I do not like starting my mornings at 4AM, however, this is what I am subjected to today. I hear Will downstairs getting out of the shower and he exclaims, "F*CK!" but without the asterick. I have to go to the bathroom anyway, so I manage to stagger downstairs. Apparently, he broke his glasses while cleaning them. They broke right off on the nose piece, but not like in the middle where we could tape them and he could rock the nerd look, rather, they broke right at the seam of the nose piece. I mean, he could put a little cord on them and go like that guy on the Peanut packages, but I imagine that would also be tough. Will does have a backup pair of glasses, but they are the old prescription and he apparently has no depth perception in them. This is just the kind of person you want on the road for the morning commute. I guess as soon as Pearl Vision opens we will have to go in and get him new frames. Hopefully they can do it today and not charge us an arm and a leg because, frankly, I'm cranky and I'll make them sorry the day they ever sold us glasses in the first place.
Anyway, it's not enough that there was a disturbance in the force this morning, but then Will decides to come back to bed and bring all three dogs with him. This is a bad plan and I'll tell you why this is a bad plan. The dogs get excited when they get to come to bed and they like to lick my feet. All three of them scramble for position and angle. It makes me crazy. Then, when they have decided they are done, they attach themselves to me like little leaches, which means I can't freaking move. If I roll over, they reposition. Then, they get too hot, so they come out from under the blankets and shake, thusly flapping their ears and smacking my bare skin. Little bastards. Then, they go back under the blanket and in doing so, pull the covers off of my shoulders. So, I have a wiener dog rodeo going on under the blanket (and rest assured, this has nothing to do with sex), Will is snoring and I'm clinging to the edge of the bed because three wiener dogs are making my life hell. My head is starting to throb, but I'm almost back to sleep when I am attacked by two dogs dragging the covers off of me and ear flapping again. I. Lost. My. Mind. I yanked on the covers so hard it woke Will up. He's like, "heeeyyyy..." I said back in a woman-on-the-edge tone, "I'm effing tired of these effing dogs! I've been listening to you snore for AN HOUR, I can't sleep, I have a headache, the dogs won't get off me and I'm clinging to the edge of the bed!" It's a California King bed, people, there is plenty of room except tall guy over there sprawls out diagonally and then the dogs cling to me, so what room is left for the chubby wife? The edge. That is where I seem to be a lot lately...."the edge." Sensing a full on meltdown, Will tells the dogs to go to bed and they reluctantly get down. You know, it's one thing when Spanky crawls into bed with me each morning after Will gets up. He knows the rules and is a good bed partner, but when gang mentality sets in, it isn't pretty for anyone...except Will.
With any chance of sleep ruined, I get up. I'll just see what is going on in the world of Facebook. As soon as I log in, I get a message, "morning..." and then I am being asked to go to websites and blogs etc. WHOA. Too early for interacting with anyone and I'm crabby. I make my morning status update and share a couple of pictures and then my cell phone starts going off. One of my lifelong friends, Snarky Malibu Barbie, has refused to get a Facebook account, but her partner, Sunlovin' Barbie has friended me on Facebook. SMB is texting me and advising me that because of my early morning status updates, her and SB are going to have to downgrade me from "close friend" to "everyday friend" so that my posts don't make her phone vibrate. While she loves me, she needs her sleep. Well WHO DOESN'T?! I advised her of a study that determined that people rested better when turning their cell phones off. She countered with, "Studies show you're a bitch, but again, we love you." Well, fine. First of all, I didn't realize an actual study had been done. Observations, yes, but an actual study? What was the criteria? Who were the participants? Was it a double blind study? Was there any sort of placebo affect involved? Was any experimental medication given out? Because I could really go for some medication. I actually would like to see this alleged report.
Anyway, I informed her that this is how it works in the universe, my sleep is disturbed and I pay it forward.
Meanwhile, Will is still upstairs snoring and the dogs are snuggled in their own beds...hmph. To recap, I've been disturbed, violated and forced from my own bed and all I have to show for it is a headache and a friend downgrade on Facebook. And, it's only 7:42AM. I'm going to need to pace myself at the current rate.
To everyone else, I hope this blog in no way affects your sleep...wait, who am I kidding, I don't give a rats ass if it does! Suck it up!
Anyway, it's not enough that there was a disturbance in the force this morning, but then Will decides to come back to bed and bring all three dogs with him. This is a bad plan and I'll tell you why this is a bad plan. The dogs get excited when they get to come to bed and they like to lick my feet. All three of them scramble for position and angle. It makes me crazy. Then, when they have decided they are done, they attach themselves to me like little leaches, which means I can't freaking move. If I roll over, they reposition. Then, they get too hot, so they come out from under the blankets and shake, thusly flapping their ears and smacking my bare skin. Little bastards. Then, they go back under the blanket and in doing so, pull the covers off of my shoulders. So, I have a wiener dog rodeo going on under the blanket (and rest assured, this has nothing to do with sex), Will is snoring and I'm clinging to the edge of the bed because three wiener dogs are making my life hell. My head is starting to throb, but I'm almost back to sleep when I am attacked by two dogs dragging the covers off of me and ear flapping again. I. Lost. My. Mind. I yanked on the covers so hard it woke Will up. He's like, "heeeyyyy..." I said back in a woman-on-the-edge tone, "I'm effing tired of these effing dogs! I've been listening to you snore for AN HOUR, I can't sleep, I have a headache, the dogs won't get off me and I'm clinging to the edge of the bed!" It's a California King bed, people, there is plenty of room except tall guy over there sprawls out diagonally and then the dogs cling to me, so what room is left for the chubby wife? The edge. That is where I seem to be a lot lately...."the edge." Sensing a full on meltdown, Will tells the dogs to go to bed and they reluctantly get down. You know, it's one thing when Spanky crawls into bed with me each morning after Will gets up. He knows the rules and is a good bed partner, but when gang mentality sets in, it isn't pretty for anyone...except Will.
With any chance of sleep ruined, I get up. I'll just see what is going on in the world of Facebook. As soon as I log in, I get a message, "morning..." and then I am being asked to go to websites and blogs etc. WHOA. Too early for interacting with anyone and I'm crabby. I make my morning status update and share a couple of pictures and then my cell phone starts going off. One of my lifelong friends, Snarky Malibu Barbie, has refused to get a Facebook account, but her partner, Sunlovin' Barbie has friended me on Facebook. SMB is texting me and advising me that because of my early morning status updates, her and SB are going to have to downgrade me from "close friend" to "everyday friend" so that my posts don't make her phone vibrate. While she loves me, she needs her sleep. Well WHO DOESN'T?! I advised her of a study that determined that people rested better when turning their cell phones off. She countered with, "Studies show you're a bitch, but again, we love you." Well, fine. First of all, I didn't realize an actual study had been done. Observations, yes, but an actual study? What was the criteria? Who were the participants? Was it a double blind study? Was there any sort of placebo affect involved? Was any experimental medication given out? Because I could really go for some medication. I actually would like to see this alleged report.
Anyway, I informed her that this is how it works in the universe, my sleep is disturbed and I pay it forward.
Meanwhile, Will is still upstairs snoring and the dogs are snuggled in their own beds...hmph. To recap, I've been disturbed, violated and forced from my own bed and all I have to show for it is a headache and a friend downgrade on Facebook. And, it's only 7:42AM. I'm going to need to pace myself at the current rate.
To everyone else, I hope this blog in no way affects your sleep...wait, who am I kidding, I don't give a rats ass if it does! Suck it up!
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