Will woke up early today making some pretty intense noises. I asked him what was wrong. He said he didn't know, but his lower back was killing him. He grunted and groaned and meandered downstairs. I got him hooked up with a heating pad and some Advil and he laid back down for a while. He slept a little longer, but the pain did not go away. I told him we needed to try icing it next or put some Biofreeze on there. I told him to shower first and walk around, maybe that would help. Look at me being a doctor and giving out what is probably bad advice.
Nothing seemed to be helping and he was wandering around the house wimpering. I pulled out my supply of pills from when I had bad sciatic pain. I gave him one and we started an ice regimen on his back. I continued about my day, cleaning the kitchen, putting on a pot of chili and making a list to go to the grocery store. Will decided he wanted to go to the grocery store with me. I was like, dude, you are in no condition to travel. He was insistent. I said, well, it's time for another pill, so he compliantly took one. He went upstairs and tried to get dressed. I hear, "I can't get my underwear on! I can't get my underwear on!" Been there, done that. No bueno. He finally managed to get dressed so, off to the store we went.
We are walking around the grocery store and he seemed like he was still in a lot of pain. Luckily, this was not to be a long trip today, so we found ourselves in the check-out line soon enough. Will is standing there and he says, "I feel kind of wonky..." I looked at him, indeed, he didn't look good. I said, "did you even have lunch yet today?" He admitted he hadn't had anything to eat since breakfast. Crap. I told him to hold on to the shopping cart and look pretty while I put the groceries up on the conveyor belt. He says, "okay, like this?" I turn and look and he is standing there with the craziest expression I have seen. Shit. "Will, stop it, please don't embarrass me." I'm in the middle of getting rang up and Will says he needs to go get an ice tea at Starbucks. I asked him if that was really a good idea, should he really be alone? He assured me he would be fine. I don't feel good about this. I quickly finished with the check out and did not see him anywhere. I saw the Starbucks across the parking lot and thought, crap, did he walk over there? I went and loaded the truck and drove over to the Starbucks. I called him on his cell. "Where are you? Are you in the Starbucks? I'm outside of it." He answers, "Can't you see me? I'm by the doors?" His voice sounds weird. I realized at that moment, he was at the Starbucks INSIDE the grocery store. I told him, "I'll be right there." He insists to just stay put, he is on his way. I look over that way, and here is my man, walking like a drunk John Wayne towards me. Sweet Jesus, what has happened to my husband? I back out and drive over to him. He struggles to get in and he is giggling. Yes, I said giggling. He puts his drink in the drink holder and I just stare at him, "What the hell is a matter with you? Did the pills finally kick in?" He continued to laugh. I told him we needed to get some food in him, so we head over to Jack-in-the Box.
As we are sitting in the drive-thru line, Will continues the comedy act about wanting to order a unicorn. I said, "what the hell is a unicorn?" He says, "you know, you get a Big Cheeseburger and put a taco in the middle, it's a unicorn. I want to ride a unicorn...can I ride a unicorn?" I asked him if his back felt any better since clearly he is out of his mind. He says, "It hurts like hell, but I don't care!!!" and breaks out in hysterical laughter. Oh geez. He is so cut off. I shush him so I can order him his Big Cheeseburger. We get our food and as I drive away, I steal a peek at him. He is sitting there with the goofiest-ass smile I have ever seen just eating his cheeseburger looking out the window. I could not contain myself. I just started laughing. I said, "oh my word, I just want to tie a balloon to your hand and put a stuffed animal under your arm. You look like you should be in a car seat kicking your legs with happiness after going to the zoo or something." I could not stop laughing. It was the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen. This grown man with the expression of a curious toddler eating his burger.
One thing I knew for sure, I needed to get him home for his nap. It was going to be the next phase in this drug induced stupor. I've been through it, I know the signs. When the unicorn ride is over, it's nighty-nite time. I don't know if he is going to be able to function to go to work tomorrow or not, but I am not giving him any more pills cuz I'm not changing his diapers and I fear that is next. I have to draw the line somewhere.
He's on the couch peacefully watching, "My Cousin Vinny" now. His eyes are getting heavy. Mr. Sandman is coming...on a unicorn.
Nothing seemed to be helping and he was wandering around the house wimpering. I pulled out my supply of pills from when I had bad sciatic pain. I gave him one and we started an ice regimen on his back. I continued about my day, cleaning the kitchen, putting on a pot of chili and making a list to go to the grocery store. Will decided he wanted to go to the grocery store with me. I was like, dude, you are in no condition to travel. He was insistent. I said, well, it's time for another pill, so he compliantly took one. He went upstairs and tried to get dressed. I hear, "I can't get my underwear on! I can't get my underwear on!" Been there, done that. No bueno. He finally managed to get dressed so, off to the store we went.
We are walking around the grocery store and he seemed like he was still in a lot of pain. Luckily, this was not to be a long trip today, so we found ourselves in the check-out line soon enough. Will is standing there and he says, "I feel kind of wonky..." I looked at him, indeed, he didn't look good. I said, "did you even have lunch yet today?" He admitted he hadn't had anything to eat since breakfast. Crap. I told him to hold on to the shopping cart and look pretty while I put the groceries up on the conveyor belt. He says, "okay, like this?" I turn and look and he is standing there with the craziest expression I have seen. Shit. "Will, stop it, please don't embarrass me." I'm in the middle of getting rang up and Will says he needs to go get an ice tea at Starbucks. I asked him if that was really a good idea, should he really be alone? He assured me he would be fine. I don't feel good about this. I quickly finished with the check out and did not see him anywhere. I saw the Starbucks across the parking lot and thought, crap, did he walk over there? I went and loaded the truck and drove over to the Starbucks. I called him on his cell. "Where are you? Are you in the Starbucks? I'm outside of it." He answers, "Can't you see me? I'm by the doors?" His voice sounds weird. I realized at that moment, he was at the Starbucks INSIDE the grocery store. I told him, "I'll be right there." He insists to just stay put, he is on his way. I look over that way, and here is my man, walking like a drunk John Wayne towards me. Sweet Jesus, what has happened to my husband? I back out and drive over to him. He struggles to get in and he is giggling. Yes, I said giggling. He puts his drink in the drink holder and I just stare at him, "What the hell is a matter with you? Did the pills finally kick in?" He continued to laugh. I told him we needed to get some food in him, so we head over to Jack-in-the Box.
As we are sitting in the drive-thru line, Will continues the comedy act about wanting to order a unicorn. I said, "what the hell is a unicorn?" He says, "you know, you get a Big Cheeseburger and put a taco in the middle, it's a unicorn. I want to ride a unicorn...can I ride a unicorn?" I asked him if his back felt any better since clearly he is out of his mind. He says, "It hurts like hell, but I don't care!!!" and breaks out in hysterical laughter. Oh geez. He is so cut off. I shush him so I can order him his Big Cheeseburger. We get our food and as I drive away, I steal a peek at him. He is sitting there with the goofiest-ass smile I have ever seen just eating his cheeseburger looking out the window. I could not contain myself. I just started laughing. I said, "oh my word, I just want to tie a balloon to your hand and put a stuffed animal under your arm. You look like you should be in a car seat kicking your legs with happiness after going to the zoo or something." I could not stop laughing. It was the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen. This grown man with the expression of a curious toddler eating his burger.
One thing I knew for sure, I needed to get him home for his nap. It was going to be the next phase in this drug induced stupor. I've been through it, I know the signs. When the unicorn ride is over, it's nighty-nite time. I don't know if he is going to be able to function to go to work tomorrow or not, but I am not giving him any more pills cuz I'm not changing his diapers and I fear that is next. I have to draw the line somewhere.
He's on the couch peacefully watching, "My Cousin Vinny" now. His eyes are getting heavy. Mr. Sandman is coming...on a unicorn.
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