It's Monday. What can we really say about Monday? We are tired, cranky and really just want another day off. I had just come off a good weekend of fun, as it was my birthday, but was hoping today I could get back on track and get my crap together. I mean, seriously, it was a great weekend of fun, but a BAD weekend for eating. I think I gained four pounds. That is caution to the wind, baby. However, today was the day I was going to get back on track (assuming I had ever actually been on the track). I was confident. I had packed a healthy breakfast and lunch and heck, I might even make it to the gym.
Upon arriving at work, I couldn't help but notice that it looked like My Little Ponies had a frat party at my desk. Yes, thank you High Heel Barbie for decorating my desk. Thank you for the MLP nail polish and body glitter. Thank you for all the balloons. Kangaroo Guy said, "Do you think you can ever have too much pony stuff?" I looked at him as if I didn't understand the question. I replied, "Too much? No. I mean, if there is a threshold, I surely have not reached it." Some people don't understand the power of the pony. Anyway, as I am absorbing my environment, here comes High Heel Barbie and she has that evil grin. I mean, it's friendly, but she is up to no good. Here is evidence of the crime:
Yes, she made me a tutu. And she brought me a boa. And she made me a special wand I can clobber people with (the gift that keeps on giving). I did the complimentary parade of shame in my outfit. I mean, Barbie's Minion did go to all the trouble to make the tutu and bedazzle it, I had to show it off. I guess once you have been all that is Honey Boo Boo, really, what standards do you have? Exactly.
After removing the tutu, I headed to the ladies room. As I sat there in stall #1, I realized three things. Realization number one, I noticed the dead fly that had been on the floor for going on two weeks now, was still there. Just laying there on his back, legs up. This is proof the janitor has not been doing his job. So, what? If no one craps all over the floor we don't have to clean it? Whatever. Not that I have any love for flies, but he may actually live there for eternity...or until someone craps on him. Realization number two, as I sat there, I couldn't help but notice my boobs were looking good today. Then I realized why - my gut was pushing them up. That's right, my gut is "nature's underwire." Who needs Victoria Secret? I've got Nature's Underwire. And finally, realization number three. As I was pulling up my pants, I was forced to consider the reality that "stretch jeans" are only capable of so much. I really did need to get to the gym today. If I put any more pressure on that button, it's going to come flying off of there and take someone's eye out, or break a window. I don't think this is what the manufacturer of stretch denim had in mind. They really ought to put a warning label on them like they do for say, your hair dryer. I mean, they tell you not to blow dry your hair while in the shower, I think the least they can do is tell you what the maximum stretch capacity is for your Calvin's and what will happen if you exceed that. It's safety and it just makes good sense.
As my day progressed, I decided to take a walk on my lunch hour. As I got outside this one gal was looking at me funny, then she looked away and then looked back and said, "Didn't you....aren't you the one....didn't you dress up.....as.....?" I said, "Yes, Honey Boo Boo, that was me." Of all the things I could be known for, this was not exactly what I had hoped for. I continued walking. It was really nice outside, the sun was kind of out, it was kind of warm. I was contemplating all kinds of things and then I hear this loud noise of someone hocking up a hairball, then he reaches up, plugs one nostril and shoots snot out the other. Really? Nice. I guess I should be glad he wasn't raping a squirrel. I started to walk a little faster, it's dangerous out here.
I got back to my desk and pulled out some pre-cut veggies I had bought at the store. I was going to snack healthy even though what I wanted was to have some chocolate. I tried to get a carrot out. Wouldn't budge. Tried to get a piece of celery out. Stuck. I'm trying each piece, pulling on it, nothing. Son of a bitch. WHO does this? I'm a fat girl in a bind and I can't get my freaking carrots out of the stupid container! It's bad enough I have to eat rabbit food when other people are eating chips and cookies and crap. And don't even get me started about all the asshats that brought all their kids halloween candy in and put it all over the building because God forbid their little asshats don't want to get tooth decay. I can't even get a freaking carrot out! I took the container and started slamming it against the desk. Finally, just when it was about to go flying across the room, a carrot fell out. I ate it. It sucked. And that is pretty much how that went.
In other news, I'm trying to get used to my new no-line bifocal glasses. They were another item that almost went flying across the room. I hate them. I will give it a week or so and then I'm going back down to Pearle Vision where I got them and tell that lying glasses selling whore that she was wrong when she said I would just love them. Hmphf.
I guess that sums up my Monday. Three cheers for Tuesday.
Upon arriving at work, I couldn't help but notice that it looked like My Little Ponies had a frat party at my desk. Yes, thank you High Heel Barbie for decorating my desk. Thank you for the MLP nail polish and body glitter. Thank you for all the balloons. Kangaroo Guy said, "Do you think you can ever have too much pony stuff?" I looked at him as if I didn't understand the question. I replied, "Too much? No. I mean, if there is a threshold, I surely have not reached it." Some people don't understand the power of the pony. Anyway, as I am absorbing my environment, here comes High Heel Barbie and she has that evil grin. I mean, it's friendly, but she is up to no good. Here is evidence of the crime:
After removing the tutu, I headed to the ladies room. As I sat there in stall #1, I realized three things. Realization number one, I noticed the dead fly that had been on the floor for going on two weeks now, was still there. Just laying there on his back, legs up. This is proof the janitor has not been doing his job. So, what? If no one craps all over the floor we don't have to clean it? Whatever. Not that I have any love for flies, but he may actually live there for eternity...or until someone craps on him. Realization number two, as I sat there, I couldn't help but notice my boobs were looking good today. Then I realized why - my gut was pushing them up. That's right, my gut is "nature's underwire." Who needs Victoria Secret? I've got Nature's Underwire. And finally, realization number three. As I was pulling up my pants, I was forced to consider the reality that "stretch jeans" are only capable of so much. I really did need to get to the gym today. If I put any more pressure on that button, it's going to come flying off of there and take someone's eye out, or break a window. I don't think this is what the manufacturer of stretch denim had in mind. They really ought to put a warning label on them like they do for say, your hair dryer. I mean, they tell you not to blow dry your hair while in the shower, I think the least they can do is tell you what the maximum stretch capacity is for your Calvin's and what will happen if you exceed that. It's safety and it just makes good sense.
As my day progressed, I decided to take a walk on my lunch hour. As I got outside this one gal was looking at me funny, then she looked away and then looked back and said, "Didn't you....aren't you the one....didn't you dress up.....as.....?" I said, "Yes, Honey Boo Boo, that was me." Of all the things I could be known for, this was not exactly what I had hoped for. I continued walking. It was really nice outside, the sun was kind of out, it was kind of warm. I was contemplating all kinds of things and then I hear this loud noise of someone hocking up a hairball, then he reaches up, plugs one nostril and shoots snot out the other. Really? Nice. I guess I should be glad he wasn't raping a squirrel. I started to walk a little faster, it's dangerous out here.
I got back to my desk and pulled out some pre-cut veggies I had bought at the store. I was going to snack healthy even though what I wanted was to have some chocolate. I tried to get a carrot out. Wouldn't budge. Tried to get a piece of celery out. Stuck. I'm trying each piece, pulling on it, nothing. Son of a bitch. WHO does this? I'm a fat girl in a bind and I can't get my freaking carrots out of the stupid container! It's bad enough I have to eat rabbit food when other people are eating chips and cookies and crap. And don't even get me started about all the asshats that brought all their kids halloween candy in and put it all over the building because God forbid their little asshats don't want to get tooth decay. I can't even get a freaking carrot out! I took the container and started slamming it against the desk. Finally, just when it was about to go flying across the room, a carrot fell out. I ate it. It sucked. And that is pretty much how that went.
In other news, I'm trying to get used to my new no-line bifocal glasses. They were another item that almost went flying across the room. I hate them. I will give it a week or so and then I'm going back down to Pearle Vision where I got them and tell that lying glasses selling whore that she was wrong when she said I would just love them. Hmphf.
I guess that sums up my Monday. Three cheers for Tuesday.
Thank you again. Omg, didn't get to see you in person with the full new Pony princess costume, thank you sooooo much for sharing. Glass of wine, contemplating the day, and catching up on Angry Pony. Life is good.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I walk over the Bridge and go to the other bathroom or use the one downstairs, just because of reasons like the fly. The Fucking sink has been broken for at least six years.... I haven't been in that bathroom for a week or 10 days, I avoid it, but visited stall 1 today (11/7) and wondered as I looked down how long will that fly has been there, and how long will it remain? I should just come in here to see in a couple of days.
I fool myself thinking the bathroom on Fl2 is cleaner, I swear there's been these bolts on the back of stall 4's toilet since at least Feb. I was thinking it's because it's mechanically that's why they haven't moved it.... Yes, that's right they clean around it.
Thank you for sharing Angry Pony..