So, I have to start off today, by giving some detail on yesterday. I didn't blog about it last night because I felt like it was an over-share, but then I remembered I don't really have any boundaries, so I will at least give a brief synopsis to set the stage for today.
Yesterday morning started with a trip to the doctor. I thought it was just a consult, but it turns out it was for the actual procedure. The procedure is called a LEEP procedure. The long and short of it is, they were cutting a marble sized section of tissue off of my cervix to test for cancer. It wasn't super fun and so, I ended up taking the day off to sit at home and think about the fact my girl parts were going to look like a slice of swiss cheese down there....holes everywhere. My husband, as a gesture of "I'm sorry you have an extra hole in your hoo hoo" brought me some mint M&M's. This did not help my new resolve to eat clean. I ranted on skinny girls the other night about just this type of thing, but what is a girl to do in this situation?
This brings me to this morning. I'm not going to lie, I wasn't really feeling the love for today from the get go, but since I need to pay bills, I went to work. Upon arriving at work, I was faced with sabotage from the start. One of the managers, Cross-Fit Crazy, came up and asked me if I wanted cake. It's like, 8:30am, no I don't want any freakin' cake. What is wrong with these people? Once again, some in-shape dude trying to ply me with calories. Bastard.
After shaming Cross-Fit Crazy appropriately, I finally get my computer to come up. My e-mail has been a hot mess ever since boss #1 sent me an e-mail on Tuesday morning at 5:17am. That e-mail has a virus or something because I get that e-mail every 3 minutes for hours at a time. It is just the kind of thing to make me want to throw my computer out the window. Boss #1 actually sent me an email that said, "Hey, did you see the email I sent regarding that issue?" Um yeah. I took a screen shot of my inbox with about 50 of his duplicate emails and sent it to him, "yeah, got it, all 300 times." Ever since Tuesday, I get that same stupid email, ALL DAY LONG. No one seems to know how to fix it. Today it was making my blood boil.
As it happens every morning, our 9:30 "keeping in touch" meeting took place. I lead these meetings and keep everyone on task. Usually boss #2 stands by me. Today he moved across the circle that all the managers form. As we went around to each person and did our normal "what's going on?" thing, it got to be boss#2's turn. He prefaced his statement with, "I know Cassondra is going to kill me, but Boss #1 wants us to order lunch for the center...today." I can't be certain, but my head may have spun around at least three times, my eyes did the cartoon thing where they pop out and then come back to rest in my sockets. I said calmly, "TODAY?" Everyone held their breath as they looked at me, waiting for me to explode. Not today. You don't get to see my insides hit the wall today. I am calm. I repeat, I am calm. I then left our meeting to go to my desk to make the said arrangements. Pizza it is. I freakin hate pizza for several reasons. First, I like to eat it and it isn't on my list. Secondly, I have to order it for over 200 people. That is a lot of pizza, no one is ever happy, people are pigs, it makes a mess....blah blah blah....but I order the pizza. Calmly. I sent an email out to the center advising them of what time the pizza will be there and where, etc.
I went downstairs to get water and ice. In the elevator on the way back up, I got the pleasure of listening to two employees complain about getting pizza today. The company just sent an email about getting fit and now we're getting pizza. Last time I checked, no one came around and force fed the pizza to anyone. No one is required to eat it. No one was then forced to over-eat, put on stretchy pants and wallow in cellulite on their couch while watching the Food Network or the Maury Povich show for the rest of their lives either. When I got back to my desk I knew it was time to set myself to "Do not disturb" on my instant messenger when I got the first ping from one of the managers, "when is the next round of pizza arriving?" To which I replied, "I sent an email, read it."
I sat at my desk and lost my mind for just a moment. I drank my protein shake and realized, I didn't want an effing protein shake. I didn't want to be here. I wanted pizza. I wanted to be thin. I wanted my hoo hoo to stop hurting. And why the frig do I have some weird snag on the left side of my sweater right on top of my boob. I looked like I was wearing a tassle for crying out loud. This wasn't my day. People would not stop sending me emails and asking for things and being needy. I needed to be needy and no one cared. "I need, I need, I need!!!" That's all I heard all day.
And so, I ate two pieces of pizza and had some cake. Eff everyone...including myself. Pity party commenced, party of one. To add insult to injury, I had to go to the store to buy a gift card for one of the managers. I bought my boss a corn dog, because, if I was cheating on my diet, he was going to cheat on his. But while I was out, I took it one step further, I went to Jack in the Box and got some onion rings and a Coke. Screw today.
I got back to the office and threw my boss's corn dog on his desk and gave him a look defying him not to eat it. Juice diet my ass. That boy was eating a corn dog. An hour or so later, I finished some other things I had been working on for most of the day and decided to do a couple of Jib Jab's. In my defense, my boss did tell me to do them. I don't have as much fun doing them as I used to under the old administration, however, I still manage to amuse myself at others expense. It's a perk. Not long after I finished Jib Jabbing, my boss shows up sucking on a Slurpee. Mission accomplished. I took someone down with me on the trail to diet disaster. It is, however, difficult to talk shop with your boss when he has brain freeze. Which reminds me, I need to do some research on brain freezes. I don't know what the long term ramifications are, but we need to be educated. It might not be too much of an issue though because, somehow, the wife network was activated and my boss got a call from the Mrs. Apparently, Slurpees are not on the juice diet and now he is in trouble.
Finally, my day was over. It was time to go home. I walked out to my truck and went to call my husband. Guess who can't call her husband because her phone has been shut off? That would be me. I'm not mentioning any names, but someone was supposed to handle that little detail today. Well, let's just hope I don't break down or anything. At that moment, I took my blue tooth off, gave it a fling, tossed my phone in my purse and cranked up a little Brittany Spears on the stereo. From one hot mess to another, I thought we could relate. I mean, I'm probably not going to go home and shave my head or drive around with my babies on my lap in the front seat, but the girl does have some peppy tunes, so why not. Me and Britt-Britt and her latest CD. It is a guilty pleasure.
So, I'm home. I've blogged. I've eaten the remainder of the mint M&M's while I blogged. My husband isn't home. I don't know where he is. I'd call him....but you know...phone issues.
You know what would make this moment perfect? Ice cream. Alas, I have none. I guess I'll find some sort of chick flick TV show and wait for prince charming to come home...good night.
Yesterday morning started with a trip to the doctor. I thought it was just a consult, but it turns out it was for the actual procedure. The procedure is called a LEEP procedure. The long and short of it is, they were cutting a marble sized section of tissue off of my cervix to test for cancer. It wasn't super fun and so, I ended up taking the day off to sit at home and think about the fact my girl parts were going to look like a slice of swiss cheese down there....holes everywhere. My husband, as a gesture of "I'm sorry you have an extra hole in your hoo hoo" brought me some mint M&M's. This did not help my new resolve to eat clean. I ranted on skinny girls the other night about just this type of thing, but what is a girl to do in this situation?
This brings me to this morning. I'm not going to lie, I wasn't really feeling the love for today from the get go, but since I need to pay bills, I went to work. Upon arriving at work, I was faced with sabotage from the start. One of the managers, Cross-Fit Crazy, came up and asked me if I wanted cake. It's like, 8:30am, no I don't want any freakin' cake. What is wrong with these people? Once again, some in-shape dude trying to ply me with calories. Bastard.
After shaming Cross-Fit Crazy appropriately, I finally get my computer to come up. My e-mail has been a hot mess ever since boss #1 sent me an e-mail on Tuesday morning at 5:17am. That e-mail has a virus or something because I get that e-mail every 3 minutes for hours at a time. It is just the kind of thing to make me want to throw my computer out the window. Boss #1 actually sent me an email that said, "Hey, did you see the email I sent regarding that issue?" Um yeah. I took a screen shot of my inbox with about 50 of his duplicate emails and sent it to him, "yeah, got it, all 300 times." Ever since Tuesday, I get that same stupid email, ALL DAY LONG. No one seems to know how to fix it. Today it was making my blood boil.
As it happens every morning, our 9:30 "keeping in touch" meeting took place. I lead these meetings and keep everyone on task. Usually boss #2 stands by me. Today he moved across the circle that all the managers form. As we went around to each person and did our normal "what's going on?" thing, it got to be boss#2's turn. He prefaced his statement with, "I know Cassondra is going to kill me, but Boss #1 wants us to order lunch for the center...today." I can't be certain, but my head may have spun around at least three times, my eyes did the cartoon thing where they pop out and then come back to rest in my sockets. I said calmly, "TODAY?" Everyone held their breath as they looked at me, waiting for me to explode. Not today. You don't get to see my insides hit the wall today. I am calm. I repeat, I am calm. I then left our meeting to go to my desk to make the said arrangements. Pizza it is. I freakin hate pizza for several reasons. First, I like to eat it and it isn't on my list. Secondly, I have to order it for over 200 people. That is a lot of pizza, no one is ever happy, people are pigs, it makes a mess....blah blah blah....but I order the pizza. Calmly. I sent an email out to the center advising them of what time the pizza will be there and where, etc.
I went downstairs to get water and ice. In the elevator on the way back up, I got the pleasure of listening to two employees complain about getting pizza today. The company just sent an email about getting fit and now we're getting pizza. Last time I checked, no one came around and force fed the pizza to anyone. No one is required to eat it. No one was then forced to over-eat, put on stretchy pants and wallow in cellulite on their couch while watching the Food Network or the Maury Povich show for the rest of their lives either. When I got back to my desk I knew it was time to set myself to "Do not disturb" on my instant messenger when I got the first ping from one of the managers, "when is the next round of pizza arriving?" To which I replied, "I sent an email, read it."
I sat at my desk and lost my mind for just a moment. I drank my protein shake and realized, I didn't want an effing protein shake. I didn't want to be here. I wanted pizza. I wanted to be thin. I wanted my hoo hoo to stop hurting. And why the frig do I have some weird snag on the left side of my sweater right on top of my boob. I looked like I was wearing a tassle for crying out loud. This wasn't my day. People would not stop sending me emails and asking for things and being needy. I needed to be needy and no one cared. "I need, I need, I need!!!" That's all I heard all day.
And so, I ate two pieces of pizza and had some cake. Eff everyone...including myself. Pity party commenced, party of one. To add insult to injury, I had to go to the store to buy a gift card for one of the managers. I bought my boss a corn dog, because, if I was cheating on my diet, he was going to cheat on his. But while I was out, I took it one step further, I went to Jack in the Box and got some onion rings and a Coke. Screw today.
I got back to the office and threw my boss's corn dog on his desk and gave him a look defying him not to eat it. Juice diet my ass. That boy was eating a corn dog. An hour or so later, I finished some other things I had been working on for most of the day and decided to do a couple of Jib Jab's. In my defense, my boss did tell me to do them. I don't have as much fun doing them as I used to under the old administration, however, I still manage to amuse myself at others expense. It's a perk. Not long after I finished Jib Jabbing, my boss shows up sucking on a Slurpee. Mission accomplished. I took someone down with me on the trail to diet disaster. It is, however, difficult to talk shop with your boss when he has brain freeze. Which reminds me, I need to do some research on brain freezes. I don't know what the long term ramifications are, but we need to be educated. It might not be too much of an issue though because, somehow, the wife network was activated and my boss got a call from the Mrs. Apparently, Slurpees are not on the juice diet and now he is in trouble.
Finally, my day was over. It was time to go home. I walked out to my truck and went to call my husband. Guess who can't call her husband because her phone has been shut off? That would be me. I'm not mentioning any names, but someone was supposed to handle that little detail today. Well, let's just hope I don't break down or anything. At that moment, I took my blue tooth off, gave it a fling, tossed my phone in my purse and cranked up a little Brittany Spears on the stereo. From one hot mess to another, I thought we could relate. I mean, I'm probably not going to go home and shave my head or drive around with my babies on my lap in the front seat, but the girl does have some peppy tunes, so why not. Me and Britt-Britt and her latest CD. It is a guilty pleasure.
So, I'm home. I've blogged. I've eaten the remainder of the mint M&M's while I blogged. My husband isn't home. I don't know where he is. I'd call him....but you know...phone issues.
You know what would make this moment perfect? Ice cream. Alas, I have none. I guess I'll find some sort of chick flick TV show and wait for prince charming to come home...good night.
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