Can we just...not talk? Fun times at Pretty Nails...

Today I decided to treat myself to a manicure.  I wasn't spending big bucks on my vacation, unless you count the purchase of Sudafed, Kleenex and orange juice as major purchases, so I thought, why not go spread my cold to some unsuspecting nail salon person.  I arrive at the salon and there is only one customer in there, so  they were able to fit me in right away.  I think my girl's name was Jenny.  I can't be certain.  I told her my name approx three times and then she finally gave up.  In my defense, I wasn't the one trying to be friendly, she asked for my name first.  After introductions, we apparently became fast friends. She told me how wonderful I smelled and wanted to know what fragrance I was wearing.  I told her and she says, "Wow, that is really sexy and expensive. That cost 80 dollar, right?"  I told her it was something like that.  She was clearly already sizing up what her tip would be. Then she spotted my bracelet. It is Tiffany's.  Again, her eyes got big and she said, "Wow, that is NICE. Tiffany is really good.  That cost you 200 dollar, maybe 160?"  I told her I didn't know as it had been a gift.  Again, she looked me up and down, re-calculating the tip.  I just really was hoping to keep the conversation to, "you like?"  and I would say, "yes, that's nice."  That really was as much  conversation as I wanted, but Jenny was on a definite mission to shake down what my value was.

As the appointment went on, Jenny and I shared many an awkward moment as she tried to communicate with me.  I think my confidence in Jenny wavered just a bit as she asked me to tell her what the box said that the nail stuff came in.  I read it to her and she explained to me that her English is not good.  A startling revelation.
I think my favorite part of the appointment was when Jenny sat there and looked at me for a while and said, "You like short hair?" I told her that it was ok, but that I was growing mine out.  She says, and I quote, "Yeah, you like me. I had to cut my hair short and it look horrible. It not look good on me. Now nobody love me. My face just look fat. You grow your hair out long, then you curl it. It will look better."  Well, thank you, Jenny.  Now I was the one re-calculating Jenny's tip. 

Jenny was hell bent on up-selling me on her alleged nail design capabilities.  She kept telling me how nice designs would look on my nails and showing me pictures of nails she had designed.  I nodded politely and just stared at her.  This fat face girl was not buying any damn flower or glitter design on my nails today.  She also tried to up-sell me on a pedicure.  I said, "Well, I just painted them this morning, I probably didn't do a great job, but it's done."  She looked at my feet, and said, "They look nice with flowers on them."  Well, that may be true, but Jenny was not going to put flowers on my damn toenails. I don't care if it is "just extra 5 dollar."

I finally managed to get out without anymore observations or advice from Jenny. If anyone knows of a nail salon where the people running it are deaf, mute or completely communicate by interpretive dance, let me know.