Today a topic came up that caused me a certain amount of rage. Size zero. Why is there a size zero? What does that mean? Does that mean you are nothing? Does it mean you are invisible? I went jeans shopping with my sister about a week ago and held up a pair that were a size zero. Pretty ridiculous. My pal at work has a daughter that is a size zero. We'll call her daughter, that also works with me, "Fun Size Barbie." (You know, like the "fun size" candy bars?)
Fun Size Barbie comes walking up today and I'd had enough. I said to her, "Hey, I know you were a double zero and now you are up to a size zero because you finally developed a tiny ass, but what size is your waist? I mean, it has to measure something? right?" She informs me her waist is 24 inches. So, what that means is that her waist is bigger than zero inches, so thusly, why in the hell is there a size of clothing called a size zero? And, this isn't just the ranting of a fat girl (ok, so it is), this is a serious question. What genius decided we are starting clothing sizes at a zero? I mean, call it a size one if you want, but zero? What does that even mean? Like someday you will grow up and become a real girl? Or, like if you exceed the size zero and, say, plump up to a size two that you are going to have to go on a diet? What a cow!!!
I will tell you what I do know. Being Fun Size Barbie means that you can wear whatever you want, do whatever you want with your hair and you look cute all the time and no one questions it. Like a freakin Polly Pocket key chain or something. Fun Size Barbie comes walking up today, her hair is all in a messy bun on the top of her head, she is wearing this little cute baby pink hoodie sweatshirt, jeans and then these cute pink socks and cute little boots. I don't know if she got her clothes at the American Girl Doll store or what, but she is working it. If I dressed like that, people would ask me if I was sick, or if I had forgotten to do laundry, or if there had been a house fire and I lost all my belongings. But no. Fun Size Barbie aka Polly Pocket can do whatever she wants and no one questions it. She could walk up to some hot guy and say, "Excuse me, I have a booger hanging out of my nose, will you wipe it off?" And he would. That's just how size zero girls work. They can't help it. If you put her and a puppy side by side, you would totally get a sugar high. It's too much for me.
Now, I will say, I like Fun Size Barbie, but when I see her walking around, all cute like, I pretty much want to stuff her skinny ass in a sock, kidnap her, take her to the Twinkie factory and tell them she wants to be a taste tester (even though she will deny it) and suggest they lock her in a room and force feed her Twinkie filling until she reaches 300 pounds, at which time they can release her back into society. I'm not saying I'm going to do that, I'm just saying it's a fantasy.
Fun Size Barbie comes walking up today and I'd had enough. I said to her, "Hey, I know you were a double zero and now you are up to a size zero because you finally developed a tiny ass, but what size is your waist? I mean, it has to measure something? right?" She informs me her waist is 24 inches. So, what that means is that her waist is bigger than zero inches, so thusly, why in the hell is there a size of clothing called a size zero? And, this isn't just the ranting of a fat girl (ok, so it is), this is a serious question. What genius decided we are starting clothing sizes at a zero? I mean, call it a size one if you want, but zero? What does that even mean? Like someday you will grow up and become a real girl? Or, like if you exceed the size zero and, say, plump up to a size two that you are going to have to go on a diet? What a cow!!!
I will tell you what I do know. Being Fun Size Barbie means that you can wear whatever you want, do whatever you want with your hair and you look cute all the time and no one questions it. Like a freakin Polly Pocket key chain or something. Fun Size Barbie comes walking up today, her hair is all in a messy bun on the top of her head, she is wearing this little cute baby pink hoodie sweatshirt, jeans and then these cute pink socks and cute little boots. I don't know if she got her clothes at the American Girl Doll store or what, but she is working it. If I dressed like that, people would ask me if I was sick, or if I had forgotten to do laundry, or if there had been a house fire and I lost all my belongings. But no. Fun Size Barbie aka Polly Pocket can do whatever she wants and no one questions it. She could walk up to some hot guy and say, "Excuse me, I have a booger hanging out of my nose, will you wipe it off?" And he would. That's just how size zero girls work. They can't help it. If you put her and a puppy side by side, you would totally get a sugar high. It's too much for me.
Now, I will say, I like Fun Size Barbie, but when I see her walking around, all cute like, I pretty much want to stuff her skinny ass in a sock, kidnap her, take her to the Twinkie factory and tell them she wants to be a taste tester (even though she will deny it) and suggest they lock her in a room and force feed her Twinkie filling until she reaches 300 pounds, at which time they can release her back into society. I'm not saying I'm going to do that, I'm just saying it's a fantasy.
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