The sun finally made an appearance today. Nice of it to show up. I decided in honor of what I call "summer snippets" I'd wear a dress today. It's a long, summery dress. I wanted to make sure I had things under control, so I put on my Spanx to harness the belly and give my thighs some sort of structure. And, in the defense of Spanx, I should say, these were not actually Spanx brand, they were some off-brand that I like to refer to as "Pranx." The longer I wore them, the more they started to mess with me. The belly part would slide down, then the legs would ride up. I slipped into the bathroom a few times to adjust it. This contraption was making me angry. Ever have one of those old style, pull down shades? You pull it down and allow it to catch and it stays. And then when you pull on it a little and it goes all the way back up. Well, that is how my Pranx were working, except they weren't staying anywhere.
Finally, I'd had it. The right leg was rolled up at this point. Previously the left leg had been hiked up into my crotch. I don't know why I do this to myself. It isn't like I looked like Cindy freakin' Crawford with this on. Like I turn into a super model or something and then *poof* back to Fat Albert. I walked into the bathroom and took them off. I thought about keeping them and then I thought, why? So they can screw with me on another day? No, they were going in the trash. I could have just hung them on the back of the toilet, which is apparently customary at my work place, but I like to think I have some basic manners, so I put them in the trash. I looked in the mirror to see how I looked without bondage. Luckily, the flowers and bling of the dress were distracting. For just a moment, I let my belly all the way out, arched my back and rubbed my belly. So this is what it would be like to be pregnant. Everyone would think my round belly was cute, they'd pet it and poke it. Actually, no they wouldn't, I'd punch 'em in the guts if they did. That's rude. Anyway, the thought crossed my mind that I could just tell people that I was pregnant, but then what happens after nine months? Do I tell them I am retaining the baby?
I decided to leave the bathroom and pretend I didn't feel half-naked. I mean, I wasn't commando or anything, but still, the absence of the Pranx made it a little weird. I should write to those Pranx people. What are they thinking? And that size two girl that is on the front of the package wearing them, what the hell is she doing even wearing Pranx? Seriously? The three fat cells she had were being bad? I bet her Pranx never budge. Now, you go putting some fat girl on the package with a slightly subdued waist and thighs begging to be released and THAT is truth in advertising. And, if we pan up to the girls face, she has anger in her eyes and tension in her lips. She is every plus size girl telling the true story. But no, you've got freakin' Kate Moss showing us how it's really done. I'm over it.
And that completes today's edition of "Cassondra shares way too much."
The End.
Finally, I'd had it. The right leg was rolled up at this point. Previously the left leg had been hiked up into my crotch. I don't know why I do this to myself. It isn't like I looked like Cindy freakin' Crawford with this on. Like I turn into a super model or something and then *poof* back to Fat Albert. I walked into the bathroom and took them off. I thought about keeping them and then I thought, why? So they can screw with me on another day? No, they were going in the trash. I could have just hung them on the back of the toilet, which is apparently customary at my work place, but I like to think I have some basic manners, so I put them in the trash. I looked in the mirror to see how I looked without bondage. Luckily, the flowers and bling of the dress were distracting. For just a moment, I let my belly all the way out, arched my back and rubbed my belly. So this is what it would be like to be pregnant. Everyone would think my round belly was cute, they'd pet it and poke it. Actually, no they wouldn't, I'd punch 'em in the guts if they did. That's rude. Anyway, the thought crossed my mind that I could just tell people that I was pregnant, but then what happens after nine months? Do I tell them I am retaining the baby?
I decided to leave the bathroom and pretend I didn't feel half-naked. I mean, I wasn't commando or anything, but still, the absence of the Pranx made it a little weird. I should write to those Pranx people. What are they thinking? And that size two girl that is on the front of the package wearing them, what the hell is she doing even wearing Pranx? Seriously? The three fat cells she had were being bad? I bet her Pranx never budge. Now, you go putting some fat girl on the package with a slightly subdued waist and thighs begging to be released and THAT is truth in advertising. And, if we pan up to the girls face, she has anger in her eyes and tension in her lips. She is every plus size girl telling the true story. But no, you've got freakin' Kate Moss showing us how it's really done. I'm over it.
And that completes today's edition of "Cassondra shares way too much."
The End.
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