I woke up today to Facebook exploding about election day and who had won and what initiatives had passed. It looks like in my state marijuana is going to be legalized. Everyone acts like this means anyone can grow it and strike up a doobie and that every person is this state will be stoned all the time. Newsflash, anyone that wants to smoke pot, already does. Anyway, not going to get into the logistics of all of that, but really, what if we were all stoned? Consider this, at work, you walk in and say to your boss, "Hey dude, I'm totally going to get to those expense reports today...or tomorrow at the latest. I'm just gonna see how it goes." And then your boss says, "Awesome! I'm gonna go sell some chickens on Farmville and take some conference calls while I "mellow out." My boss is such a buzz kill..." Then, you walk past this chick that really annoys you and you are all like, "Hey Buffy, nice tye dye shirt." And then she is totally like, "Thanks, man...." Beats the hell out of being uptight and wanting to punch people. Let's all get stoned. Better yet, let's eat some pot brownies and laugh until it hurts (or you pee yourself, not saying I've done it, but also not saying I haven't) at least once a day. I've heard that laughter actually improves your health. The only thing we would need to care for is that there were enough Doritos and Cheezy Puffs down in the vending machine, because from what I hear pot makes you hungry. Of course that is going to make us fat, then we are going to need Segways to get around at work, who wants to work out? No one.
Some of you are wondering, why in the hell is she going on about pot? I'll tell you why. Today, in a very ironic twist of fate, my company decides they are going to give our employees a token to commemorate Veteran's Day. This token is a pot. That's right, it is a little pot with flower seeds inside and instructions on how to grow them. To avoid confusion, before I passed them out, I sent an email out advising them that I was bringing pots around, but that it had nothing to do with this being the same day we are legalizing pot. As it turns out, this was not helpful. Each person thanked me for their pot and made a joke about it. That's fine. It's all in good fun. I just could not get over how excited each person was about these little pots. I mean, you would think that there was actual marijuana in them. People asked if they could have a second one and they wanted to make sure no one was left out. One person spotted me heading towards his area and said, "Just so you know we've all been moved around, so you might have a hard time finding us." I advised him that I would be able to figure out where people sit. He said some of the cubicles still looked like people sat there, but in fact, they didn't. I, once again, assured him I would be able to handle this. He seemed skeptical. I said, "Here, take it now then." He declined, apparently deciding to trust me with his pot. I went along my merry way and passed out the pots. I gave them to everyone and even left one at his desk, as promised. I then got over to my pal Valerie's desk and left her a pot. She has been gone for a while on medical leave, but she is coming back soon. I continued on to the other side of the area. Suddenly, I hear the "concerned citizen" yelling at me, "Cassandra, Cassandra, no one sits here!" and he is holding up a pot while standing at her desk. I was instantly irritated. Why in the hell is he checking all the desks I left the pots at? I yelled back that yes, someone does sit there. Mind you, ALL of her stuff is still there. And, I mean, my word, she has like three pairs of glasses, post-its everywhere, umbrella's pictures, general memorabilia, it's clear it is inhabited. I advise him again, yes, that is Valerie's desk and she is coming back. He argued that he had never seen anyone sit there. I argued back that I know she is coming back soon. Slowly he put the pot down, but you could tell he didn't believe me. I finished handing out the pots and I wondered, was the concerned citizen going to go around and steal everyone's pots? If so, what was he going to do with them? Was he going to start his own growing operation? I mean, he does have a tye-dyed t-shirt. I sense a movement is upon us.
I returned to my desk wondering why people were so stoked about these little pots. I guess I'll never know because I have been trying to kill two plants at my desk for 3 years with only semi success. Oh well, I guess I'll just let it be an enigma. I wonder if the presence of the pots will somehow create a calmer workforce. It might be a fun experiment. Maybe some of those seeds should be changed out. We'll have a control group and placebo group. Yes, this could be fun! Now, where do I get pot? Anyone?
Some of you are wondering, why in the hell is she going on about pot? I'll tell you why. Today, in a very ironic twist of fate, my company decides they are going to give our employees a token to commemorate Veteran's Day. This token is a pot. That's right, it is a little pot with flower seeds inside and instructions on how to grow them. To avoid confusion, before I passed them out, I sent an email out advising them that I was bringing pots around, but that it had nothing to do with this being the same day we are legalizing pot. As it turns out, this was not helpful. Each person thanked me for their pot and made a joke about it. That's fine. It's all in good fun. I just could not get over how excited each person was about these little pots. I mean, you would think that there was actual marijuana in them. People asked if they could have a second one and they wanted to make sure no one was left out. One person spotted me heading towards his area and said, "Just so you know we've all been moved around, so you might have a hard time finding us." I advised him that I would be able to figure out where people sit. He said some of the cubicles still looked like people sat there, but in fact, they didn't. I, once again, assured him I would be able to handle this. He seemed skeptical. I said, "Here, take it now then." He declined, apparently deciding to trust me with his pot. I went along my merry way and passed out the pots. I gave them to everyone and even left one at his desk, as promised. I then got over to my pal Valerie's desk and left her a pot. She has been gone for a while on medical leave, but she is coming back soon. I continued on to the other side of the area. Suddenly, I hear the "concerned citizen" yelling at me, "Cassandra, Cassandra, no one sits here!" and he is holding up a pot while standing at her desk. I was instantly irritated. Why in the hell is he checking all the desks I left the pots at? I yelled back that yes, someone does sit there. Mind you, ALL of her stuff is still there. And, I mean, my word, she has like three pairs of glasses, post-its everywhere, umbrella's pictures, general memorabilia, it's clear it is inhabited. I advise him again, yes, that is Valerie's desk and she is coming back. He argued that he had never seen anyone sit there. I argued back that I know she is coming back soon. Slowly he put the pot down, but you could tell he didn't believe me. I finished handing out the pots and I wondered, was the concerned citizen going to go around and steal everyone's pots? If so, what was he going to do with them? Was he going to start his own growing operation? I mean, he does have a tye-dyed t-shirt. I sense a movement is upon us.
I returned to my desk wondering why people were so stoked about these little pots. I guess I'll never know because I have been trying to kill two plants at my desk for 3 years with only semi success. Oh well, I guess I'll just let it be an enigma. I wonder if the presence of the pots will somehow create a calmer workforce. It might be a fun experiment. Maybe some of those seeds should be changed out. We'll have a control group and placebo group. Yes, this could be fun! Now, where do I get pot? Anyone?
I feel guilty. I feel so good when I get to read your posts and sometimes I just think it means you've had a really hard day. But the way you describe the sadness and stupidity, is priceless.
ReplyDeleteA thought after the pots were passed out... Can this be another trick to thin the heard.. What happens if you don't get Red, White and Blue flowers. What if you only say have Red flowers does that mean your on the list to be gone.... Things to ponder. Now there's pressure to grow the pots. I think timing couldn't of been better.
OH man we had this conversation around my desk. I think I might know who anonymous is. I said I if I got a red flower that I would switch flowers since I got there before them!
Deleteyou are on to the master plan! Indeed, this is how they will decide who to fire. LOL
ReplyDelete