Well tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I don't really get that excited about it, but I have assured that I will get some sort of action tomorrow, I have an appointment with the physical therapist. That's right, I get to do more kegel exercises and get my butt shocked. If that doesn't scream romance, I don't know what does. One of my co-workers suggested that I might get addicted to having my butt shocked. I won't be known as a "cutter" I'll be a "shocker." I'll be out in the pasture, rubbing my butt up against the electric fence all hours of the night. I might have to get butt shocking FMLA so I can miss work. Instead of shopping at Lover's Package, I'll order a cattle prod from a livestock catalog. I don't know, that might be a bit extreme.
Hopefully, I won't have to go to therapy that long. Hopefully, my sciatic will come to it's senses. Mom offered up one of Dad's canes to me the other day. I just looked at her and said, "No, I do NOT want to borrow Dad's cane!" She says, "What? It's a nice cane, Dad got a lot of compliments on it." Clearly she is out of touch with the people I am surrounded with daily. One co-worker said I looked like a disco ball today because I wore a sparkly shirt under another shirt. Can you imagine the mileage these people will get out of a cane? Oh, and also, another danger is, I might club someone with it. That really is the bigger concern.
What I am more concerned about tomorrow is that I am supposed to bring a pair of shorts to therapy, you know, so that my 13 year old therapist can see my legs better while I do kegels and the hairy guy can get the electrode things off my ass easier. Anyway, the problem is, I don't have shorts. Fat girls don't like to show off their legs, come on. The only thing I have that is close, is some flannel pj shorts that have teddy bears all over them. I guess those will have to do. It has a matching top, I wonder if I should wear that too...? That will definitely spike up the romantic, intimate nature of the session. You know, the therapist did ask me if I wanted the lights off when she left me alone with my butt hooked up to the machine last time. Maybe I should bring candles.
Hopefully, I won't have to go to therapy that long. Hopefully, my sciatic will come to it's senses. Mom offered up one of Dad's canes to me the other day. I just looked at her and said, "No, I do NOT want to borrow Dad's cane!" She says, "What? It's a nice cane, Dad got a lot of compliments on it." Clearly she is out of touch with the people I am surrounded with daily. One co-worker said I looked like a disco ball today because I wore a sparkly shirt under another shirt. Can you imagine the mileage these people will get out of a cane? Oh, and also, another danger is, I might club someone with it. That really is the bigger concern.
What I am more concerned about tomorrow is that I am supposed to bring a pair of shorts to therapy, you know, so that my 13 year old therapist can see my legs better while I do kegels and the hairy guy can get the electrode things off my ass easier. Anyway, the problem is, I don't have shorts. Fat girls don't like to show off their legs, come on. The only thing I have that is close, is some flannel pj shorts that have teddy bears all over them. I guess those will have to do. It has a matching top, I wonder if I should wear that too...? That will definitely spike up the romantic, intimate nature of the session. You know, the therapist did ask me if I wanted the lights off when she left me alone with my butt hooked up to the machine last time. Maybe I should bring candles.
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