Today was a typical Friday. Chaos. It's too much to give a blow by blow, but I'll hit a couple of the high-lights.
First off, I decided not to take muscle relaxers at work today. While that was a wild ride yesterday, I learned my lesson. I would have thought the doctor might have covered the dosing instructions a little better. I can see the allure of the muscle relaxers for sure though. Not giving a crap about anything is definitely the way to go.
Speaking of not giving a crap, my hair looked as though I didn't. It looked like I had a bad mullett. I did get one compliment on it, but I think that person might have needed an eye exam. You know your hair is bad when you say to your friend, "I thought this looked good this morning, I was wrong, don't let me do that again..." Then your friend looks at your hair and just nods. That is all the confirmation I needed.
Aside from all this superficial stuff, I did actually have work to do today. I had to call approx 40 people to set them up for interviews. That's right, I activated the perky voice and proceeded to make magic happen. It freaks my co-workers out when I am this perky, but the outsiders seem to enjoy it. I make it sound like where I work is freakin Disneyland. I make myself sick. I'm going to have to be mean to people for a day or so just to balance the scales. It's super fun to pretend not to be annoyed when you leave a message for someone and they call you back and this is how it goes down: "Thank you for calling 'The Glass Palace,' this is Cassondra." "Yeah, somebody just called me about some job." "Ok, well, who am I speaking to?" He responds with his name, as if he is irritated he is having to deal with me. I set him up for an interview because I am Cinder-freakin'-rella and I work at the palace and that is my job to make dreams come true. I'd also like to send a message to parents everywhere. Quit trying to name your kids some super unique name. Do not combine a normal cooking spice with a disease or ailment and think it is cool. I'm not going to reveal the specific name I'm talking about, since that would be a violation of company policy, however, I will give you an example of what I am talking about. Put the spice of Ginger together with a condition called Psoriasis. Ginger Psoriasis. Isn't that beautiful? How about Nutmeg Pustule? Seriously people.
In other news, while I am talking to applicants like I am Polly Anna hopped up on a Rockstar energy drink, apparently one of the nearby people came over and offered Valerie some chocolate. They apparently were thinking about offering me one, but didn't want me to go off on them in one of my blogs. Well, epic fail, my friend. I was chocolate blocked and for that, you will be featured in tonight's blog. Chocolate Block Barbie decided not to offer me a yummy milk chocolate See's candy bar. It might have been delightful, but now, I'll never know. I mean, just to have been asked, that would have been something. I would have felt loved and appreciated, but now, I'm just...hungry for chocolate. Well, Chocolate Block Barbie, here's to you!
And so the day goes. I finally finished calling all of those people, I'm exhausted. Too much positive energy in too short of a time. When I have days like these, it's fun to decompress with the girls. Often, when us girls talk, whether we mean to or not, we end up talking about someone's period. It just happens. As it did tonight, one of the managers came up. He's been featured in my blog before, it's CrossFit Crazy. He asks us what we are talking about. Valerie informs him we're talking about Rachel's period. He says, "oh my God, that is what they are talking about over there! I can't get away from it!" With that he walked away. So I yelled after him, "maybe it is your red sweatshirt, it's making us think about periods!" He said, "That's what they just said!" I think I speak for a lot of women when I say, mission accomplished. Every man that can be made squeamish by bodily functions of a woman, it's a victory. They get to fart, burp, whatever and women just roll their eyes and they think it is hilarious. Well, here's to you flatulent friends!
Anyway, one thing leads to another and we start talking about badge pictures. I guess one person sent her badge picture in and she got it back advising her that her forehead was too big. I was speechless. Seriously? Well, what in the hell is she supposed to do? Does she have to have her picture taken from 20 feet away? Will she have to get a poster sized badge? I was outraged. It made me want to challenge the security department. Like, I wanted to see if I could create a badge picture with so many double chins, something so hideous that they would be like, "crap, what do we do with this?" Go ahead, tell ME I have too many chins. I double-dog dare you! Working in the badge department would be the funnest job ever. I could mock people all day. It's almost my calling. I could send the pictures back, "Your eyes are bulgey." "Nice try, but can you uncross your eyes?" "Too many zits." "Side part is ridiculous." "My God, find a comb, use it and resubmit." "No one is this ugly, please send alternate form of identification." Or, the flip side, "In order to verify your identity, I will need a shirtless photo showing all of your abdominal muscles."
Oh well, I'll keep my job, it's pretty glamorous too.
First off, I decided not to take muscle relaxers at work today. While that was a wild ride yesterday, I learned my lesson. I would have thought the doctor might have covered the dosing instructions a little better. I can see the allure of the muscle relaxers for sure though. Not giving a crap about anything is definitely the way to go.
Speaking of not giving a crap, my hair looked as though I didn't. It looked like I had a bad mullett. I did get one compliment on it, but I think that person might have needed an eye exam. You know your hair is bad when you say to your friend, "I thought this looked good this morning, I was wrong, don't let me do that again..." Then your friend looks at your hair and just nods. That is all the confirmation I needed.
Aside from all this superficial stuff, I did actually have work to do today. I had to call approx 40 people to set them up for interviews. That's right, I activated the perky voice and proceeded to make magic happen. It freaks my co-workers out when I am this perky, but the outsiders seem to enjoy it. I make it sound like where I work is freakin Disneyland. I make myself sick. I'm going to have to be mean to people for a day or so just to balance the scales. It's super fun to pretend not to be annoyed when you leave a message for someone and they call you back and this is how it goes down: "Thank you for calling 'The Glass Palace,' this is Cassondra." "Yeah, somebody just called me about some job." "Ok, well, who am I speaking to?" He responds with his name, as if he is irritated he is having to deal with me. I set him up for an interview because I am Cinder-freakin'-rella and I work at the palace and that is my job to make dreams come true. I'd also like to send a message to parents everywhere. Quit trying to name your kids some super unique name. Do not combine a normal cooking spice with a disease or ailment and think it is cool. I'm not going to reveal the specific name I'm talking about, since that would be a violation of company policy, however, I will give you an example of what I am talking about. Put the spice of Ginger together with a condition called Psoriasis. Ginger Psoriasis. Isn't that beautiful? How about Nutmeg Pustule? Seriously people.
In other news, while I am talking to applicants like I am Polly Anna hopped up on a Rockstar energy drink, apparently one of the nearby people came over and offered Valerie some chocolate. They apparently were thinking about offering me one, but didn't want me to go off on them in one of my blogs. Well, epic fail, my friend. I was chocolate blocked and for that, you will be featured in tonight's blog. Chocolate Block Barbie decided not to offer me a yummy milk chocolate See's candy bar. It might have been delightful, but now, I'll never know. I mean, just to have been asked, that would have been something. I would have felt loved and appreciated, but now, I'm just...hungry for chocolate. Well, Chocolate Block Barbie, here's to you!
And so the day goes. I finally finished calling all of those people, I'm exhausted. Too much positive energy in too short of a time. When I have days like these, it's fun to decompress with the girls. Often, when us girls talk, whether we mean to or not, we end up talking about someone's period. It just happens. As it did tonight, one of the managers came up. He's been featured in my blog before, it's CrossFit Crazy. He asks us what we are talking about. Valerie informs him we're talking about Rachel's period. He says, "oh my God, that is what they are talking about over there! I can't get away from it!" With that he walked away. So I yelled after him, "maybe it is your red sweatshirt, it's making us think about periods!" He said, "That's what they just said!" I think I speak for a lot of women when I say, mission accomplished. Every man that can be made squeamish by bodily functions of a woman, it's a victory. They get to fart, burp, whatever and women just roll their eyes and they think it is hilarious. Well, here's to you flatulent friends!
Anyway, one thing leads to another and we start talking about badge pictures. I guess one person sent her badge picture in and she got it back advising her that her forehead was too big. I was speechless. Seriously? Well, what in the hell is she supposed to do? Does she have to have her picture taken from 20 feet away? Will she have to get a poster sized badge? I was outraged. It made me want to challenge the security department. Like, I wanted to see if I could create a badge picture with so many double chins, something so hideous that they would be like, "crap, what do we do with this?" Go ahead, tell ME I have too many chins. I double-dog dare you! Working in the badge department would be the funnest job ever. I could mock people all day. It's almost my calling. I could send the pictures back, "Your eyes are bulgey." "Nice try, but can you uncross your eyes?" "Too many zits." "Side part is ridiculous." "My God, find a comb, use it and resubmit." "No one is this ugly, please send alternate form of identification." Or, the flip side, "In order to verify your identity, I will need a shirtless photo showing all of your abdominal muscles."
Oh well, I'll keep my job, it's pretty glamorous too.
Wow - seems that my new VP at Verizon wanted all of us to upload our pictures to the eWeb today - and after looking at most I was scared - the pictures are from our badge photos - kind of like those really unique DMV photos - some folks looked a bit pixie-ish - while others would have made the list for "Dog" the Bounty hunter....thanks Cassondra - I must say that women's monthly bodily functions have little impact on me - medical background - all women in the household including the dog...oh well..
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