A Small Percentage...

Had another check up with the doctor today.  It was an uneventful appointment, for the most part.  The doctor went over how I was feeling, my progress and really, how far I had come, considering the gut explosions after the first surgery, the leak situation after the second surgery and then all the stuff that followed that.  You know, the things that happen to a small percentage of people.  And, as luck would have it, his medical assistant had shared my blog with him and the other doctors about the break-up of Ben & Jerry, so he was up to speed on my activities over the last week.  It seems there is a certain percentage of people that have these reactions to foods high in sugars and fats.  Guess who is part of that percentage...yep, me. 

The doctor went on to tell me about what my focus should be and what kind of hurdles I may encounter.  He said, "Now, you are ready for the hair loss?  You've heard about that?"  I told him yes, I had heard of that happening and said, "Don't tell me, I'm probably going to be part of the percentage that loses their hair..."  We shared a laugh about that percentage I seem to be part of.  What else can you do but laugh? Seriously.  I'm not super thrilled about being a bald fat girl, or a bald kind of fat girl with loose skin.  It's a good thing I have already captured my mate and locked him into a contract, because this might get ugly.  And, when I say ugly, I'm not talking figuratively.  This is what I picture: mostly bald with a few stray strands that I do a Donald Trump comb-over with, saggy arms, legs and belly, a rooster waddle on my throat, four belly buttons from surgery scars and sunken eyes.  Can you say GLAMOROUS?!  I said to the doctor, "So, I will probably lose my hair on my head, but there is probably no chance my leg hair will cease to grow, is there?"  He agreed, I'm screwed.  I practically had to fire up Will's chainsaw to shave my legs today after not shaving them for a month.  Will said it was like I was a Wookie.  Anyway, the doctor also said I looked young for 41 years old.  I told him, "Yeah, because I am fat and my skin is all stretched out, and when I start to loose weight, it will get all wrinkly and I will look old."  It is noteworthy to point out that he didn't say, "oh that's not true."  He agreed with me and said, "I have had patients that have experienced that."  Well, three cheers for his honesty.

So, as luck would have it, I continue to be part of percentages that you usually hope other people are a part of.  My question is, why can't I be part of the percentage of people that are naturally thin?  The people that win the lottery?  The people that are good at science and math and get good jobs?  The people that live happily ever after? The people that don't have acne as adults? The people that don't have to wear glasses?  The people that look good in spandex?  I can think of hundreds of "small percentage" groups that I would like to be part of.  I guess I'm just lucky that the intestinal/digestive/overall health lottery was mine to win.  Don't get me wrong, I acknowledge there are worse percentage groups to be part of.  And, I should take a moment to pause and be thankful for groups I am not part of.  I am not part of The People of Walmart (not yet anyway, but if the hair thing happens, I'm just letting this whole body go to shit, and I'm going to Walmart to celebrate it...while wearing a thong and too small yoga pants), I am not homeless,  I am not stricken with a deadly disease (that I know of yet), I'm not lactose intolerant, and I'm not part of the percentage of people that get their trailers/homes relocated by tornados on a regular basis and end up on You Tube talking about it.

See ,there I go being positive again.  This is part of the small percentage of times I'm positive.  Look at me breaking down boundaries.

So, for those of you looking for me to crop up somewhere looking all skinny, beware, I could be part of a small percentage of people that don't react to weight loss surgery with actual weight loss.  You know, just other side effects like, leaking guts, pants shitting, baking bread in your easy bake oven, mouth sweaters, IV feedings, becoming a yeast farmer (are those track marks from doing drugs?  Nope that's where I planted more yeast!), losing hair, vomiting ice cream, you know, the basics.  Don't get me wrong, I'm hoping to be part of the percentage that kicks the crap out of obesity and rocks a normal size pair of jeans, but as we discussed before, hope is not a strategy.  I wonder what the percentage is for the number of people achieving their goals by having hope...? I don't know, but I'm not part of the percentage of people that will take the time to research that.