Today I'd like to address something critical. There is so much going on in the media right now about the new marriage law and what Kaitlyn Jenner is wearing and I know those are important topics, but I'd like to shift things to a more serious topic. One that I know needs to be talked about. So please unfriend me if you must, never read another blog again, but this one, you must read.
Today's topic: M&M's and the unjust sharing expectations, as told by Angry Pony.
Yesterday, Shark Bait and I were running errands. We stopped at a little mini-mart place to get Shark Bait something to drink and he asked me, "Do you want anything?" Well, that is a broad question. I can think of any number of things I want. Most of which cannot be found within the walls of this gas station mini-mart, however, I said, "Bring me some M&M's and don't try that whole sharing thing." I think this was delivered pretty clearly. The meaning cannot be misinterpreted. What I expected to arrive back at the truck was a bag of peanut M&M's. Shark Bait came back and had a bag of peanut butter M&M's and a bag of almond M&M's. I said, "I wanted peanut M&M's." Shark Bait was not about to be sucked into this drama. He said, "You can have the peanut butter M&M's or the almond ones and if you don't like it, tough, that is what there is." I don't really like tough love, but nonetheless I took the almond M&M's.
As I looked at the bag, I noticed it said, "sharing size" on it. I told Shark Bait, "I don't care if it does say sharing, I'm not sharing. Not one." I mean, it's kind of a scam, really. The "sharing size" bag is just slightly bigger than the normal single serving bag. I don't care if their slogan was that M&M's make friends, that's bullshit. They also said they melt in your mouth, not in your hands. Guess what, it's freaking chocolate, you bet your ass it's going to melt in your hand. I mean, if you eat them fast, I guess...maybe that was their point, I don't know, but I digress. Anyway, back to sharing...as one of my co-workers says, "sharing is for communists." Look, if you are my friend and you see me with M&M's, if you are true friend, you won't expect any M&M's because you know the key to friendship is not taking M&M's from me. If you love me, you don't take my chocolate, okay? Just the other day I had some at work and Never Shuts Up Barbie comes over and she is all, "Oh, those look good." I said, "They are." NSUB says, "Wow, I mean, you could offer me some...I mean, I might like some..." I looked at her, put the rest of them in my mouth and said, "Sorry, I don't have anymore, but for a buck fifty, you can get some out of the vending machine." I mean, what planet is she even from? Asking for M&M's? She may as well have given me a "Fun Size" bag. You know, the little ones they give out on Halloween that have like 10 M&M's in there. Who is that fun for? WHO? That right there is a terrorist act, if you ask me. Supplying a measly 10 M&M's and calling it fun. I don't even know what is happening in America. Forget America, I don't even know how this world is going to continue to exist with this kind of portion size/control warfare tactics. And, if we look to the Bible for answers, it's clear Jesus wants us to be happy. So this whole socialistic control of fun size vs. sharing size thing is not only offensive on a political level, it has shook me to my core on a moral level.
It changes peoples lives. It could even cause divorce.
Now, back to my story. As I was eating my M&M's and we were leaving the car wash, Shark Bait said, "Gimme one...just one." Begrudgingly, I put ONE in his hand. He said, "Really?" Then he offered me some of his peanut butter M&M's, like that made this whole injustice okay. I was like, "I don't want your peanut butter crap." But then, I thought about it and realized, the M&M ratio had been disturbed. Damn if I wasn't going to take one of his M&M's. I don't even like peanut butter M&M's. I boldly took two of them. Shark Bait said, "HEY! You took two!" I said, "Yeah, your M&M's are clearly smaller than mine, I'm trying to keep the balance fair." He started to get a sulky look because mine were gone now, there was no way to even things out in his eyes. I said, "Oh my word, are you really that upset I had TWO of your M&M's?! I will never, as God is my witness, take one of your M&M's again! I don't know how we can get past this, I don't know if we are going to make it, knowing that at the end of the day, the M&M count is - Cassondra up by one!" Shark Bait started mock slapping me and we were laughing, but still, this could have lead to a serious altercation. We may have had to file irreconcilable differences.
So, I guess what I'm saying, on this Independence Day, is that we've got bigger problems than who's marrying who. We've got bigger problems than whether we will ever be allowed to watch the Dukes of Hazard again because of the Confederate Flag. We've got a serious problem with M&M distribution. We have hungry people that need M&M's. Don't forget that, America. Don't ever forget.
Disclaimer: If anyone was offended by my alliance to peanut M&M's and my views thereof, please, calm down. If anyone was upset I was mocking the real problems of this world, it is only because society has become so absurd, I can't comprehend it. And, not having enough M&M's does make the Pony mad.
Happy Fourth of July. May you remember something positive about our country today that actually does make you proud and may you not light our state on fire because we are living in drought conditions and people are stupid with fireworks.
Today's topic: M&M's and the unjust sharing expectations, as told by Angry Pony.
Yesterday, Shark Bait and I were running errands. We stopped at a little mini-mart place to get Shark Bait something to drink and he asked me, "Do you want anything?" Well, that is a broad question. I can think of any number of things I want. Most of which cannot be found within the walls of this gas station mini-mart, however, I said, "Bring me some M&M's and don't try that whole sharing thing." I think this was delivered pretty clearly. The meaning cannot be misinterpreted. What I expected to arrive back at the truck was a bag of peanut M&M's. Shark Bait came back and had a bag of peanut butter M&M's and a bag of almond M&M's. I said, "I wanted peanut M&M's." Shark Bait was not about to be sucked into this drama. He said, "You can have the peanut butter M&M's or the almond ones and if you don't like it, tough, that is what there is." I don't really like tough love, but nonetheless I took the almond M&M's.
As I looked at the bag, I noticed it said, "sharing size" on it. I told Shark Bait, "I don't care if it does say sharing, I'm not sharing. Not one." I mean, it's kind of a scam, really. The "sharing size" bag is just slightly bigger than the normal single serving bag. I don't care if their slogan was that M&M's make friends, that's bullshit. They also said they melt in your mouth, not in your hands. Guess what, it's freaking chocolate, you bet your ass it's going to melt in your hand. I mean, if you eat them fast, I guess...maybe that was their point, I don't know, but I digress. Anyway, back to sharing...as one of my co-workers says, "sharing is for communists." Look, if you are my friend and you see me with M&M's, if you are true friend, you won't expect any M&M's because you know the key to friendship is not taking M&M's from me. If you love me, you don't take my chocolate, okay? Just the other day I had some at work and Never Shuts Up Barbie comes over and she is all, "Oh, those look good." I said, "They are." NSUB says, "Wow, I mean, you could offer me some...I mean, I might like some..." I looked at her, put the rest of them in my mouth and said, "Sorry, I don't have anymore, but for a buck fifty, you can get some out of the vending machine." I mean, what planet is she even from? Asking for M&M's? She may as well have given me a "Fun Size" bag. You know, the little ones they give out on Halloween that have like 10 M&M's in there. Who is that fun for? WHO? That right there is a terrorist act, if you ask me. Supplying a measly 10 M&M's and calling it fun. I don't even know what is happening in America. Forget America, I don't even know how this world is going to continue to exist with this kind of portion size/control warfare tactics. And, if we look to the Bible for answers, it's clear Jesus wants us to be happy. So this whole socialistic control of fun size vs. sharing size thing is not only offensive on a political level, it has shook me to my core on a moral level.
It changes peoples lives. It could even cause divorce.
Now, back to my story. As I was eating my M&M's and we were leaving the car wash, Shark Bait said, "Gimme one...just one." Begrudgingly, I put ONE in his hand. He said, "Really?" Then he offered me some of his peanut butter M&M's, like that made this whole injustice okay. I was like, "I don't want your peanut butter crap." But then, I thought about it and realized, the M&M ratio had been disturbed. Damn if I wasn't going to take one of his M&M's. I don't even like peanut butter M&M's. I boldly took two of them. Shark Bait said, "HEY! You took two!" I said, "Yeah, your M&M's are clearly smaller than mine, I'm trying to keep the balance fair." He started to get a sulky look because mine were gone now, there was no way to even things out in his eyes. I said, "Oh my word, are you really that upset I had TWO of your M&M's?! I will never, as God is my witness, take one of your M&M's again! I don't know how we can get past this, I don't know if we are going to make it, knowing that at the end of the day, the M&M count is - Cassondra up by one!" Shark Bait started mock slapping me and we were laughing, but still, this could have lead to a serious altercation. We may have had to file irreconcilable differences.
So, I guess what I'm saying, on this Independence Day, is that we've got bigger problems than who's marrying who. We've got bigger problems than whether we will ever be allowed to watch the Dukes of Hazard again because of the Confederate Flag. We've got a serious problem with M&M distribution. We have hungry people that need M&M's. Don't forget that, America. Don't ever forget.
Disclaimer: If anyone was offended by my alliance to peanut M&M's and my views thereof, please, calm down. If anyone was upset I was mocking the real problems of this world, it is only because society has become so absurd, I can't comprehend it. And, not having enough M&M's does make the Pony mad.
Happy Fourth of July. May you remember something positive about our country today that actually does make you proud and may you not light our state on fire because we are living in drought conditions and people are stupid with fireworks.
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