Why do skinny people feel the need to feed fat people cookies? Why? Today, on two separate occasions, I was assaulted by tall, skinny women. I was at my desk, sucking down my protein shake when High Heel Barbie shows up with her big tray of cookies. "Do you want one?" she asks sweetly as her tall, slender, perfectly dressed, high-heeled self with beaming white teeth and shiny pretty hair leans over. I said, "no thank you." High Heel Barbie says, "oh, come on, you know you want one...." I said, "no, I'm trying to be good." She says, "Come on, one cookie won't hurt..." I said, "NO, No, No! That one cookie has friends that I'd like to meet! NO." Dejected, she left. I yelled after her, "Thanks anyway." I looked back down at my shake, my shake looked back at me and we resigned ourselves that cookies were not for us.
The day plugs along as the office sucks out my will to live. It's afternoon now, but I have been strong. I am drinking my water, I'm drinking my shakes, I had a sensible lunch. And then it happened, Skinny Workout Chick comes over with the same tray of cookies (apparently, High Heel Barbie must have been on break) and says, "here." I said, "NO! Get those away." I was panicked because it was afternoon and fat girls get really hungry in the afternoon and it isn't like you'd have to hold me down and shove them in my mouth. I could easily have been swayed. Skinny Workout Chick then places the tray of cookies on my desk and starts to walk away. I yelled, "No, No, No!!! Take that with you RIGHT NOW! Do NOT leave that here!" She finally came over and took the tray away.
What is wrong with these women? I realize my potbelly is probably sending out some sort of "bat signal" to sugar, or some sort of undecipherable to the human ear underwater whale noises entrancing people, but come on. I think skinny girls like it when fat girls are in turmoil. I think this is exactly why I enjoy watching skinny girls in turmoil on America's Next Top Model, its only fair. I just want to be in the skinny girl club, why they gotta try and keep me out?
On the flip side, I'll be honest, if High Heels Barbie or Skinny Workout Chick walk over with celery sticks and say, "here, looks like you need this," I'm not going to lie...someone's gonna get a skinny girl beat down. And I don't want to step over the line here and make an accusation that may not be true, but skinny girls could be why America is facing such an obesity crisis. They are feeding the fat girls. It's some sort of "survival of the fittest" thing. Well, I'm on to you girls! You won't get me with your cookies! Now ice cream...you've got me there....you little bitches.
The day plugs along as the office sucks out my will to live. It's afternoon now, but I have been strong. I am drinking my water, I'm drinking my shakes, I had a sensible lunch. And then it happened, Skinny Workout Chick comes over with the same tray of cookies (apparently, High Heel Barbie must have been on break) and says, "here." I said, "NO! Get those away." I was panicked because it was afternoon and fat girls get really hungry in the afternoon and it isn't like you'd have to hold me down and shove them in my mouth. I could easily have been swayed. Skinny Workout Chick then places the tray of cookies on my desk and starts to walk away. I yelled, "No, No, No!!! Take that with you RIGHT NOW! Do NOT leave that here!" She finally came over and took the tray away.
What is wrong with these women? I realize my potbelly is probably sending out some sort of "bat signal" to sugar, or some sort of undecipherable to the human ear underwater whale noises entrancing people, but come on. I think skinny girls like it when fat girls are in turmoil. I think this is exactly why I enjoy watching skinny girls in turmoil on America's Next Top Model, its only fair. I just want to be in the skinny girl club, why they gotta try and keep me out?
On the flip side, I'll be honest, if High Heels Barbie or Skinny Workout Chick walk over with celery sticks and say, "here, looks like you need this," I'm not going to lie...someone's gonna get a skinny girl beat down. And I don't want to step over the line here and make an accusation that may not be true, but skinny girls could be why America is facing such an obesity crisis. They are feeding the fat girls. It's some sort of "survival of the fittest" thing. Well, I'm on to you girls! You won't get me with your cookies! Now ice cream...you've got me there....you little bitches.
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