Here it is, my Valentine's Day recap.
First off, I found myself to be in a hostile mood. Not really sure if that was because I knew I had a butt shocking appointment, or if it was because my phone kept ringing off the hook all day from the front desk, "So and so has flowers." Like I care. Who designated me as the person who cares? Apparently, the front desk. Luckily, Valerie is pretty tuned in to my mood swings and she would say, "more flowers? I'll go get them."
I think I might also have been crabby due to the amount of chocolate people kept feeding me. I mean, it isn't like anyone held me down, I'm just saying, the opportunity presented itself and I am all about opportunity. One of the bosses also brought in Frost donuts. I had to try one, I'd never had one before. YUM. So, yeah, now I'm hopped up on sugar and I am without flowers. I mean, I did tell my husband not to bother with buying me anything because why waste the money, but it did make me a little sad not to get any. One person did give me a Scooby-Doo valentine with a sucker. That was nice.
Now, let's add some caffeine into the equation, that's right, Coca-freakin-Cola. I'm jazzed. Then I got a visit from one of my blog readers (Weird Toe Guy, or whatever I called him, from one of my early blogs) wanting to know what was going on with all the talk about butt shocking. I explained the situation to him. He then asked me what a kegel exercise is. This was awkward. I thought everyone knew what that was. I explained it to him in a pretty delicate way. I was actually pretty proud of myself. I had access to a flip chart, I could have drawn a picture, but I refrained. I can just see explaining that later..."um, we were playing pictionary and the word was 'Lotus Flower.'" I later had one of my friends Wikipedia it and send him a link. I didn't want to overstep my boundaries.
Let's just fast forward to the end of the day. It's time for my physical therapy appointment. I got more exercises today, a brief leg massage and more butt shocking. Apparently, Hairy Guy was busy with someone else because I got some guy that looked like he was volunteering after school. I don't know if I liked Junior seeing my ass any more than the Hairy Guy. What makes this kid qualified to see my bare ass? He clearly handled the responsibility of carrying my chart and turning off the shock machine, but medically speaking, I don't know how he is qualified. And let's talk about that moment that he couldn't get the sticky pad off my ass and he's like, "Oh, wow, these must be new, they are really sticky." Ok, first off, do they re-use these things? What do you mean "new?" He was pulling on this thing so hard, my ass skin was lifted above it's normal resting place. Finally he got the thing off. Do I really have to go through this twice a week for the next four weeks? Heavy sigh.
Finished my appointment and met Will for Valentine's dinner. We went for Chinese food. I was about to take hostages because the guy on the other side of our booth kept bumping his side of the booth, which pushed on my back. What circumstance led to his erratic eating? My word, was the food orgasmic? Was he convulsing? Seriously. I pushed back a few times. Punk-ass. Then, when we were about ready to go, we heard a tap-tap on the window. It was Mama Carol. She was my neighbor the whole time I was growing up. She is my Mom's age and she is a hoot. She comes into the restaurant and says, "Well look who's here?!" Mama Carol has one of those voices that carries. Everyone turns to look at her and then us. We were suddenly way popular. Mama Carol bantered back and forth with Will and I for a little while and then we started talking about our fortunes from our cookies. Will shared with her about how you really read a chinese fortune. Whatever it says, you add the words, "in bed" to the end of it. My fortune was, "Always be willing to try new things." Will's was something to the affect of, "Persistence leads to you reaching all of your goals." After explaining that to Carol, she told us to be careful with all of that since my sciatic was acting up. I told her we were ok, even with my sciatic, we were still able to pull off geriatric sex. Geriatric sex is when one of you gets, say, a charlie horse in their leg and the other person gets a leg or back cramp and then you are all twisted up and then one foot is on the floor, but you're still tangled up. It's awkward, but when you get old like us, it happens. You know, Cosmo doesn't prepare you for geriatric sex. Not one article on it. Oh well, maybe AARP will have an article on it when we start getting those magazines. Anyway, that pretty much wrapped up our conversation with Mama Carol.
Well, this is probably an over-share on multiple level's, but I can't help it. It's the egg roll talking. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh, and it is noteworthy to say that I received a phone call from Valerie, while at dinner, advising I had received flowers at work from Will. So glad my flowers arrived after I left.
First off, I found myself to be in a hostile mood. Not really sure if that was because I knew I had a butt shocking appointment, or if it was because my phone kept ringing off the hook all day from the front desk, "So and so has flowers." Like I care. Who designated me as the person who cares? Apparently, the front desk. Luckily, Valerie is pretty tuned in to my mood swings and she would say, "more flowers? I'll go get them."
I think I might also have been crabby due to the amount of chocolate people kept feeding me. I mean, it isn't like anyone held me down, I'm just saying, the opportunity presented itself and I am all about opportunity. One of the bosses also brought in Frost donuts. I had to try one, I'd never had one before. YUM. So, yeah, now I'm hopped up on sugar and I am without flowers. I mean, I did tell my husband not to bother with buying me anything because why waste the money, but it did make me a little sad not to get any. One person did give me a Scooby-Doo valentine with a sucker. That was nice.
Now, let's add some caffeine into the equation, that's right, Coca-freakin-Cola. I'm jazzed. Then I got a visit from one of my blog readers (Weird Toe Guy, or whatever I called him, from one of my early blogs) wanting to know what was going on with all the talk about butt shocking. I explained the situation to him. He then asked me what a kegel exercise is. This was awkward. I thought everyone knew what that was. I explained it to him in a pretty delicate way. I was actually pretty proud of myself. I had access to a flip chart, I could have drawn a picture, but I refrained. I can just see explaining that later..."um, we were playing pictionary and the word was 'Lotus Flower.'" I later had one of my friends Wikipedia it and send him a link. I didn't want to overstep my boundaries.
Let's just fast forward to the end of the day. It's time for my physical therapy appointment. I got more exercises today, a brief leg massage and more butt shocking. Apparently, Hairy Guy was busy with someone else because I got some guy that looked like he was volunteering after school. I don't know if I liked Junior seeing my ass any more than the Hairy Guy. What makes this kid qualified to see my bare ass? He clearly handled the responsibility of carrying my chart and turning off the shock machine, but medically speaking, I don't know how he is qualified. And let's talk about that moment that he couldn't get the sticky pad off my ass and he's like, "Oh, wow, these must be new, they are really sticky." Ok, first off, do they re-use these things? What do you mean "new?" He was pulling on this thing so hard, my ass skin was lifted above it's normal resting place. Finally he got the thing off. Do I really have to go through this twice a week for the next four weeks? Heavy sigh.
Finished my appointment and met Will for Valentine's dinner. We went for Chinese food. I was about to take hostages because the guy on the other side of our booth kept bumping his side of the booth, which pushed on my back. What circumstance led to his erratic eating? My word, was the food orgasmic? Was he convulsing? Seriously. I pushed back a few times. Punk-ass. Then, when we were about ready to go, we heard a tap-tap on the window. It was Mama Carol. She was my neighbor the whole time I was growing up. She is my Mom's age and she is a hoot. She comes into the restaurant and says, "Well look who's here?!" Mama Carol has one of those voices that carries. Everyone turns to look at her and then us. We were suddenly way popular. Mama Carol bantered back and forth with Will and I for a little while and then we started talking about our fortunes from our cookies. Will shared with her about how you really read a chinese fortune. Whatever it says, you add the words, "in bed" to the end of it. My fortune was, "Always be willing to try new things." Will's was something to the affect of, "Persistence leads to you reaching all of your goals." After explaining that to Carol, she told us to be careful with all of that since my sciatic was acting up. I told her we were ok, even with my sciatic, we were still able to pull off geriatric sex. Geriatric sex is when one of you gets, say, a charlie horse in their leg and the other person gets a leg or back cramp and then you are all twisted up and then one foot is on the floor, but you're still tangled up. It's awkward, but when you get old like us, it happens. You know, Cosmo doesn't prepare you for geriatric sex. Not one article on it. Oh well, maybe AARP will have an article on it when we start getting those magazines. Anyway, that pretty much wrapped up our conversation with Mama Carol.
Well, this is probably an over-share on multiple level's, but I can't help it. It's the egg roll talking. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh, and it is noteworthy to say that I received a phone call from Valerie, while at dinner, advising I had received flowers at work from Will. So glad my flowers arrived after I left.
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