This has been a tough week. Had some pretty bad blows on a personal level, some unwelcome fighting with someone that I love, but that says I don't (not Will, btw) and a general overall feeling of hopelessness. It's been exhausting. No details because, who cares? No one but me.
I woke up this morning with a headache, sick to my stomach and feeling very sad. I wanted to go back to bed, wanted to take a vacation day, wanted to crawl in a hole and die. However, I put on my big girl panties and went to work. Upon arriving, I informed my boss I wasn't in a good place and that I didn't want to come in today. He offered his ear if I wanted to talk. I declined. No one needs their admin in their office blubbering for an hour, besides, my makeup was still fresh. The boss comes out like an hour later, "are you better?" I looked at him and said incredulously, "better than what?!" Do you think an hour at the glass palace heals all wounds? The glass palace is usually where the wounds start. He was hopeful. I told him, "no, they are not better." Off he went. Smart man. I continue working when Cupcake Lady comes over. She wants to give me a hug. She says, "I would really like to give you a hug." I didn't want a hug. I said, "No. I don't want a hug. Do not give me one. No." It isn't personal, I just didn't want to be hugged. She looked a little sad, but she'll get over it. Life is full of disappointments.
My meloncholy glow was really reeling them in. Stilletto Barbie comes over and takes a piece of candy out of the dish at my desk telling me how she is trying to avoid going out and smoking so she is just going to take candy. I stopped, considered her for a moment and said, "Why bother? Why don't you go out and smoke until you die? It isn't like it matters...none of us are going to make it out alive. Why not do what makes you happy?" She looked at me for a moment. I don't know if she was a little scared, or offended. She took her candy and left. I shouted after her, "If you need anymore positive, uplifting advice, I'll be here all day!" She kept walking.
I kept working. Feeling so utterly sad. Last night I had actually looked at mental institutions online to pick mine out. One of them said that the doctors probably would not drug you and have sex with you. Additionally, the food wasn't bad, the scrubs were comfy and that suicidal people aren't as depressing as you'd think. I thought about it again as I worked. It sounds like a nice vacation, doesn't it? Sure, some people go to Hawaii or someplace exotic, but I don't know what could be more relaxing than being drugged out and laying around in pj's all day. I would consider this more later.
I again returned my thoughts to work. I had to call a customer service department for this online ordering site that was down. I just needed toner for our copiers, you'd think that was simple. It wasn't. I called and talked to a snotty little bitch named Stephanie. Suffice to say, after being talked down to, put on long holds and then snipped at, I hung up on her. I then channeled Meloncholy Baby's pissy side and wrote her boss a nice email about what a bitch she was. It was three paragraphs of focused and professional rage about their company and that bitch named Stephanie. I think this might have been the turning point for my day.
In other news, the work group that is closest to me was having a congratulatory party for one of their teammates that is getting ready to have a baby. Rather, his wife is. There was cake there. I had been avoiding the cake all day...well, more like waiting for them to cut it. The frosting looked divine. I finally decided I would saunter over and have a piece. It was gone. The whole group was gone and they took the cake with them. Those selfish cake hoarders! I needed to take a walk. Just walk it off. I did my rounds. People wanted me to stop and be chatty and be funny. I didn't want to be. I was mad. I ran across one guy that was asking me about the sale of our building. He had it all wrong. I was immediately irritated because I have sent emails explaining this. Doesn't anyone ever read my emails? I looked at him and took my two fingers and pointed them at my eyes, then at his eyes and said, "Are you listening to me? I'm going to explain this to you one more time..." I gave Zippy the 411 on the situation. He backed away quietly and said, "okay." I think he gets it now. Then, I walked over by a couple of the managers and accused them of calling each other in the morning to pick out their clothes and told them to stop slacking and get back to work. They tried to stall the work process by telling me how they went to see Ambular in the hospital. She just had a baby. Seems like everyone is having a baby. Everyone except me. I'm still just gestating that food baby. Anyway, it somehow got me on the topic of this other girl we have named McBarbie. She eats McDonalds all the time and is a little petite thing and she has had two kids. She probably crapped her first kid out at 10AM and then was home by 2PM and back in her high school jeans and getting pregnant with her second one a day later. I hate her guts and have told her so. She actually had the audacity to have one of her friends come to the hiring open house. This friend looks just like McBarbie, little, cute, petite...ack, I hate her. I saw her as she signed in at the open house and said, "you are McBarbie's friend, aren't you?" She smiled and said yes. I knew it. I just looked at her and shook my head. I'm surrounded. This is bullshit. They are creating a McBarbie army in my workplace and I am powerless to stop them. It's a hostile work environment if you ask me, which no one will, by the way.
I get back to my desk and there is an email from my friend. There is someone that is trying to find a home for an eleven week old wiener dog puppy. Oh....crap. What makes people happy? Puppies do. What do I want to be? Happy. It looks like puppies = happiness. I want a puppy. I want to hug it and squeeze it and call it my own. Wait, I have a dog. I have my good dog Spanky. Well, but Spanky doesn't have a dog...I bet he would like his own dog. I write back to her and ask for pictures. WHAT?! I need my head examined. I have THREE wiener dogs already!!! But, puppies = happiness. You can't argue with that. The universe has spoken. We'll see what happens. I called Mom to hear the voice of reason. She instantly told me there was nothing wrong with getting another dog. I said to her, "What was I thinking calling YOU as the voice of reason? You have, like, 20 horses and 5 dogs!" Clearly, I'm a mess.
I sat there and thought about how stupid I was for even considering the puppy. I mean, my walk around the center had proved that the angry pony inside me was fighting the depression, I was making a comeback. Angry Pony doesn't want to wear a straight jacket. Angry Pony doesn't want to feel hopeless. Angry Pony wants to be pissed off, take names and call people out on being stupid. Angry Pony would also like a cheeseburger, but as Angry Pony has come to learn, you don't always get what you want. Angry Pony does like puppies, too, though.
Like I needed one more thing to stress about this week. Maybe someone else will take the puppy and it won't even be an issue.
I'm going to name him Snoopy and buy him a sweater. Shit.
I woke up this morning with a headache, sick to my stomach and feeling very sad. I wanted to go back to bed, wanted to take a vacation day, wanted to crawl in a hole and die. However, I put on my big girl panties and went to work. Upon arriving, I informed my boss I wasn't in a good place and that I didn't want to come in today. He offered his ear if I wanted to talk. I declined. No one needs their admin in their office blubbering for an hour, besides, my makeup was still fresh. The boss comes out like an hour later, "are you better?" I looked at him and said incredulously, "better than what?!" Do you think an hour at the glass palace heals all wounds? The glass palace is usually where the wounds start. He was hopeful. I told him, "no, they are not better." Off he went. Smart man. I continue working when Cupcake Lady comes over. She wants to give me a hug. She says, "I would really like to give you a hug." I didn't want a hug. I said, "No. I don't want a hug. Do not give me one. No." It isn't personal, I just didn't want to be hugged. She looked a little sad, but she'll get over it. Life is full of disappointments.
My meloncholy glow was really reeling them in. Stilletto Barbie comes over and takes a piece of candy out of the dish at my desk telling me how she is trying to avoid going out and smoking so she is just going to take candy. I stopped, considered her for a moment and said, "Why bother? Why don't you go out and smoke until you die? It isn't like it matters...none of us are going to make it out alive. Why not do what makes you happy?" She looked at me for a moment. I don't know if she was a little scared, or offended. She took her candy and left. I shouted after her, "If you need anymore positive, uplifting advice, I'll be here all day!" She kept walking.
I kept working. Feeling so utterly sad. Last night I had actually looked at mental institutions online to pick mine out. One of them said that the doctors probably would not drug you and have sex with you. Additionally, the food wasn't bad, the scrubs were comfy and that suicidal people aren't as depressing as you'd think. I thought about it again as I worked. It sounds like a nice vacation, doesn't it? Sure, some people go to Hawaii or someplace exotic, but I don't know what could be more relaxing than being drugged out and laying around in pj's all day. I would consider this more later.
I again returned my thoughts to work. I had to call a customer service department for this online ordering site that was down. I just needed toner for our copiers, you'd think that was simple. It wasn't. I called and talked to a snotty little bitch named Stephanie. Suffice to say, after being talked down to, put on long holds and then snipped at, I hung up on her. I then channeled Meloncholy Baby's pissy side and wrote her boss a nice email about what a bitch she was. It was three paragraphs of focused and professional rage about their company and that bitch named Stephanie. I think this might have been the turning point for my day.
In other news, the work group that is closest to me was having a congratulatory party for one of their teammates that is getting ready to have a baby. Rather, his wife is. There was cake there. I had been avoiding the cake all day...well, more like waiting for them to cut it. The frosting looked divine. I finally decided I would saunter over and have a piece. It was gone. The whole group was gone and they took the cake with them. Those selfish cake hoarders! I needed to take a walk. Just walk it off. I did my rounds. People wanted me to stop and be chatty and be funny. I didn't want to be. I was mad. I ran across one guy that was asking me about the sale of our building. He had it all wrong. I was immediately irritated because I have sent emails explaining this. Doesn't anyone ever read my emails? I looked at him and took my two fingers and pointed them at my eyes, then at his eyes and said, "Are you listening to me? I'm going to explain this to you one more time..." I gave Zippy the 411 on the situation. He backed away quietly and said, "okay." I think he gets it now. Then, I walked over by a couple of the managers and accused them of calling each other in the morning to pick out their clothes and told them to stop slacking and get back to work. They tried to stall the work process by telling me how they went to see Ambular in the hospital. She just had a baby. Seems like everyone is having a baby. Everyone except me. I'm still just gestating that food baby. Anyway, it somehow got me on the topic of this other girl we have named McBarbie. She eats McDonalds all the time and is a little petite thing and she has had two kids. She probably crapped her first kid out at 10AM and then was home by 2PM and back in her high school jeans and getting pregnant with her second one a day later. I hate her guts and have told her so. She actually had the audacity to have one of her friends come to the hiring open house. This friend looks just like McBarbie, little, cute, petite...ack, I hate her. I saw her as she signed in at the open house and said, "you are McBarbie's friend, aren't you?" She smiled and said yes. I knew it. I just looked at her and shook my head. I'm surrounded. This is bullshit. They are creating a McBarbie army in my workplace and I am powerless to stop them. It's a hostile work environment if you ask me, which no one will, by the way.
I get back to my desk and there is an email from my friend. There is someone that is trying to find a home for an eleven week old wiener dog puppy. Oh....crap. What makes people happy? Puppies do. What do I want to be? Happy. It looks like puppies = happiness. I want a puppy. I want to hug it and squeeze it and call it my own. Wait, I have a dog. I have my good dog Spanky. Well, but Spanky doesn't have a dog...I bet he would like his own dog. I write back to her and ask for pictures. WHAT?! I need my head examined. I have THREE wiener dogs already!!! But, puppies = happiness. You can't argue with that. The universe has spoken. We'll see what happens. I called Mom to hear the voice of reason. She instantly told me there was nothing wrong with getting another dog. I said to her, "What was I thinking calling YOU as the voice of reason? You have, like, 20 horses and 5 dogs!" Clearly, I'm a mess.
I sat there and thought about how stupid I was for even considering the puppy. I mean, my walk around the center had proved that the angry pony inside me was fighting the depression, I was making a comeback. Angry Pony doesn't want to wear a straight jacket. Angry Pony doesn't want to feel hopeless. Angry Pony wants to be pissed off, take names and call people out on being stupid. Angry Pony would also like a cheeseburger, but as Angry Pony has come to learn, you don't always get what you want. Angry Pony does like puppies, too, though.
Like I needed one more thing to stress about this week. Maybe someone else will take the puppy and it won't even be an issue.
I'm going to name him Snoopy and buy him a sweater. Shit.
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