Tonight I went to see the movie Magic Mike XXL with my sister and my aunt. I would like to take a few moments and provide my review. It's actually kind of "our" review as my sister and I discussed it at length after the show.
First of all, I'd like to say, I love Channing Tatum. He's hot, his body is hot and I suspect he is a nice human being. I don't have a lot to base this on, but I think he probably isn't a Hollywood douche bag. I just have a feeling about him. Some of those feelings we can talk about, some of those feelings are reserved for my alone time. Anyway, I digress.
After watching approximately three billion movie previews before we got to the big show, I was delighted to see Channing making an early appearance when the movie finally did start. He's still hot as ever and his co-stars are hot, too. Plenty of eye candy. Two thumbs up for scenery.
I don't want to ruin the movie for anyone, so I don't want to give away the very intricate plot (p.s. spoiler alert, there was no intricate plot), so I will try and speak in generalities. First of all, Channing Tatum, I mean Magic Mike, welding in his garage is hot. Seeing him start dancing all over and dry humping a wooden table is hot. I mean, I wanted to be that wooden table. I wanted to feel the wood. I wanted Magic Mike to dance on me like a pole on a stage. We liked this part of the movie.
After that, turns out Mike and all his stripper buddies hit the road on their last big hurrah to the stripper convention in Myrtle Beach. If there really is such a convention, I want to go and make it rain on someone, you know what I mean, ladies? Make. It. Rain. I want to be a freaking monsoon, people. Anyway, they are driving cross country in a freaking yogurt truck because one of them has a dream to have a yogurt truck. Okay, this is dumb. I don't care if he wants a yogurt truck. Why are they traveling in a revamped taco truck that they are now making yogurt smoothies in? Why? There isn't even good seating. It's not sanitary. Apparently, they must have felt the same because then they start popping "Molly" and everyone gets freaking crazy. It kind of made me want to do some Molly. Whatever place they were in, I wanted to be there.
On their trek, still jacked on Molly, they stopped at a convenience store where there was a lady working there, who likely had not smiled in years. Stone cold bitch. Well, this was a great opportunity for the one dude, who was losing his confidence as a stripper, to go in and make her smile. After exploding a bag of Cheetos and spurting an Aqua Fina from his groin, she finally smiled. This part was funny, we liked it.
After that, they end up crashing the yogurt truck into a bunch of trees because they were still high on Molly and decided to meditate while driving. This is a bad idea for any of you considering it. The driver dude ends up in a hospital, now they are in a bind. Blah, blah, blah, they end up at this rich chick's house that has kind of a personal strip club, it's pretty amazing. Those stripper guys did stuff to those girls that was pretty...wow. One of the ladies was a really big lady and this guy is all up on her picking her up and swinging her around and stuff. I felt weird about this. Awkward. I get that fat girls like strippers, too, but it was weird. The good news is, she must have been mostly built of marshmallow fluff instead of actual poundage because that guy was flipping her around like she was a blow up doll. Side note: I'm pretty sure Shark Bait cannot pick me up like that.
So, after that, all the stripper buddies end up at some girls house that they met earlier in the movie on a beach outside a drag queen club. When they get there, she is outside, but her mom and all her mom's cougar friends are hanging out inside. They all latch on to the strippers and it is a regular Ya-Ya-Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants experience as they drink wine and talk about how sad their boring lives are. There is one guy that apparently has a really big package and that hasn't had sex in five months because his peener is too big for the ladies, but he ends up hooking up with the one mom who never had sex with anyone except her husband who recently left her because he was gay. We don't get to see this going down, but he gets a high five for it the next day.
My sister and I are kind of pissed there is no on screen sex in this movie. It's kind of bullshit. I mean, I look around at the theater and let me tell you, it was full of women who needed to see some ass, crotch bulge and hot sex. They needed it, I needed it and we didn't get it. Bullshit. There is one girl that Magic Mike is kind of connected to in the movie, but she is a lesbian. STOP. I didn't come to see Channing fucking Tatum have a lesbian friend in this movie. Who wrote this, his wife? Bullshit! If this is fantasy, it's my freaking fantasy along with all those other poor women in the theater that are eating their popcorn like a cougar eats a bunny rabbit. Okay? Bullshit. That theater was not full of lesbians. Lesbians don't care of about peeners, straight girls do (100% of my lesbian friends have verified this to be true). Beef, that's what we want.
Ok, so they finally make it to the big show in Myrtle Beach and this is where shit gets real. They go to the hardware store to get some supplies to build some stuff for the stage. And let me tell you, these boys know how to build a swing a girl wants to be in. Finally, we get to the dancing. Halle-freaking-lluiah. However, in our opinion, they leave their pants on way too long. We needed more thong action much sooner. I didn't pay to see your abs Channing, I want to see that ass. There were a lot of girls getting crotch thrusts in their face, but it was with the pants on. What fun is that? For the lesbian girl on stage with Magic Mike, I'm sure she could give a care less, but frankly, I was upset by the amount of clothes being worn. I only really got to see Channing ass the last couple minutes of the movie. And another thing, they were showcasing a lot of fat girls. A lot of dancing up on fat girls. One girl even had her dress pulled up and you saw her Spanx. What is that all about? What are you saying? Why did she have to be wearing Spanx? I mean, I'm glad there was equal opportunity for fat girls getting gyrated on, I think the Spanx shot was unnecessary.
My sister and I would like to say we believe that there was an overall lack of male nudity. No shower scenes, not enough sweat and no sex. If 50 Shades of Grey has taught us anything, it's that there are a shitload of horney women in America and on this day, at this movie, a lot of women went home and had to watch porn to get to their happy place. This movie was just not enough.
Overall, we did enjoy the over-use of the F word, the use of whipped cream, the dancing and the bodies we did get to see. It was worth the show, but it did come up a little short in the happy ending department. It was kind of like Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure meet's Chipendales Dancers. It did inspire us, and my aunt, to want to go to the hardware store on the way home. Brings a whole to new meaning to the phrase "if you build it, they will come..." (shameless Field of Dreams quote).
And that's a wrap.
"Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure meets Chippendale's dancers. 3 out of 5 stars" - Cassondra & Theresa
Disclaimer: We may have to go see it again to make sure this movie review is accurate.
First of all, I'd like to say, I love Channing Tatum. He's hot, his body is hot and I suspect he is a nice human being. I don't have a lot to base this on, but I think he probably isn't a Hollywood douche bag. I just have a feeling about him. Some of those feelings we can talk about, some of those feelings are reserved for my alone time. Anyway, I digress.
After watching approximately three billion movie previews before we got to the big show, I was delighted to see Channing making an early appearance when the movie finally did start. He's still hot as ever and his co-stars are hot, too. Plenty of eye candy. Two thumbs up for scenery.
I don't want to ruin the movie for anyone, so I don't want to give away the very intricate plot (p.s. spoiler alert, there was no intricate plot), so I will try and speak in generalities. First of all, Channing Tatum, I mean Magic Mike, welding in his garage is hot. Seeing him start dancing all over and dry humping a wooden table is hot. I mean, I wanted to be that wooden table. I wanted to feel the wood. I wanted Magic Mike to dance on me like a pole on a stage. We liked this part of the movie.
After that, turns out Mike and all his stripper buddies hit the road on their last big hurrah to the stripper convention in Myrtle Beach. If there really is such a convention, I want to go and make it rain on someone, you know what I mean, ladies? Make. It. Rain. I want to be a freaking monsoon, people. Anyway, they are driving cross country in a freaking yogurt truck because one of them has a dream to have a yogurt truck. Okay, this is dumb. I don't care if he wants a yogurt truck. Why are they traveling in a revamped taco truck that they are now making yogurt smoothies in? Why? There isn't even good seating. It's not sanitary. Apparently, they must have felt the same because then they start popping "Molly" and everyone gets freaking crazy. It kind of made me want to do some Molly. Whatever place they were in, I wanted to be there.
On their trek, still jacked on Molly, they stopped at a convenience store where there was a lady working there, who likely had not smiled in years. Stone cold bitch. Well, this was a great opportunity for the one dude, who was losing his confidence as a stripper, to go in and make her smile. After exploding a bag of Cheetos and spurting an Aqua Fina from his groin, she finally smiled. This part was funny, we liked it.
After that, they end up crashing the yogurt truck into a bunch of trees because they were still high on Molly and decided to meditate while driving. This is a bad idea for any of you considering it. The driver dude ends up in a hospital, now they are in a bind. Blah, blah, blah, they end up at this rich chick's house that has kind of a personal strip club, it's pretty amazing. Those stripper guys did stuff to those girls that was pretty...wow. One of the ladies was a really big lady and this guy is all up on her picking her up and swinging her around and stuff. I felt weird about this. Awkward. I get that fat girls like strippers, too, but it was weird. The good news is, she must have been mostly built of marshmallow fluff instead of actual poundage because that guy was flipping her around like she was a blow up doll. Side note: I'm pretty sure Shark Bait cannot pick me up like that.
So, after that, all the stripper buddies end up at some girls house that they met earlier in the movie on a beach outside a drag queen club. When they get there, she is outside, but her mom and all her mom's cougar friends are hanging out inside. They all latch on to the strippers and it is a regular Ya-Ya-Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants experience as they drink wine and talk about how sad their boring lives are. There is one guy that apparently has a really big package and that hasn't had sex in five months because his peener is too big for the ladies, but he ends up hooking up with the one mom who never had sex with anyone except her husband who recently left her because he was gay. We don't get to see this going down, but he gets a high five for it the next day.
My sister and I are kind of pissed there is no on screen sex in this movie. It's kind of bullshit. I mean, I look around at the theater and let me tell you, it was full of women who needed to see some ass, crotch bulge and hot sex. They needed it, I needed it and we didn't get it. Bullshit. There is one girl that Magic Mike is kind of connected to in the movie, but she is a lesbian. STOP. I didn't come to see Channing fucking Tatum have a lesbian friend in this movie. Who wrote this, his wife? Bullshit! If this is fantasy, it's my freaking fantasy along with all those other poor women in the theater that are eating their popcorn like a cougar eats a bunny rabbit. Okay? Bullshit. That theater was not full of lesbians. Lesbians don't care of about peeners, straight girls do (100% of my lesbian friends have verified this to be true). Beef, that's what we want.
Ok, so they finally make it to the big show in Myrtle Beach and this is where shit gets real. They go to the hardware store to get some supplies to build some stuff for the stage. And let me tell you, these boys know how to build a swing a girl wants to be in. Finally, we get to the dancing. Halle-freaking-lluiah. However, in our opinion, they leave their pants on way too long. We needed more thong action much sooner. I didn't pay to see your abs Channing, I want to see that ass. There were a lot of girls getting crotch thrusts in their face, but it was with the pants on. What fun is that? For the lesbian girl on stage with Magic Mike, I'm sure she could give a care less, but frankly, I was upset by the amount of clothes being worn. I only really got to see Channing ass the last couple minutes of the movie. And another thing, they were showcasing a lot of fat girls. A lot of dancing up on fat girls. One girl even had her dress pulled up and you saw her Spanx. What is that all about? What are you saying? Why did she have to be wearing Spanx? I mean, I'm glad there was equal opportunity for fat girls getting gyrated on, I think the Spanx shot was unnecessary.
My sister and I would like to say we believe that there was an overall lack of male nudity. No shower scenes, not enough sweat and no sex. If 50 Shades of Grey has taught us anything, it's that there are a shitload of horney women in America and on this day, at this movie, a lot of women went home and had to watch porn to get to their happy place. This movie was just not enough.
Overall, we did enjoy the over-use of the F word, the use of whipped cream, the dancing and the bodies we did get to see. It was worth the show, but it did come up a little short in the happy ending department. It was kind of like Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure meet's Chipendales Dancers. It did inspire us, and my aunt, to want to go to the hardware store on the way home. Brings a whole to new meaning to the phrase "if you build it, they will come..." (shameless Field of Dreams quote).
And that's a wrap.
"Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure meets Chippendale's dancers. 3 out of 5 stars" - Cassondra & Theresa
Disclaimer: We may have to go see it again to make sure this movie review is accurate.
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