Where is MY spirit guide?

Spent the a good part of the day with Mom today, which is fun because we don't get to do that very often due to Dad's illness.  Mom's a fun gal.  After all, she raised me, didn't she?  Who doesn't have a sense of humor after that ordeal? Anyway, Mom "needed" to go to the fabric store today since she is trying to become this sewing expert or something.  We went through the store and found all the pony fabric in the store and bought some, plus some lace stuff.  I'm pretty sure the fabric cutter girl thinks we're nuts. "What are you going to make?" she asks. Mom and I look at each other, "I don't know."  Buying pony stuff, it's what we do, we can't help ourselves.  I don't even sew and I buy fabric that I will allegedly someday do something with.  Mom and I have what Will calls, "pony eyes."  Pony eyes are what allow me to go into any store and locate something of a horse like nature.  It has amazed Will more than once.  I have found pony items at Sportsman's Warehouse, Cabela's, the grocery store, gas stations, mini-mart's, those Toy Shoppe vending machines.  I'll see an ear or a color and sure enough, it's a pony.  It's a skill. It can even be a curse.

The day progresses and we run a-muck accordingly, finally returning to my parent's house.  Mom decides to make dinner and we find ourselves hanging out in the family room while Dad watches back to back football games in the living room.  Dad is in and out of slumber due to recovering from his last chemo treatment and being under the influence of a variety of drugs. My sister comes in and informs us that Dad is talking in his sleep.  Mom says, "I wonder if he is talking to his Mom."  (side note: his Mom is no longer alive)  I ask Mom what would make her say that and she says, "Doesn't anyone ever talk to you?"  Um....no...not dead people. Haven't had one conversation with a dead person lately.  My sister and I exchanged looks.  Ok, I'll bite, "Mom, does anyone talk to you?"  She informs me that yes, quite frequently.  I said, "While you are awake or while you are sleeping?"  Mom says it happens when she is awake.  Again, I look at my sister, "Does anyone talk to YOU?"  Nope, no one talks to my sister.  So, then I ask, "Who talks to you?"  Mom informs me she thinks it is her spirit guide.  She says everyone has one.  She looks at me as if in disbelief, "Really? You've never heard anyone call your name?"  No, can't say as I have.  This is what happens when you start reading a lot of Sylvia Browne books, I think.  Now, I'm not saying my Mom is crazy, she isn't.  I believe her. Apparently she has had ghost interactions in the house as well.  My sister and brother have also confirmed odd goings on in the house from time to time, so it is possible.  Mom used to fall asleep on the couch and then say weird things in her sleep like one time she said, "Duct tape."  Another time she said, "Um...Bird."  And then, yet another time she said, "I wouldn't have said anything."  Were these musings with her spirit guide? If so, what in the hell were they talking about?  Sounds like hers is pretty random.

Here's my thing, I'm pissed off.  I have a spirit guide and he/she says nothing?  I want a new one then.  I have a lazy spirit guide.  This is crap.  How did I draw the short straw?  Is this what makes me eat ice cream when I shouldn't?  Is this my spirit guide trying to live out some sort of spirit fantasy? What is my spirit guide doing now?  I mean, I can't sleep, so I am down here writing this blog, where is my spirit guide now?  Will is sleeping upstairs, this would be a perfect time to clue me in on some things or give me some guidance. It isn't like I don't need any.  Does my spirit guide watch me?  I mean, like when I am in the shower or having sex? Is he/she/it here now?  I don't hear anything except the refrigerator. Is it possible my spirit guide is in Spanky's body? I mean that dog climbs up, gets like an inch from my face and stares at me..for long periods of time...is this the spirit guide trying to communicate?  If that is the case, maybe my spirit guide never talks to me because it is spending too much time chewing on Spanky's toenails, licking or scratching.  Just a thought.

Well, I guess I am going to try and go back to bed and get some sleep...unless my spirit guide has anything to say....last chance....Bueller?  Bueller?  Anyone? .......eh, screw it.