I'd like to bid the holiday season of 2011 good-bye. I'm not a fan of the holidays. The hustle, the bustle, the food, the shopping, all the while pretending everything is magical and perfect like it is in the movies on the Lifetime chanel. Like everytime a bell rings an angel gets it's wings. Crap. It's all crap. What happens during this time is that I gain weight, spend too much money, cut out a bunch of damn snowflakes at work and I am exhausted. Don't even talk to me about the spiritual part because all those people waiting outside of Walmart and the local mall all night long on Thanksgiving night ready to stab or taze someone over an XBox, those people are not thinking about our savior, Jesus Christ. Just saying. That part of the holidays is not magical. I may be a little more bitter this year than most due to the passing of my Dad during this holiday season, but still, I think all of the hub-bub is crap.
And so, it will be with great joy that I remove the minimal decorations off of my tree (that didn't even get put on the tree until Christmas Eve) and put the tree away. We'll take the Christmas lights down outside, the ones that make us look like we are selling Charlie Brown Christmas trees, and get back to normal. Besides, we don't have time to bask in the nostalgia of the holidays, Valentine's Day is right around the corner. We need time to save money to buy candy and diamonds and make people that don't have a significant other feel sad and left out. That's right, another special holiday. Stupid naked cupid with a bow and arrow, go eat a cupcake and put some pants on already.
The first of the year is also a time for everyone to make their new year's resolutions. Yes, that's right, the fatties will lose weight, the smokers will stop smoking, the procrastinators will stop procrastinating (staring Monday, for sure...and if not, definitely by the weekend), people will take that vacation that they have always dreamed of, etc. To recap, everyone will have their hopes and dreams realized. It will be special. So much so, that next Thanksgiving they will have so much to be thankful for. Yep, the fatties will be buying gym memberships, spandex will be manufactured in bulk, treadmills will burn rubber, Nutri-System, Jenny Craig and ex-lax sales will be off the charts. The smokers will be wearing patches, smelling ash trays and buying chewing gum. The procrastinators, well, they will be buying planners and special apps on their phone reminding them to get their ass out of bed and go to work and get some stuff done..tomorrow.
And me? Well, I don't believe in new year's resolutions. I believe in "fresh starts" and trying to "get on track." But, I don't resolve to make something happen just because it is January 1st. It's a lot of pressure at the end of the year when you didn't do what you wanted to do. So, I am going to eat healthier, which I've already started (minus the cookies I pigged out on last night), get to the gym more and save money. I have goals and I have dreams, I just hate having to look at gym bunnies while trying to achieve them.
This year could be especially pivotal if 2012 really is end of times as some believe. I just wish I knew if I could count on that one way or the other. I mean, I would hate to finally pay off the student loan and deprive myself of ice cream when clearly I could be living frivolously and fat. I just saw an infomercial on an adult onesie called Forever Lazy. It's essentially a onesie/Snuggie combo. I could live in those for a year. Mom has been reading Sylvia Brown books and they say we all have a spirit guide. If my spirit guide could just let me know one way or the other, I could decide whether to order a onesie or not. I'll just wait here. I'm listening...waiting...to be guided....
Anyway, Happy Freakin New Year!
Sincerely,
Angry Pony
And so, it will be with great joy that I remove the minimal decorations off of my tree (that didn't even get put on the tree until Christmas Eve) and put the tree away. We'll take the Christmas lights down outside, the ones that make us look like we are selling Charlie Brown Christmas trees, and get back to normal. Besides, we don't have time to bask in the nostalgia of the holidays, Valentine's Day is right around the corner. We need time to save money to buy candy and diamonds and make people that don't have a significant other feel sad and left out. That's right, another special holiday. Stupid naked cupid with a bow and arrow, go eat a cupcake and put some pants on already.
The first of the year is also a time for everyone to make their new year's resolutions. Yes, that's right, the fatties will lose weight, the smokers will stop smoking, the procrastinators will stop procrastinating (staring Monday, for sure...and if not, definitely by the weekend), people will take that vacation that they have always dreamed of, etc. To recap, everyone will have their hopes and dreams realized. It will be special. So much so, that next Thanksgiving they will have so much to be thankful for. Yep, the fatties will be buying gym memberships, spandex will be manufactured in bulk, treadmills will burn rubber, Nutri-System, Jenny Craig and ex-lax sales will be off the charts. The smokers will be wearing patches, smelling ash trays and buying chewing gum. The procrastinators, well, they will be buying planners and special apps on their phone reminding them to get their ass out of bed and go to work and get some stuff done..tomorrow.
And me? Well, I don't believe in new year's resolutions. I believe in "fresh starts" and trying to "get on track." But, I don't resolve to make something happen just because it is January 1st. It's a lot of pressure at the end of the year when you didn't do what you wanted to do. So, I am going to eat healthier, which I've already started (minus the cookies I pigged out on last night), get to the gym more and save money. I have goals and I have dreams, I just hate having to look at gym bunnies while trying to achieve them.
This year could be especially pivotal if 2012 really is end of times as some believe. I just wish I knew if I could count on that one way or the other. I mean, I would hate to finally pay off the student loan and deprive myself of ice cream when clearly I could be living frivolously and fat. I just saw an infomercial on an adult onesie called Forever Lazy. It's essentially a onesie/Snuggie combo. I could live in those for a year. Mom has been reading Sylvia Brown books and they say we all have a spirit guide. If my spirit guide could just let me know one way or the other, I could decide whether to order a onesie or not. I'll just wait here. I'm listening...waiting...to be guided....
Anyway, Happy Freakin New Year!
Sincerely,
Angry Pony
No comments:
Post a Comment