Yesterday was a pretty crappy day. So crappy, I could not blog. If I had blogged, I would have been fired for sure. At one point, I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror and realized my face was bright red all the way down to my chest. I guess I was super pissed. A couple people had come to my desk cautiously and asked me if I was ok and I guess now I knew why. Suffice it to say, a bottom-feeder was trying to out rank me and boss me around. I don't know who she thinks she is, but I call her Clone Barbie and she is not going to mess with me. As a result, today was to be rise of the admin. Today things were going back into balance.
Anyway, that is all I can and will say about Clone Barbie. It's for the best. I would like to talk about some other random stuff that happened yesterday and today. First of all, to those of you that follow me on Facebook, you know about the bathroom incident yesterday. I went to go into one of the bathroom stalls and found a pair of panties hanging off the toilet. What the hell happened in there? What possessed this person to abandon her undergarments? Someone suggested hanky panky was going on, but I have to believe, for my own sake, that no one would ever have sex in that bathroom. A dog in heat would even say, "no way, not in here!" Even the rats do it in the basement. Anyway, I don't know why they were abandoned, but maybe it was the same person that crapped on the floor the day before. In any case, I just want to say to the people of the glass palace, if you want to go commando, please either put your undies in your purse or throw them away.
I can never say enough about the bathroom, but it really does draw a crowd. Today someone was sitting on the floor right outside the bathroom door next to a garbage can eating lunch. Now, I don't want to judge, but we do have a cafeteria and a couple of break rooms. I guess I just don't get the appeal. I just like to pee in there, never thought about eating lunch anywhere near it.
The exciting news of the day is that I had another candidate come in to take the typing test today. I just can't get enough of the typing tests. I take this person into the small conference room for the test. There is a table with one computer and a chair. Someone had moved the chair so it was kind of off to the side of the table in the corner. I told the candidate to go ahead and have a seat. The person looks at me and says, "over there?" I didn't respond at first because I wanted to say, "where else are you going to sit, genius?" But I didn't. I was my usual cordial self. The first practice test was done, the score was zero. I looked a second time. How does anyone get zero? I told this person they were going to have to step up their game. Somehow they managed to eek out a passing score. And then, as if I hadn't been tested enough already, this person wanted to shake my hand. Eww. Germs from the outer sanctum. I rushed to my anti-bacterial.
Upon arriving back to my desk, my good pal Val was there with Fun Size Barbie. As it turns out, she was reliving a difficult part of her past. I mean, at one point, at her fattest, she weighed 106 pounds. She says she doesn't talk about it anymore as it is too painful. Thank goodness she has come back down to a more realistic 103 pounds. I just looked at her. What do you say to that? I didn't want to be unsympathetic, so I said in the sincerest tone I could muster, "That must have been horrible for you." And then, I was crude, but this tortured skinny girl thing was old. I said, "I can probably crap and lose three pounds." I'm not proud of my locker room talk, but I couldn't take it anymore. I just stared at her little body. How horrifying for her to be 3 pounds over weight. What a heifer.
I was so disgusted with the day. I knew what I needed was some inspiration. One of my co-workers informed me there was an employee roaming the building in a unicorn poop T-shirt. I knew at that moment what I needed was my own unicorn poop T-shirt. And so, I selected one with care on-line and ordered it. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. I'm still going to pee and poo in the toilet like a big girl though, and I refuse to abandon my panties in a public restroom. I can only take crazy so far. I do have standards.
Anyway, that is all I can and will say about Clone Barbie. It's for the best. I would like to talk about some other random stuff that happened yesterday and today. First of all, to those of you that follow me on Facebook, you know about the bathroom incident yesterday. I went to go into one of the bathroom stalls and found a pair of panties hanging off the toilet. What the hell happened in there? What possessed this person to abandon her undergarments? Someone suggested hanky panky was going on, but I have to believe, for my own sake, that no one would ever have sex in that bathroom. A dog in heat would even say, "no way, not in here!" Even the rats do it in the basement. Anyway, I don't know why they were abandoned, but maybe it was the same person that crapped on the floor the day before. In any case, I just want to say to the people of the glass palace, if you want to go commando, please either put your undies in your purse or throw them away.
I can never say enough about the bathroom, but it really does draw a crowd. Today someone was sitting on the floor right outside the bathroom door next to a garbage can eating lunch. Now, I don't want to judge, but we do have a cafeteria and a couple of break rooms. I guess I just don't get the appeal. I just like to pee in there, never thought about eating lunch anywhere near it.
The exciting news of the day is that I had another candidate come in to take the typing test today. I just can't get enough of the typing tests. I take this person into the small conference room for the test. There is a table with one computer and a chair. Someone had moved the chair so it was kind of off to the side of the table in the corner. I told the candidate to go ahead and have a seat. The person looks at me and says, "over there?" I didn't respond at first because I wanted to say, "where else are you going to sit, genius?" But I didn't. I was my usual cordial self. The first practice test was done, the score was zero. I looked a second time. How does anyone get zero? I told this person they were going to have to step up their game. Somehow they managed to eek out a passing score. And then, as if I hadn't been tested enough already, this person wanted to shake my hand. Eww. Germs from the outer sanctum. I rushed to my anti-bacterial.
Upon arriving back to my desk, my good pal Val was there with Fun Size Barbie. As it turns out, she was reliving a difficult part of her past. I mean, at one point, at her fattest, she weighed 106 pounds. She says she doesn't talk about it anymore as it is too painful. Thank goodness she has come back down to a more realistic 103 pounds. I just looked at her. What do you say to that? I didn't want to be unsympathetic, so I said in the sincerest tone I could muster, "That must have been horrible for you." And then, I was crude, but this tortured skinny girl thing was old. I said, "I can probably crap and lose three pounds." I'm not proud of my locker room talk, but I couldn't take it anymore. I just stared at her little body. How horrifying for her to be 3 pounds over weight. What a heifer.
I was so disgusted with the day. I knew what I needed was some inspiration. One of my co-workers informed me there was an employee roaming the building in a unicorn poop T-shirt. I knew at that moment what I needed was my own unicorn poop T-shirt. And so, I selected one with care on-line and ordered it. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. I'm still going to pee and poo in the toilet like a big girl though, and I refuse to abandon my panties in a public restroom. I can only take crazy so far. I do have standards.
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