Perky people, I don't get it...and I don't want to.

It is safe to say I am not a perky person.  Not in the morning, not at noon and not at night.  As a matter of fact, people have come to depend on my ever present sarcasm and catty demeanor.  It scares people when I try and force perkiness and pretend.  They don't like it.  Nonetheless, people still enjoy saying, "Good Morning, Sunshine!" like it is some sort of game, some sort of poke the bear and run maneuver.  So the question is, why do people "poke the bear?"

Most people I can break.  They try and blow sunshine up my butt and I give them the what for, or grumble at them and eventually, they learn.  They take their perkiness elsewhere.  There is one person I have not been able to break.  To protect the innocent, let's call her Curly Sue.  Curly Sue is cute. She has curly hair, freckles cute perky boobs, cute little waist, little butt....just overall cute. She is just the kind of person I hate.  And she is super perky.  It doesn't matter if she has been yelled at by customers all day, if her cat died, if you kick her in the gut (ok, so I haven't tried this, but seriously considering it), or if it is raining outside.  She walks past my desk every morning with her cute little smile and her sing-song voice saying, "Good Morning, Sunshine!!!" She almost sings it and then giggles as she scampers by.  I shoot her the death glare every morning, she is unaffected.  One time I was on a full on tirade at my desk at someone else and she walked up.  I told her to go away.  She was like, "I know what you mean....blah, blah, blah...." I looked at her and said, "Shut. Up. And, go away."  She giggled.  I looked at the other person I was talking to and they had to say to her, "No, Curly Sue, she is serious....now run...."

What is wrong with perky people?  Do they have some sort of deflector mechanism that prevents them from feeling the affects of darkness and evil?  I mean, what has transpired in that person's life that has caused them this sense of happiness, this sense of joy, this sense that everything is peachy-keen?  I don't get it.  It must be a gene I'm missing.  Have they just had a triple shot mocha?  Have they just had amazing sex the night before, or maybe this morning or both?  Did they win the lotto?  Did they get on the scale to weigh themselves and the scale gave them a round of applause? Did they get a kiss from a puppy and then have bird land on their finger while they sang a brief operetta about a woman who is blissfully happy on a mountain top?  Did they just get touched on the shoulder by God?  What is happening inside these people?  I doubt I'll ever know. I know I have at least one woman praying for me.  She told me so once.  She doesn't say good morning anymore, but she does occasionally stand up and smile at me.  That is a respectful amount of perkiness.  Still uncalled for, but tolerable.

I have one person that passes me at work and says, "I almost saw a smile Cassondra."  "Hey, was that laughter I heard Cassondra?  I heard that!"  Hmpf.  So, let me just tell you what it would take to make me perky, so if you see it, you won't have to wonder too hard. Reason 1- got a new pony. Reason 2 - new diamond (s). Reason 3 - sex afterglow.  Reason 4 - I don't have to go to work. Reason 5 - I never have to go to work again.  Those things pretty much sum it up.

As I left today, I saw Curly Sue's car that was parked next to my truck.  The license plate cover says, and I quote, "SUNSHINE."  I threw up in my mouth a little bit.  That is just going too far.