I'm not friendly, I keep telling you people...

I've never made it a secret that I am not an extrovert.. I am friendly and social in situations that I choose to put myself in.  I do not view the grocery store as a social situation.  I view it as a necessary evil.  I go in, get what I need and get out.  I don't want to make small talk with strangers in the aisles or in the check-out line.  I don't talk to you, don't talk to me.  That is just how I feel. 

Today, I was "violated" at the grocery store.  I had to run to Safeway at lunch to get some gift cards for work.  As luck would have it, the ones I wanted were not out on the display.  I went to customer service to see if they had any more.  I told the lady at customer service what I needed and her reply was, "They should be out there." Well, genius, they aren't, I looked.  Apparently my word was not good enough, so she headed off to go check out the display.  While I was waiting for her return, a young girl/woman walked up to me with her little 3 year old son.  She was the picture of youth.  She was wearing some dark gray sweats with big jewels all over the legs, a bright pink sweatshirt with some bold image and her hair was shoved up in a scraggly half ponytail, and if memory serves me correctly, she was wearing slippers.  She sparkled like glitter in the gutter after a parade.  She looked to be about 16, but I suspect she was older because she had produced this small child and, as I would come to learn, she had an 18 month old at home.

Let's call this girl "Gidget."  Gidget asked me where the customer service lady went.  I told her she was looking for something for me. Gidget then told me that she needed change to do laundry because her really sick 18 month at home was really sick and vomiting and had a snotty nose and pooping everywhere so she really needed to do laundry.  I took a step back, clearly this girl was infectious. Gidget continued on about how bad this flu was because the vomiting happened first and then the snotty nose and then it just ran and ran, and then the fever came and isn't it weird how the fever came after?  Didn't I think that was odd?  I just nodded politely and faced the counter.  Gidget didn't stop.  Apparently she had more to tell me about vomit, snot and fever and so continued on about every step of her childs influenza journey.  I had about enough. I was giving off all of my best bitchy/aloof body language.  Gidget was immune.  Where the hell is that customer service lady? Checking for gift cards in the produce department?

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, this other lady comes walking up and pushes Gidget out of the way, she needed to check her Lotto ticket.  Let's call this lady, "Hilda."  Hilda had really short, odd hair that was kind of yellowish greenish and the top was in a pony tail. Honestly, she looked like a Teletubby. Hilda was instantly irritated that the customer service lady wasn't there, she had just broke even and won a dollar and she needed it put on her debit card.  Hilda asks, "Are you two in line? Where is the customer service person?"  Well, Hilda, we are not congregating here for our health, that is for damn sure, I'm probably going to need a flu shot after this.  I explained to Hilda that yes, we were waiting and that she was, in fact, third in line and that customer service lady was helping me. Hilda backed up.

Finally, the customer service lady comes back empty handed and informs me that it appears they are out of the gift cards I need.  Thank goodness she checked for me, I mean, I just wasn't sure if there was any or not SINCE THERE WEREN'T ANY ON THE RACK!!!  Now I need some hand sanitizer, some sort of haz-mat suit and a flu shot thanks to her thorough investigation. 

Now, I know that I, too, over-share at times.  I mean, I do go on about probiotic side-effects, bathroom behavior, nudity and boob placement, but people can stop reading whenever they want.  No one has to read this.  And if you are reading this, you probably know me and know that I will say just about anything. Except sex, Will says I can't talk about that, even though there have been some blog-worthy events in that department.  Nonetheless, I am hardly Carie Bradshaw from Sex in the City, so I spare you all.

Today Gidget went too far and I just want to go on record that I didn't appreciate it. And, her sweats were dumb, who  wears that?  I asked my friend why these things happen to me and she said I just have one of those faces that makes people want to tell me things.  I looked at her with that look that says, "are you for real?" and then she looked back.  I said, "I do not have a face that makes people want to open up.  I've seen my face, that isn't what it is saying."  She agreed and then we both laughed about the absurdity of my alleged friendliness. 

Anyway, just another day in the life of an extrovert.