So, today is day two back to work. I thought yesterday went well, with the exception of being tired. I woke up today with a bit of a headache and feeling that old familiar dread going to work. I didn't think it was going to happen this fast. I thought I would have another week or so before feeling like this.
I got to work and there was a bunch of stuff waiting for me. More prepping and planning for the big VIP visit this week. I immediately became frustrated because my corporate credit card is still in a suspended status. They always suspend them when you go out on disability so that you are not home buying lots of juicers, rings and sham-wow's on the home shopping network, I guess. So, from the get-go, I'm frustrated that I can't do what I need to do. Then Curly Sue comes up and informs me there is a dead body in the back parking lot. That is awesome, at least someone is having a good day. Everyone is instantly making jokes about how I've only been back one day and I've already killed someone. Not true, I have been completely cordial. I came back with the attitude that I was glad to be back and that I was going to be nicer and less stressed. I had definitely not killed anyone. Our new SVP even came up and gave me a hug this morning. And, I'm not huggy, as we all know, so I must not have been putting off the "drop dead" vibe.
As the day was progressing, things started to irritate me. First of all, my bra. The damn thing kept riding up and peeking out on the left side. It's a pink bra so it was kind of obvious. I asked Valerie to keep an eye on it and if she saw it peeking out to use the code word, "magenta" and I would know to inconspicuously get it under control. It's good to have a wardrobe code word, if you think about it. I mean, who wants to hear, "hey, your boob is popping out" when you are in a crowd? This bra thing is not exactly a catastrophe, I can handle this.
Then it was time for our daily morning meeting where we review yesterday's numbers and talk about whatever is going on. One of the guys, which I shall hence forth call P-Daddy, has this weird long Fu Man Chu chin hair thing going on. I don't really like facial hair and for some reason today I was not able to shut my inside voice up. I said, "Why don't you shave that off, it looks bad. It looks like rogue guy armpit hair." Well, that was mean. What is wrong with me? That was uncalled for. I started to feel bad, but then that passed.
The day progressed and I hit that magical space in time where I uttered the words, "Are you effing kidding me?" It was exactly 14 hours of time spent at work before I felt like I had never been gone. Like my rage spot had been activated. Something clicked inside of me. From that moment on I felt the despair, the hopelessness, the ridiculousness of the Glass Palace. It was like finding out Darth Vader was my father. Totally ruined my buzz.
The chaos surrounding the preparation for the VIP visit was increasing and the energy was tense. Instead of checking things off my list, my list kept getting longer and longer. Then my boss sends me a message asking for name tags and tent cards for one of the meetings with the queen VIP. So, I go in search of tent cards. I went into a back room we have that we use to store valuables and decorations. This is also where my ponies and personal belongings are being held hostage until after the VIPs leave. I open the door and it was a little like a child had cleaned a messy room and thrown everything into a closet. They cleaned the entire Glass Palace and all of the shit is just crammed in there. It took my breath away. I couldn't even bring myself to seriously pursue aforementioned tent cards. My God. This was wrong. I did catch a glimpse of my ponies. I petted them and poked their heads out of the box and apologized. NO pony deserved this. Anyway, I considered the mission a failure and concluded that we didn't have any tent cards. Since my corporate card wasn't working, I couldn't go buy any, but you know what? No problem. You know why? Cuz I got skill. I've got card stock paper and I've got labels that I can create name tags with. The boss said he didn't care if I could get it done, that'd be great. I mean, these people have badges that they are required to wear, but if he wants name stickers and tent cards, I'll do it. It's past time for me to leave for the day and I finally finish them. I show the boss and he is like, "Okay, so these tent cards won't work. Can't we print them with their names and titles? And these name tags, can we put the first and last names, and their titles and then maybe...." I stopped him and said snottily, "Perhaps I can put a bio on each person's name sticker and maybe even a picture...?" The boss thinks it's funny to poke the bear, so he suggests that yes, I should do that. I stood there and with all of my being I held in what I wanted say. I wanted to give him what for. I simply looked at him and said, "Well, I guess you know I am feeling well enough to be at work when I can feel this way and contain it." I went back out to my desk and started over. I wanted to give everyone "special" names and titles, but thought better of it. I don't think titles like "Executive Pain in My Ass," "Lazy Dirtbag," and "Big Whiny Baby" would fly, so I used official titles. While doing so, I thought about where a second body might crop up...and where a good place to put one would be. I think right under the balloon arch would be perfect.
My boss makes another appearance and asks me if Stilletto Barbie knows that she is running the slide show tomorrow for the Queen VIP. I said I thought Admin Queen had told her. My boss decides the best way to handle this is to text Stilletto Barbie and give her the news. She calls me within moments in a panic. Apparently, she had not been told. Why did I come back to work this week? Why? Stilletto Barbie and I discussed taking a lot of Xanax tomorrow to get through the day. I don't think that is a good idea for me, because as whacked as my system is, I'm sure it would go right to my head and then next thing you know, I'm the crazy employee standing up in the middle of the all employee meeting asking her what her stance is on tent cards and if she liked her effing name tag. No, no Xanax for me.
Anyway, finally got out of there. I passed by one of the other managers and told her briefly about my day. I told her I felt bad for letting my attitude get out of check as I was wanting to be better than that. She advised me that no one wants me or expects me to be nice and submissive and that we expect this type of behavior. She said people would worry about me if I was any different. Well, she sold me on that theory. I guess I'll embrace it. Everyone is now effectively on notice - The bitch is back in town and she is ready to resume business as usual.
Here is to the VIP visit being over tomorrow. I sure hope my tent cards pass the test. Especially since I'm not doing them again. I mean it. I'm not. This bitch has freaking perfected them as far as I can tell.
I got to work and there was a bunch of stuff waiting for me. More prepping and planning for the big VIP visit this week. I immediately became frustrated because my corporate credit card is still in a suspended status. They always suspend them when you go out on disability so that you are not home buying lots of juicers, rings and sham-wow's on the home shopping network, I guess. So, from the get-go, I'm frustrated that I can't do what I need to do. Then Curly Sue comes up and informs me there is a dead body in the back parking lot. That is awesome, at least someone is having a good day. Everyone is instantly making jokes about how I've only been back one day and I've already killed someone. Not true, I have been completely cordial. I came back with the attitude that I was glad to be back and that I was going to be nicer and less stressed. I had definitely not killed anyone. Our new SVP even came up and gave me a hug this morning. And, I'm not huggy, as we all know, so I must not have been putting off the "drop dead" vibe.
As the day was progressing, things started to irritate me. First of all, my bra. The damn thing kept riding up and peeking out on the left side. It's a pink bra so it was kind of obvious. I asked Valerie to keep an eye on it and if she saw it peeking out to use the code word, "magenta" and I would know to inconspicuously get it under control. It's good to have a wardrobe code word, if you think about it. I mean, who wants to hear, "hey, your boob is popping out" when you are in a crowd? This bra thing is not exactly a catastrophe, I can handle this.
Then it was time for our daily morning meeting where we review yesterday's numbers and talk about whatever is going on. One of the guys, which I shall hence forth call P-Daddy, has this weird long Fu Man Chu chin hair thing going on. I don't really like facial hair and for some reason today I was not able to shut my inside voice up. I said, "Why don't you shave that off, it looks bad. It looks like rogue guy armpit hair." Well, that was mean. What is wrong with me? That was uncalled for. I started to feel bad, but then that passed.
The day progressed and I hit that magical space in time where I uttered the words, "Are you effing kidding me?" It was exactly 14 hours of time spent at work before I felt like I had never been gone. Like my rage spot had been activated. Something clicked inside of me. From that moment on I felt the despair, the hopelessness, the ridiculousness of the Glass Palace. It was like finding out Darth Vader was my father. Totally ruined my buzz.
The chaos surrounding the preparation for the VIP visit was increasing and the energy was tense. Instead of checking things off my list, my list kept getting longer and longer. Then my boss sends me a message asking for name tags and tent cards for one of the meetings with the queen VIP. So, I go in search of tent cards. I went into a back room we have that we use to store valuables and decorations. This is also where my ponies and personal belongings are being held hostage until after the VIPs leave. I open the door and it was a little like a child had cleaned a messy room and thrown everything into a closet. They cleaned the entire Glass Palace and all of the shit is just crammed in there. It took my breath away. I couldn't even bring myself to seriously pursue aforementioned tent cards. My God. This was wrong. I did catch a glimpse of my ponies. I petted them and poked their heads out of the box and apologized. NO pony deserved this. Anyway, I considered the mission a failure and concluded that we didn't have any tent cards. Since my corporate card wasn't working, I couldn't go buy any, but you know what? No problem. You know why? Cuz I got skill. I've got card stock paper and I've got labels that I can create name tags with. The boss said he didn't care if I could get it done, that'd be great. I mean, these people have badges that they are required to wear, but if he wants name stickers and tent cards, I'll do it. It's past time for me to leave for the day and I finally finish them. I show the boss and he is like, "Okay, so these tent cards won't work. Can't we print them with their names and titles? And these name tags, can we put the first and last names, and their titles and then maybe...." I stopped him and said snottily, "Perhaps I can put a bio on each person's name sticker and maybe even a picture...?" The boss thinks it's funny to poke the bear, so he suggests that yes, I should do that. I stood there and with all of my being I held in what I wanted say. I wanted to give him what for. I simply looked at him and said, "Well, I guess you know I am feeling well enough to be at work when I can feel this way and contain it." I went back out to my desk and started over. I wanted to give everyone "special" names and titles, but thought better of it. I don't think titles like "Executive Pain in My Ass," "Lazy Dirtbag," and "Big Whiny Baby" would fly, so I used official titles. While doing so, I thought about where a second body might crop up...and where a good place to put one would be. I think right under the balloon arch would be perfect.
My boss makes another appearance and asks me if Stilletto Barbie knows that she is running the slide show tomorrow for the Queen VIP. I said I thought Admin Queen had told her. My boss decides the best way to handle this is to text Stilletto Barbie and give her the news. She calls me within moments in a panic. Apparently, she had not been told. Why did I come back to work this week? Why? Stilletto Barbie and I discussed taking a lot of Xanax tomorrow to get through the day. I don't think that is a good idea for me, because as whacked as my system is, I'm sure it would go right to my head and then next thing you know, I'm the crazy employee standing up in the middle of the all employee meeting asking her what her stance is on tent cards and if she liked her effing name tag. No, no Xanax for me.
Anyway, finally got out of there. I passed by one of the other managers and told her briefly about my day. I told her I felt bad for letting my attitude get out of check as I was wanting to be better than that. She advised me that no one wants me or expects me to be nice and submissive and that we expect this type of behavior. She said people would worry about me if I was any different. Well, she sold me on that theory. I guess I'll embrace it. Everyone is now effectively on notice - The bitch is back in town and she is ready to resume business as usual.
Here is to the VIP visit being over tomorrow. I sure hope my tent cards pass the test. Especially since I'm not doing them again. I mean it. I'm not. This bitch has freaking perfected them as far as I can tell.
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