I'm in my last week of captivity. Next Monday I return to my dream job and my working peeps. The Glass Palace awaits. I'm admittedly kind of glad as I am starting to feel good enough to be restless. I want to get back to the grind of a "normal" life. I'm starting to feel unemployed, which is scary. I have a sneaking suspicion that when I go to work on Monday, I will regret saying I'm glad to be back. The newness should wear off in about 15 minutes. Nah, I'll give it an hour.
My biggest challenge, as I see it, will be saying goodbye to my yoga pants and unharnessed boobs. It's been an amazing run of freedom and I shall miss that. The hippies were on to something and I have a new respect for them. I think we should all be free....peace, man. I wore a bra yesterday and the day before and it was really starting to pinch me by end of day. Is being perky and upright really that important? I mean, I guess it is. I do kind of look like I have moobs (aka man boobs) if I don't wear one. Sigh. And, let's talk about the yoga pants. They are amazing! They are like a best friend that gently gives your ass and tummy support without cutting into your waist. I mean, I'm not saying I have any friends that do that, so no frame of reference there, but I do believe yoga pants are my friend. No yoga is even required, they are just there for you. Waiting for you to want to do yoga one day. Secretly they know that you will never want to do yoga when you are that relaxed, but if you do, they are going to have enough stretch to allow you to get yourself into a downward dog peeing on a hydrant formation and breathe deep. That is the kind of support I have been looking for all these years and now I have to leave them home when I need them most - sitting on my ass at work all day. I can only assume Monday will be just as traumatizing as a woman leaving her six week old child at daycare for the first time and going to work. Yep, just like that.
Another thing I'm going to miss is getting out of bed at 8AM. It just so happens that 8AM is the start of my shift at the Glass Palace. I'm going to have to start getting up early to feed the ponies, go through my new morning routine of vitamins and protein shakes and getting my ass out of the house by no later than 7:15AM. I'm going to have to get up at, like, 5AM. Seriously, it takes a bit of time to get this party started in the morning. I have only done my hair a handful of times in the last almost two months I've been off of work. And make-up, must do make-up. And then there is the mental pep-talk, "I don't want to do this today." "Get your ass moving, Bitch, someone has to pay the bills." "But I don't feel like it." "Look, you've got shit to do and if you don't do it, who is going to? No one, that's who, now hand me that mascara." "Maybe I'll take a vacation day." "Don't waste your vacation time now, stupid." "Fine. I'll go, but I'm not going to enjoy it, at all."
What I am not looking forward to is the daily wardrobe crisis. I mean, I haven't worn an FCD (Fat Controlling Device) in almost 3 months. It's been liberating. No Pranx, no special underwear that double as a deep sea adventure up my butt crack or hoo-hoo. No traveling tights (in an unrelated topic, why is there only one "L" in "traveling?" I always want to put two, but auto-correct says that's wrong. It's been a lifelong curiosity for me, really). Anyway, as I said earlier, I've been living free and my body likes it. However, now that I have two belly buttons and things are starting to sag a little, I think it is time to reign it back in. Hey, Body, we'll always have this time to remember, November 2012 - February 3, 2013. Let's not ever forget.
And, finally, daytime dog snuggling will be over. No pink pony comforter, no Spanky on my lap and Chip and Lilly at my side. No more narcotics that make me go on unicorn rides and definitely no more napping. I know, I know, it sounds so glamorous, but if you also consider being on an IV for food, not eating or drinking, being poked (and not in a good way), getting infections, having drain tubes, a short-bus backpack and then crapping your pants, I think you might agree that going to work everyday isn't so bad. Being a working schmuck like everyone else should, in theory, feel good. I'll get back to you on that next week.
My biggest challenge, as I see it, will be saying goodbye to my yoga pants and unharnessed boobs. It's been an amazing run of freedom and I shall miss that. The hippies were on to something and I have a new respect for them. I think we should all be free....peace, man. I wore a bra yesterday and the day before and it was really starting to pinch me by end of day. Is being perky and upright really that important? I mean, I guess it is. I do kind of look like I have moobs (aka man boobs) if I don't wear one. Sigh. And, let's talk about the yoga pants. They are amazing! They are like a best friend that gently gives your ass and tummy support without cutting into your waist. I mean, I'm not saying I have any friends that do that, so no frame of reference there, but I do believe yoga pants are my friend. No yoga is even required, they are just there for you. Waiting for you to want to do yoga one day. Secretly they know that you will never want to do yoga when you are that relaxed, but if you do, they are going to have enough stretch to allow you to get yourself into a downward dog peeing on a hydrant formation and breathe deep. That is the kind of support I have been looking for all these years and now I have to leave them home when I need them most - sitting on my ass at work all day. I can only assume Monday will be just as traumatizing as a woman leaving her six week old child at daycare for the first time and going to work. Yep, just like that.
Another thing I'm going to miss is getting out of bed at 8AM. It just so happens that 8AM is the start of my shift at the Glass Palace. I'm going to have to start getting up early to feed the ponies, go through my new morning routine of vitamins and protein shakes and getting my ass out of the house by no later than 7:15AM. I'm going to have to get up at, like, 5AM. Seriously, it takes a bit of time to get this party started in the morning. I have only done my hair a handful of times in the last almost two months I've been off of work. And make-up, must do make-up. And then there is the mental pep-talk, "I don't want to do this today." "Get your ass moving, Bitch, someone has to pay the bills." "But I don't feel like it." "Look, you've got shit to do and if you don't do it, who is going to? No one, that's who, now hand me that mascara." "Maybe I'll take a vacation day." "Don't waste your vacation time now, stupid." "Fine. I'll go, but I'm not going to enjoy it, at all."
What I am not looking forward to is the daily wardrobe crisis. I mean, I haven't worn an FCD (Fat Controlling Device) in almost 3 months. It's been liberating. No Pranx, no special underwear that double as a deep sea adventure up my butt crack or hoo-hoo. No traveling tights (in an unrelated topic, why is there only one "L" in "traveling?" I always want to put two, but auto-correct says that's wrong. It's been a lifelong curiosity for me, really). Anyway, as I said earlier, I've been living free and my body likes it. However, now that I have two belly buttons and things are starting to sag a little, I think it is time to reign it back in. Hey, Body, we'll always have this time to remember, November 2012 - February 3, 2013. Let's not ever forget.
And, finally, daytime dog snuggling will be over. No pink pony comforter, no Spanky on my lap and Chip and Lilly at my side. No more narcotics that make me go on unicorn rides and definitely no more napping. I know, I know, it sounds so glamorous, but if you also consider being on an IV for food, not eating or drinking, being poked (and not in a good way), getting infections, having drain tubes, a short-bus backpack and then crapping your pants, I think you might agree that going to work everyday isn't so bad. Being a working schmuck like everyone else should, in theory, feel good. I'll get back to you on that next week.
In answer to the two "LL" question see
ReplyDeletehttp://forum.wordreference.com/showthread.php?t=10813
Thank you for clearing this up. LOL
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