplace. Who allowed this to happen? That's it, I'm not going back until they are gone. Queen or no queen, I'm not going back. Girl Scout FMLA, let me be the first case. Not a doctor in the country who wouldn't stand behind me for that.
Anyway, gonna try not to take out anymore vehicles tomorrow.
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