We have a number of things coming up at work that are going to make my life, as well as many others life, a living nightmare. We are getting ready to have a major system conversion. This means we will have visitors and "war rooms" and "command centers" and CHAOS exploding everywhere. I don't mean to be dramatic, but this is defcon 4, people.
I have to glaze over many facts that I would love to share, but cannot due to the whole, I like my paycheck thing. This is sad because sometimes the ridiculous events of the day make for a good time when you are recounting them, say while under the influence of some sort of prescribed medication or say, alcohol. What I can tell you is that the meltdown has begun. I have one boss that speed walks past my desk multiple times a day, always on a mission to somewhere. I have another boss that looks like he wants to find a bomb shelter and stay there for approximately 6 - 8 weeks as the fun never stops. I had one guy come up to my desk and stand there and shake his fists and throw a little bit of a hissy fit and then walked away, for no apparent reason, he never spoke. Then, my pal, let's call him, Lizard Lick, came up to my desk and looked like someone just told him to go shoot 'Ol Yeller. He ran his hands all over his face, then through his hair and generally looked like he wanted to throw up. I've had other people almost crying at my desk (admittedly, one of those people was me). And, we haven't even begun to see the light of day. If we were vampires, we'd still have a lot of blood to suck before the sun came up. Like if this were the movie Blade, we'd still have like 90 minutes of movie left.
I need to do something, I need a plan. Personally, I may go crazy, but I am supposed to be the support person that keeps people from killing each other. Right now, I don't know if I want to stop them. A little carnage might actually be a good idea. In addition to the breathing apparatus that I am waiting to get approval for at my desk, I need air bags installed, and possibly some sort of chair restraint. Like, so when I get an email from one of the senior leaderships admins, I stay fully seated in my chair when I push it back and start to explode. Just preparing for all the visitors and VIP's that will be visiting is a task in itself. Never mind trying to keep the daily tasks of the troops cared for. I had one of our managers ask me when his one on one meeting was with one of the bosses and I said...and I quote, "I don't know and frankly don't care." I probably better reign that in. See, the problem is, I made a schedule, per request, but since the alleged controlled chaos has begun, no one can make the meetings when they are scheduled. Suddenly, I'm supposed to be concerned? No, not when I have video conference room snaffu's, the center is out of anti-bacterial wipes and I have to go get yogurt for the queen. Do you see the magnitude of this situation? I mean we are one sneeze away from becoming the movie Outbreak and I've got to figure out how we are going to keep protein shakes and yogurt cold, no, do not talk to me about your one on one right now.
I think, in addition to the mini-fridge, yogurt, protein shakes and anti-bacterial wipes, I am going to add, barf bags, those squishy stress balls you put in your hand, lots of tissues for the crying, chocolate (for me) and one of those rope ladder things so at any given moment I can kick out the window at my desk, drop that ladder out there, grab my stuffed ponies and get the #@$% out of Dodge.
If anyone asks, that's my plan.
I have to glaze over many facts that I would love to share, but cannot due to the whole, I like my paycheck thing. This is sad because sometimes the ridiculous events of the day make for a good time when you are recounting them, say while under the influence of some sort of prescribed medication or say, alcohol. What I can tell you is that the meltdown has begun. I have one boss that speed walks past my desk multiple times a day, always on a mission to somewhere. I have another boss that looks like he wants to find a bomb shelter and stay there for approximately 6 - 8 weeks as the fun never stops. I had one guy come up to my desk and stand there and shake his fists and throw a little bit of a hissy fit and then walked away, for no apparent reason, he never spoke. Then, my pal, let's call him, Lizard Lick, came up to my desk and looked like someone just told him to go shoot 'Ol Yeller. He ran his hands all over his face, then through his hair and generally looked like he wanted to throw up. I've had other people almost crying at my desk (admittedly, one of those people was me). And, we haven't even begun to see the light of day. If we were vampires, we'd still have a lot of blood to suck before the sun came up. Like if this were the movie Blade, we'd still have like 90 minutes of movie left.
I need to do something, I need a plan. Personally, I may go crazy, but I am supposed to be the support person that keeps people from killing each other. Right now, I don't know if I want to stop them. A little carnage might actually be a good idea. In addition to the breathing apparatus that I am waiting to get approval for at my desk, I need air bags installed, and possibly some sort of chair restraint. Like, so when I get an email from one of the senior leaderships admins, I stay fully seated in my chair when I push it back and start to explode. Just preparing for all the visitors and VIP's that will be visiting is a task in itself. Never mind trying to keep the daily tasks of the troops cared for. I had one of our managers ask me when his one on one meeting was with one of the bosses and I said...and I quote, "I don't know and frankly don't care." I probably better reign that in. See, the problem is, I made a schedule, per request, but since the alleged controlled chaos has begun, no one can make the meetings when they are scheduled. Suddenly, I'm supposed to be concerned? No, not when I have video conference room snaffu's, the center is out of anti-bacterial wipes and I have to go get yogurt for the queen. Do you see the magnitude of this situation? I mean we are one sneeze away from becoming the movie Outbreak and I've got to figure out how we are going to keep protein shakes and yogurt cold, no, do not talk to me about your one on one right now.
I think, in addition to the mini-fridge, yogurt, protein shakes and anti-bacterial wipes, I am going to add, barf bags, those squishy stress balls you put in your hand, lots of tissues for the crying, chocolate (for me) and one of those rope ladder things so at any given moment I can kick out the window at my desk, drop that ladder out there, grab my stuffed ponies and get the #@$% out of Dodge.
If anyone asks, that's my plan.
Love it, Ok I am available to assist you in any crisis, My saddle is ready, I cleaned my hoofs, shined up my coat with a little oil so things slide off... Yep suggestion - they think I am new but really not, the old horse snuck on in and is eating the Alfalfa!
ReplyDeleteclearly, you have been sniffing the horse treats too. LOL
ReplyDelete