Mother Trucker. That is the mood of the day. The dark one has risen. Of this, I am sure due to the two red marks on my forehead. It would appear I am growing horns. Fanfuckingtastic.
I'm not the only one that is a hot mess. I check my FB first thing this morning and it appears the government is shutting down. The mother- trucking, lilly-livered, scum-sucking, ugly douchebag sons of a bulls nutsacks can't take care of our nation to save their lives. No big deal. The fat-cat, bottom feeding, wiener wielding asshats get paid, what the frick do they care? They don't. They have prostitutes to buy, oil in third-world countries and dirty deals with other country leaders. NO ONE is looking out for us, least of all, our lame duck President. I'm over it. Now, in a related story about stupid people out for themselves, some couple in some other country decided to have sex on railroad tracks and the chick gets killed and the dude has severed legs. What the hell is a matter with people? Did you not see or hear the train coming? My morning is filled with the asinine and ridiculous. Ain't nobody got time for that. It's all just depressing. Why don't we all just overthrow the effing government, go all "end of times" and frickin' pack a bow and a gun and do a Die Hard "yippie ki ya motha fuckers" and take charge? Who needs all this fancy crap? I'm about ready to go prehistoric. The government is going to kill us with our own food supply, pollution and bullshit anyway, why not make it interesting? We are so busy screwing around in every other's country's business we can't even take care of our own. Well, me Arnold Swartzenhegger, Sly Stallone and the effing Rock are going to get some shit right. I'd better get my ass to the gym.
Anyway, I proceed to work and am in no mood to tolerate anything, but trying to semi fake it for Four Feet of Fury who likes to see me happy. Luckily, she is busy so the darkness looming around me is undetected. Then, almost as an answer to my prayer, HR shows up with a bunch of employee assistance pamphlets to pass out to those in need of support. You know, if your employee says they are going to take the roof and off incoming civilians, you just give them a pamphlet, pat them on the head, and then you are good to go. I took this as my queue to cover my ass. One of the supervisors came up with a question. I proceeded to rip into her and when she stood there with her bottom lip hanging out, I handed her a pamphlet and said, "here, go make a call and when they ask what your problem is, tell them "bitchy admin." Now, go." This was very fortuitous of HR to bring these today. They were going to come in handy. I wonder if I would need more...?
The next assault was when I checked my email to find a message from Ass Kicker. Shit. He was coming for me. He wants to know when we can have our next session. Today is not the day. Although, I really should get down there soon, because of the "take back 'Murica" and my trip to the bathroom was exhausting. Let me explain. Today, I wore a long skirt...wait, let me start at the beginning...I had on the bra and panties, of course, then an FCD on the top, and FCD slip on the bottom, nylons and then the skirt, then a cami and then a cardigan on top of that. I was layered like any fat girl does. I waited almost too long to go to the bathroom because the nylons were under the lower and upper FCD, so I had to wiggle down the skirt and then the slip FCD, then roll up the upper FCD and then get my nylons down. Holy shit, it was a serious undertaking. Then, had to get myself back together after the fact and ensure nothing was tucked into the wrong thing as I left. You people cannot appreciate what effort goes into dressing in the morning.
I got back to my desk, safe and sound, without flashing anyone and made a call to Amazon. Those folks screwed up my order. I ordered gift cards to be mailed to me so that I could hand them out to people that won them, but in Amazon's infinite wisdom, they gave me emailed gift cards, but then only emailed one of them. I call and get some dude named Johnny with an accent so thick, I know that his real name is probably Bubskypicttaaaken Anju-Piakkeensomoffin. He isn't from the hood, if you know what I mean. I explain the problem to him. Silence on the line and then he says, "I don't understand your problem." I didn't understand that he didn't understand because I couldn't understand a fucking word he was saying!!! Finally, I understand that he doesn't understand, so I say, "I don't understand what you don't understand...(I start to talk really slow) ...I wanted gift cards sent to me, so that I can give them away as prizes." He says again, "I don't understand." I said, again, this time slower and louder, "These cards are not for me. I want the cards sent to me so that I can give them away." Dead silence on the line. I start again. "These cards are not for me to spend personally, I want to give them as gifts." He finally responds back, "So these cards are not for you?" I think I was having chest pains. I'm certain my face was read. I hit the mute button and put my head back and said, "oh my God, I am talking to the stupidest person on the planet in some village called Wikipupu, I know it..." I probably just violated some sort of discrimination rule. This is why HR is on the 5th floor and I am on the 3rd floor, sound buffer. I finally finished my conversation with "Johnny." I received an email from him asking me if he resolved my issue. I don't know how to answer that. Until I see those cards, I don't know that he has. I hope he doesn't get stoned at the well tonight for me not completing the survey. I know that sounds really mean, but right now, I'm seriously sick of the bullshit going on in America. Maybe if we actually had people that worked here in America and companies didn't outsource so much, we wouldn't be in half the pickle we are in. Ugh.
I finished my day by enduring a staff meeting and planning a luncheon for the entire effing work group at the Glass Palace. I finally turn over to FB for some entertainment. Not much entertainment there since everyone is pissed off at the government, which, rightly so, but seriously, where are my effing LOL Catz and inspirational quotes? I did see one quote on there about how there are angels watching over us and how my Mom finds pennies where there were no pennies before and she thinks her angel leaves them for her. Another friend claims she has found $20's from her angel. I'm pissed. I have lost some special people in my life and none of them are leaving me money. I don't even have that feeling anyone is watching over me. Maybe it is because Satan has marked me to do his bidding. I don't know. If these bumps on my head get any bigger and start to form horns, or my tongue gets forked...or I grow a pointy tail...I don't know what, but it ain't gonna be good. And baby, the Devil does not wear an FCD, so look for it to get ugly, too.
I'm not the only one that is a hot mess. I check my FB first thing this morning and it appears the government is shutting down. The mother- trucking, lilly-livered, scum-sucking, ugly douchebag sons of a bulls nutsacks can't take care of our nation to save their lives. No big deal. The fat-cat, bottom feeding, wiener wielding asshats get paid, what the frick do they care? They don't. They have prostitutes to buy, oil in third-world countries and dirty deals with other country leaders. NO ONE is looking out for us, least of all, our lame duck President. I'm over it. Now, in a related story about stupid people out for themselves, some couple in some other country decided to have sex on railroad tracks and the chick gets killed and the dude has severed legs. What the hell is a matter with people? Did you not see or hear the train coming? My morning is filled with the asinine and ridiculous. Ain't nobody got time for that. It's all just depressing. Why don't we all just overthrow the effing government, go all "end of times" and frickin' pack a bow and a gun and do a Die Hard "yippie ki ya motha fuckers" and take charge? Who needs all this fancy crap? I'm about ready to go prehistoric. The government is going to kill us with our own food supply, pollution and bullshit anyway, why not make it interesting? We are so busy screwing around in every other's country's business we can't even take care of our own. Well, me Arnold Swartzenhegger, Sly Stallone and the effing Rock are going to get some shit right. I'd better get my ass to the gym.
Anyway, I proceed to work and am in no mood to tolerate anything, but trying to semi fake it for Four Feet of Fury who likes to see me happy. Luckily, she is busy so the darkness looming around me is undetected. Then, almost as an answer to my prayer, HR shows up with a bunch of employee assistance pamphlets to pass out to those in need of support. You know, if your employee says they are going to take the roof and off incoming civilians, you just give them a pamphlet, pat them on the head, and then you are good to go. I took this as my queue to cover my ass. One of the supervisors came up with a question. I proceeded to rip into her and when she stood there with her bottom lip hanging out, I handed her a pamphlet and said, "here, go make a call and when they ask what your problem is, tell them "bitchy admin." Now, go." This was very fortuitous of HR to bring these today. They were going to come in handy. I wonder if I would need more...?
The next assault was when I checked my email to find a message from Ass Kicker. Shit. He was coming for me. He wants to know when we can have our next session. Today is not the day. Although, I really should get down there soon, because of the "take back 'Murica" and my trip to the bathroom was exhausting. Let me explain. Today, I wore a long skirt...wait, let me start at the beginning...I had on the bra and panties, of course, then an FCD on the top, and FCD slip on the bottom, nylons and then the skirt, then a cami and then a cardigan on top of that. I was layered like any fat girl does. I waited almost too long to go to the bathroom because the nylons were under the lower and upper FCD, so I had to wiggle down the skirt and then the slip FCD, then roll up the upper FCD and then get my nylons down. Holy shit, it was a serious undertaking. Then, had to get myself back together after the fact and ensure nothing was tucked into the wrong thing as I left. You people cannot appreciate what effort goes into dressing in the morning.
I got back to my desk, safe and sound, without flashing anyone and made a call to Amazon. Those folks screwed up my order. I ordered gift cards to be mailed to me so that I could hand them out to people that won them, but in Amazon's infinite wisdom, they gave me emailed gift cards, but then only emailed one of them. I call and get some dude named Johnny with an accent so thick, I know that his real name is probably Bubskypicttaaaken Anju-Piakkeensomoffin. He isn't from the hood, if you know what I mean. I explain the problem to him. Silence on the line and then he says, "I don't understand your problem." I didn't understand that he didn't understand because I couldn't understand a fucking word he was saying!!! Finally, I understand that he doesn't understand, so I say, "I don't understand what you don't understand...(I start to talk really slow) ...I wanted gift cards sent to me, so that I can give them away as prizes." He says again, "I don't understand." I said, again, this time slower and louder, "These cards are not for me. I want the cards sent to me so that I can give them away." Dead silence on the line. I start again. "These cards are not for me to spend personally, I want to give them as gifts." He finally responds back, "So these cards are not for you?" I think I was having chest pains. I'm certain my face was read. I hit the mute button and put my head back and said, "oh my God, I am talking to the stupidest person on the planet in some village called Wikipupu, I know it..." I probably just violated some sort of discrimination rule. This is why HR is on the 5th floor and I am on the 3rd floor, sound buffer. I finally finished my conversation with "Johnny." I received an email from him asking me if he resolved my issue. I don't know how to answer that. Until I see those cards, I don't know that he has. I hope he doesn't get stoned at the well tonight for me not completing the survey. I know that sounds really mean, but right now, I'm seriously sick of the bullshit going on in America. Maybe if we actually had people that worked here in America and companies didn't outsource so much, we wouldn't be in half the pickle we are in. Ugh.
I finished my day by enduring a staff meeting and planning a luncheon for the entire effing work group at the Glass Palace. I finally turn over to FB for some entertainment. Not much entertainment there since everyone is pissed off at the government, which, rightly so, but seriously, where are my effing LOL Catz and inspirational quotes? I did see one quote on there about how there are angels watching over us and how my Mom finds pennies where there were no pennies before and she thinks her angel leaves them for her. Another friend claims she has found $20's from her angel. I'm pissed. I have lost some special people in my life and none of them are leaving me money. I don't even have that feeling anyone is watching over me. Maybe it is because Satan has marked me to do his bidding. I don't know. If these bumps on my head get any bigger and start to form horns, or my tongue gets forked...or I grow a pointy tail...I don't know what, but it ain't gonna be good. And baby, the Devil does not wear an FCD, so look for it to get ugly, too.
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| I've been marked by the dark one |
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