I'm having one of those ponderous days. It's a Saturday. Will is at work. I have nothing but time, dishes, laundry and barn cleaning to occupy my hands, which means, there is a lot of space to fill up in my mind. I've already been through Facebook and Pinterest and frankly, it is kind of irritating me. I know what you are thinking, everything irritates me. This is only partially true. Okay, so it is largely true, but not necessarily ALWAYS true. I mean, I do love my dogs...except on days they are found guilty of knocking over the bathroom trash and digging for feminine hygiene products. I do love my ponies...except when they are tearing down the fences...and pooping in their stalls. I mean, hello, they can come and go in and out of them, there is no reason to shit in there. None. I love my husband...except when he is being ...well...ladies, you know where I am going with this...except when he is being a dumbass. So, really, I'm not irritated ALL the time, just when I am provoked...and right after I wake up. Anyway, that was a long digression to say that Facebook and Pinterest were irritating me.
The reason I am irritated is because of all these damn quotes that, I believe, are designed to force me to comply to societal norms. Why do I have to believe that "Nothing can bring you peace but yourself." Have you met me? I would like some peace but myself won't let that happen. "Your life is a result of the choices you make...If you don't like your life, it's time to start making better choices." Well, thank you, judgy quote for making it all so easy to understand. Well, I'll just start doing everything differently right now, where the frick were you when I was like, five years old? Finally, advice I can use. "You'll never leave where you are until you decide where you'd rather be." Well, genius, I'd rather be in Maui right now. I don't think I will be leaving to go there anytime soon since I don't even have enough money to pop some tags at the local dollar store. So, what do you suggest I do now? Oh, I know, save your pennies so that someday you get to go to Maui. What, are you new? Do you not know me? I'm a now girl, not a when I can't get my wheel chair out in the sandy beach girl. Stupid quotes. "Worrying will never change the outcome." Well, that is fantastic news. More of my time wasted. Here and I thought worrying was the answer. I'll just stop...right now. "Sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together." Oh, okay, that sounds great, so I will just smile and always know that when a door closes, a window is opening. Bullshit, I prefer the door, I can't be trying to get my fat ass out the window, someone is going to get hurt.
AND, don't try and inspire me with all this exercise crap. All that, "if it doesn't hurt, it isn't worth it," or all that finding yourself on the pavement at 5AM stuff. It's Bullshit. You'll find me hitting the snooze alarm at 5AM, but I will have hay in my hair by 5:30AM and THAT is where I find myself. Or the "If it is important, you will find a way. If not, you'll find an excuse." Well, thanks for making me feel like what I want isn't important enough because I didn't go to the gym yesterday. Clearly I am an excuse maker. Clearly, I'll never achieve my dreams. Eff off.
And, here is the topper: "The most important decision you make is to be in a good mood." Well, right there, I'm screwed. That is a lot of pressure every day. I don't know how people do it. I mean, I know people that genuinely seem to be in a good mood...every day. I don't understand, can't imagine it, could not pull it off. And, I know, sure, just because they are smiling doesn't mean their life is perfect, doesn't mean they are happy. Maybe it just means they are "faking it until they make it." I don't know. I'm not that person. I feel what I feel. I'm not good at hiding what I feel.
I'm not saying I don't see the truth in any of these aforementioned quotes, I'm saying I can't seem to get to that place where I believe them or can live them. I think I'm broken. Seriously. I just told Will that the other night as I had a meltdown. Finding the ability to rise above and be content with what I have and not focus on the things I want but cannot seem to achieve is difficult. Being happy with who I am today and not worrying about tomorrow, foreign concept. I look at these abilities that others have as like a super power. These people should wear capes or some sort of super hero outfit that identify them as exceptional human beings with powers of self-realization. I don't know, maybe someday, after extensive therapy, a medication cocktail (did I just spell cocktail right? it doesn't look right...how did that word come about? a beverage doesn't look like a drink or a cock...just more stuff I don't understand), or some shock therapy. I want to be a happier person, but I can't get there. I'm Angry Pony. I don't know how to be anything else.
So, in conclusion, Facebook and Pinterest, kiss my ass. Go self-realize yourself in the worlds perfect carrot cake while having a great hair day, looking cute in some sparkly shoes while organizing your closet with a laundry basket, a curtain rod and some extra gardening string. Go. Be amazing and innovative. You self-less piece of work. I hate your guts. And your cake. And your sparkly shoes. I hope your closet door locks you in.
The reason I am irritated is because of all these damn quotes that, I believe, are designed to force me to comply to societal norms. Why do I have to believe that "Nothing can bring you peace but yourself." Have you met me? I would like some peace but myself won't let that happen. "Your life is a result of the choices you make...If you don't like your life, it's time to start making better choices." Well, thank you, judgy quote for making it all so easy to understand. Well, I'll just start doing everything differently right now, where the frick were you when I was like, five years old? Finally, advice I can use. "You'll never leave where you are until you decide where you'd rather be." Well, genius, I'd rather be in Maui right now. I don't think I will be leaving to go there anytime soon since I don't even have enough money to pop some tags at the local dollar store. So, what do you suggest I do now? Oh, I know, save your pennies so that someday you get to go to Maui. What, are you new? Do you not know me? I'm a now girl, not a when I can't get my wheel chair out in the sandy beach girl. Stupid quotes. "Worrying will never change the outcome." Well, that is fantastic news. More of my time wasted. Here and I thought worrying was the answer. I'll just stop...right now. "Sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together." Oh, okay, that sounds great, so I will just smile and always know that when a door closes, a window is opening. Bullshit, I prefer the door, I can't be trying to get my fat ass out the window, someone is going to get hurt.
AND, don't try and inspire me with all this exercise crap. All that, "if it doesn't hurt, it isn't worth it," or all that finding yourself on the pavement at 5AM stuff. It's Bullshit. You'll find me hitting the snooze alarm at 5AM, but I will have hay in my hair by 5:30AM and THAT is where I find myself. Or the "If it is important, you will find a way. If not, you'll find an excuse." Well, thanks for making me feel like what I want isn't important enough because I didn't go to the gym yesterday. Clearly I am an excuse maker. Clearly, I'll never achieve my dreams. Eff off.
And, here is the topper: "The most important decision you make is to be in a good mood." Well, right there, I'm screwed. That is a lot of pressure every day. I don't know how people do it. I mean, I know people that genuinely seem to be in a good mood...every day. I don't understand, can't imagine it, could not pull it off. And, I know, sure, just because they are smiling doesn't mean their life is perfect, doesn't mean they are happy. Maybe it just means they are "faking it until they make it." I don't know. I'm not that person. I feel what I feel. I'm not good at hiding what I feel.
I'm not saying I don't see the truth in any of these aforementioned quotes, I'm saying I can't seem to get to that place where I believe them or can live them. I think I'm broken. Seriously. I just told Will that the other night as I had a meltdown. Finding the ability to rise above and be content with what I have and not focus on the things I want but cannot seem to achieve is difficult. Being happy with who I am today and not worrying about tomorrow, foreign concept. I look at these abilities that others have as like a super power. These people should wear capes or some sort of super hero outfit that identify them as exceptional human beings with powers of self-realization. I don't know, maybe someday, after extensive therapy, a medication cocktail (did I just spell cocktail right? it doesn't look right...how did that word come about? a beverage doesn't look like a drink or a cock...just more stuff I don't understand), or some shock therapy. I want to be a happier person, but I can't get there. I'm Angry Pony. I don't know how to be anything else.
So, in conclusion, Facebook and Pinterest, kiss my ass. Go self-realize yourself in the worlds perfect carrot cake while having a great hair day, looking cute in some sparkly shoes while organizing your closet with a laundry basket, a curtain rod and some extra gardening string. Go. Be amazing and innovative. You self-less piece of work. I hate your guts. And your cake. And your sparkly shoes. I hope your closet door locks you in.
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