Bathroom lockdown

In order to complete our holiday weekend with all of the zest it deserved, we decided to clean the carpet.  Thanks to our naughty dogs, there had been a few "accidents" and a few left over reminders from garbage incidents.  Oh, and let's not forget about the time Will tracked dog crap in the house and walked all around before he noticed.  Oh and the time I opened the door and there was dog crap and I didn't see it and I walked it around the house.  It was time.

So, like a trooper, Will gets up, showers, gets dressed and starts vacuuming.  I say, "ok, I'm going to hit the shower real quick, then I will help you."  Apparently, while I was enjoying tepid temperatures in the shower thanks to Will's lengthy shower beforehand, all hell was breaking loose beyond the bathroom door.  I get out of the shower and I hear a lot of banging around, concerned, I open the door, but Will was right behind it and it smacked him in the ass and he almost headbutted the dog kennel.  Woops.  I apologized, but Will told me to get back into the bathroom.  So I did, I mean, I still needed to brush my teeth, no biggie.  Again, I hear more banging around.  I cautiously open the door and I see Will just finishing man-handling something out onto the porch.  I just stare at him as it would seem he has lost his mind.  His eyes are big and he looks at me and says, in a controlled, quiet, angry voice, "Just go back into the bathroom and stay there."  I hesitated. He said, "GO." and waved his hand at me.  I shut the door.  I mean, I could put some lotion on and maybe work on my eyebrows, I guess.  I don't know what is going on out there, but it would seem I am being held hostage in the bathroom.  Finally, out of things to do, I crack the door open and peek out.  Will says calmly, "you may come out now.  It's safe."  I looked around and he had cleared much of the furniture out and had already cleaned a patch of the carpet.  I asked him if he wanted me to help and he said I could if I wanted.  I took over until the smell of the cleaner was making my nose go crazy.  I went outside and watered plants and magically, when I came back, Will had finished.

We didn't talk about what led to my bathroom lock-down.  Our day went on as planned and Will seemed calm.  We came home late this afternoon and opened up the kitchen door to help air out the room.  This was fine until Will needed to close it.  It was stuck on the carpet for some reason.  Will pushed it and "SNAP, CRACK, POP!" The threshold snapped off the bottom of the door.  I saw the crazy eyes again as Will expressed his thoughts about our landlord. There is now about a one inch gap between the bottom of the door and the door jam.  This is concerning. Slugs, spiders, bugs....it's an open invitation.  Will assures me we will get this fixed. I'm putting salt around the bed tonight.  Those sonsabitchin slugs are not taking me without a fight!  After that one made it to my ankle the other day, I really can't believe I am safe here. I will not die in a slug slime cocoon. I'll roll in rock salt before bed if I need to.

Will regained his composure and is now working on dinner. He is doing so mostly because we haven't eaten a decent meal for three days because we couldn't decide on what we should have for dinner, and I took a stand, so we had nothing. I put the burden on him tonight. As I watch him working in the kitchen, with glee, I notice the computer chair is all funky.  I mean, it is out of whack and the handle adjuster thingys are missing.  You would think I might let this go, not poke the bear, just be silent, but alas, I cannot.  "Will, why is the computer chair all funky?  And why are the handle things missing?"  He turned around slowly and looked at me, crazy eyes are back.  "Maybe because I tripped and fell on it when I was trying to wrestle it outside on the deck this morning."  Ok, so maybe I'm a bad wife, but I just started laughing.  No wonder I was on bathroom lock-down.  If that had happened to me, honest to God, this computer chair would be in the middle of the yard...in pieces.  So, as I sit here with the seat tilted forward and the back forcing me into the keyboard, I'll just suck it up and smile. I keep replaying what the scene probably looked like with Will going down with this chair and becoming tangled in it and the chair winning and Will kicking it and I am not going to lie, I am sorry I missed it.  I love that guy, but damn, that would have been funny.

As I wrap this blog entry up, Will just comes in and says the barbeque is falling apart.  This just isn't his day. Will informs me for my birthday, I am getting a barbeque.  We will just let that slide for now.