I was not prepared for Monday.
I woke up at 2AM with my throat so sore it felt like razor blades. I shuffled downstairs and gutted the contents of the bathroom cabinet. I came away the victor with some vintage Halls throat lozenges. I mean, they expired in 2009, but they were all I had. I returned to bed and worried I might fall back asleep and then choke on the cough drop. Would I wake up choking, or just die in my sleep? I laid there for a few minutes trying to suck on the cough drop like I was trying to suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. Come on, where is the soothing action? Where is the comforting sensation of menthol? A few moments later when the cough drop turned into a substance similar to chewing gum, I knew these babies were too old to be of assistance to me. Luckily, I was finally able to fall asleep.
Upon rising, I decided nothing good would come of this day. I felt like crap and wanted to return to bed. Alas, I could not, too much to do. In an amazing twist of fate, and also because I didn't care how I looked, I was ready ahead of schedule. I headed out the door and was off to work. I might be able to get a jump on this day after all. WRONG. See, positive thinking doesn't always pan out like people say. I hadn't been on the freeway long when we came to an abrupt halt. Accident. We proceeded to crawl for a few miles. Now, I was going to be late. I wasn't prepared for this either. Damn it.
I finally got to work and it seemed EVERYONE needed something. "The urinal in the mens room is leaking, who do I report that to?" That'd be me. "I need you to go take the Open House banner down." I guess everyone else's arms were broken on Friday when I was gone. "Someone needs to take down those deflated balloons." "I can't get my vacation approved, can you work on that?" "What? No chocolate?" "Do you have my gift cards?" And so it went. I'm coughing, sneezing, aching, my head is going to blow and the snot is running faster than I can eat it. Where in the frig is my box of tissues? Oh yeah, Life Coach Barbie has them in her office because she keeps making people cry. She never made me cry, but I'm about to make her cry. I was snippy and bitchy, and yet, people just kept coming around. Tomorrow I am going to have to step up the sneezing and coughing, clearly.
I was not mentally prepared for this day and I needed it over. Finally, the agony was over. I was slowly sauntering out to my truck, trying to breathe and walk at the same time and I hear this voice from the grassy area by my truck. It is some homeless guy just in a rant. For a moment, I thought it was my inner voices reliving the day, but nope, it was a man, with his pants partially down, holding his junk, chasing a squirrel. I walked a little faster to my truck. The man was really giving the squirrel what for, but I couldn't make out what he was saying for sure. I don't know if he was trying to pee on him, was trying to rape him, or if he just needed a second opinion on what that growth was on the back side of his penis. I don't think the squirrel was qualified to make that call, but who am I to judge. I guess if anyone knows what decent nuts are, it's a squirrel, but today, Squirrely wasn't interested.
I sat in my truck, doors locked, and tried to make sense of this day. There was no making sense of it. Getting a cold, ok. Getting stuck in traffic, ok. Wanting to choke the life from people at work, totally understandable. But a homeless guy, his junk and a squirrel, that is going to take some therapy. I think the only way to make sense of it is to take some Nyquil as soon as possible and pray I don't dream about gathering nuts.
Ok, that's all I have in me, I need to lay down.
I woke up at 2AM with my throat so sore it felt like razor blades. I shuffled downstairs and gutted the contents of the bathroom cabinet. I came away the victor with some vintage Halls throat lozenges. I mean, they expired in 2009, but they were all I had. I returned to bed and worried I might fall back asleep and then choke on the cough drop. Would I wake up choking, or just die in my sleep? I laid there for a few minutes trying to suck on the cough drop like I was trying to suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. Come on, where is the soothing action? Where is the comforting sensation of menthol? A few moments later when the cough drop turned into a substance similar to chewing gum, I knew these babies were too old to be of assistance to me. Luckily, I was finally able to fall asleep.
Upon rising, I decided nothing good would come of this day. I felt like crap and wanted to return to bed. Alas, I could not, too much to do. In an amazing twist of fate, and also because I didn't care how I looked, I was ready ahead of schedule. I headed out the door and was off to work. I might be able to get a jump on this day after all. WRONG. See, positive thinking doesn't always pan out like people say. I hadn't been on the freeway long when we came to an abrupt halt. Accident. We proceeded to crawl for a few miles. Now, I was going to be late. I wasn't prepared for this either. Damn it.
I finally got to work and it seemed EVERYONE needed something. "The urinal in the mens room is leaking, who do I report that to?" That'd be me. "I need you to go take the Open House banner down." I guess everyone else's arms were broken on Friday when I was gone. "Someone needs to take down those deflated balloons." "I can't get my vacation approved, can you work on that?" "What? No chocolate?" "Do you have my gift cards?" And so it went. I'm coughing, sneezing, aching, my head is going to blow and the snot is running faster than I can eat it. Where in the frig is my box of tissues? Oh yeah, Life Coach Barbie has them in her office because she keeps making people cry. She never made me cry, but I'm about to make her cry. I was snippy and bitchy, and yet, people just kept coming around. Tomorrow I am going to have to step up the sneezing and coughing, clearly.
I was not mentally prepared for this day and I needed it over. Finally, the agony was over. I was slowly sauntering out to my truck, trying to breathe and walk at the same time and I hear this voice from the grassy area by my truck. It is some homeless guy just in a rant. For a moment, I thought it was my inner voices reliving the day, but nope, it was a man, with his pants partially down, holding his junk, chasing a squirrel. I walked a little faster to my truck. The man was really giving the squirrel what for, but I couldn't make out what he was saying for sure. I don't know if he was trying to pee on him, was trying to rape him, or if he just needed a second opinion on what that growth was on the back side of his penis. I don't think the squirrel was qualified to make that call, but who am I to judge. I guess if anyone knows what decent nuts are, it's a squirrel, but today, Squirrely wasn't interested.
I sat in my truck, doors locked, and tried to make sense of this day. There was no making sense of it. Getting a cold, ok. Getting stuck in traffic, ok. Wanting to choke the life from people at work, totally understandable. But a homeless guy, his junk and a squirrel, that is going to take some therapy. I think the only way to make sense of it is to take some Nyquil as soon as possible and pray I don't dream about gathering nuts.
Ok, that's all I have in me, I need to lay down.
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