Pony Minions - I haz them

Work life has been fairly stressful the last couple of days. It never ceases to amaze me how decisions are made and how I am supposed to put a smile on my face about it, not question it, not respond and go on as if I enjoy having a smelly load of crap dumped on my desk.  I mean, even when big trucks deliver a load of crap, they make that "beep, beep, beep" noise as they back-up.  Can't I even get a "beep, beep, beep" first?  And then as I sit there at my desk, diligently working, someone says to me, "smile, it's not the end of the world."  To which I respond, "ok, when I don't get stuff done, I'll just say, "it's not the end of the world."  To which that person said, "yeah, it won't be the end of the world when you get fired either."  And people wonder why I'm crabby at work.  First of all, if you see me sitting at my computer, which is the keeper of all the work and requests and stupidity and I'm smiling, stop and call the paramedics right away.  If I am actually smiling at my PC, check for a Jib Jab, if you don't see one, run, hide, save yourself.

I was so angry all day today, I couldn't let it go.  Blame it on PMS or the unheard plea's for justice, I don't care.  I told at least one person to drop dead, I told a group of people to "get over it if they didn't like it" and then let's not talk about my fantasies involving on woman in a car driving off the Grand Canyon. So, let's pretend I just did a serious blog about how I can't believe the crap that goes on at the glass palace.  Let's say it was witty, it was insightful, it was a regular tell-all and that I outed everyone for being stupid, being an asshole or simply breathing.  Let's say I just did that and that I got it all off my chest.  Let's say I just did that and that I didn't get fired as  result.  Best Blog Ever.  Sadly, I seriously doubt certain people would enjoy this riveting tell-all play-by-play of my day.  And, I do need to keep my job.

Instead of that tactic, I have come up with a plan to save my sanity.  I was sitting at my desk today and I could hear my bosses' words from the day before playing back in my head, "we'll figure this out (and when he says "we" he does mean me)."  It was then I looked around my desk and realized, I had the solution.  I have all the resources I need.  Meet my Pony Minions.

Pony Minions - I haz them

 That's right, the yellow one with the pink mane, aka Cotton Candy, will take care of all pizza orders. The orange one with the yellow mane, aka Sunshine, is in charge of administering typing tests and scheduling interviews.  The hot pink one with the light pink mane, aka Bubble Gum, will do all sales incentive tracking for contests and gift cards.  The purple one, aka Sugar Plum, will take care of answering questions I've answered 300 times before and responding to stupid emails.  The pink one, aka Princess of Pain, will handle new hire orientation and badge requests.

More Minions

Here we have additional staffing to handle the morning meeting, answering the phones, and expense reports.  Their names are Dumpling, Nugget and Giveashit. 

Please take note of the picture frame with the sun in the middle.  This was a present from the best intern ever.  I'll call her, Pocketful of Sunshine.  I hope I can get her back this summer so that my ponies can take a break.  They are going to look like they were rode hard and put away wet daily.

Anyway, there is a bunch of other stuff that needs to be done, so I guess I'll do that.  It's clear to me I am going to need more minions.  As soon as I can get them all system access and teach them how to type, I should be in pretty good shape.  So, if you walk past my desk and see me talking to what appears to be no one, rest assured I'm just consulting with my minions.  No cause for alarm, what-so-ever.

I did get my new work uniform today.  It arrived in the mail and I could not be happier.

That's right, I'm changing my title to Pooper Scooper.  I can't think of anything more perfect for what I do each day.  I'll just wander around the office chanting "Unicorn Poop...I'm coming to pick up your Unicorn Poop...."