Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Fast Lane Faux Pas

Probably the hardest thing about getting in the groove of going back to work is the traffic.  I freaking hate the people I must share the road with.  Primarily, I hate the people that drive in the fast lane, aka passing lane, and think that it is their God given right to drive in that lane no matter how fast or slow the flow of traffic is and they truly believe that going just under or right at the speed limit is their right. Well, stupid lane hog, I hate your friggin guts.  All week this has happened to me.  Why do people do this?  And why are these asshats allowed to get away with it.  The speed limit is 60mph, which everyone who is anyone knows that really means 65 -70mph.  If you are going to go 59 or 60mph, get your freaking Geo Metro, your old ass station wagon and your stupid soccer Mom mini van out of the passing lane.  You have no right to be there. You know why?  Because YOU ARE NOT PASSING ANYONE!!!  Not only are you not passing anyone, you are blocking everyone.  Do you not see the one mile backup behind you?  Do you not see the frenzied expression on the face of the guy behind you?  You should, because he is riding your ass, flashing his lights and flipping you off. He is probably even banging on the steering wheel.  You are an asshat.  You are a self-involved, mother trucking, sock sucking, ignorant piece of crap.  You are entitled.  You probably grew up with a silver spoon in your mouth.  You probably had cashmere diapers.  You probably nursed off of your mothers tit until you were nine years old and if you have a significant other, chances are, you are all about your own needs and you are selfish lover.  I bet you don't even care if your partner "gets there" when you are having sex and surely you always get there first.  You are a butt munching, liver-lillied, mindless piece of crap.  You know, other people need to get places and YOU are the reason they can't get there.  You are a menace to society.  I wish I could drive a bulldozer that went 75mph so that I could clear the area between my house and my work of all the jackholes like you that create strife in this universe. It would be a public service.  I bet people would pay me to do it. You know what, take a side road if you want to go on your laid back drive.  Leave the freeway to the angry people that need to get to work.  Maybe, just maybe they would be less angry if you weren't on the freeway.  Dumbass.

Anyway, kind of sick of that.  Maybe it is because I was up early and started my day at stupid Walmart pushing a cart full of soda, chips and candy at 7AM.  And then, as I'm trying to reach the candy, what I needed was on the top shelf and it slid back.  I look around and there is this guy stocking a display in the aisleway.  I asked him politely if he would please get that candy for me.  He seemed annoyed.  OH, I'm sorry, Walmart Employee of the Freaking Month, don't bust your ass on my account.  He comes over, eyes my cart and looked at me as if saying, "fat girl, you don't need candy on top of that."  But, he begrudgingly got me the candy.  Dirtbag. I hope you are part time and don't get health insurance.  I get up to the checker and the girl says to me, "Don't you have a vending machine at work?"  What? I looked at her and said, "yes...but we are doing a lunch for 200 people today."  "Oh," she says.  Well, glad we got that cleared up. 

It also should be mentioned that when I went in to Walmart, it was not raining.  When I came out, it was a downpour.  So glad I spent time on my hair.  By the time I got to work, parked, went in, got a cart, came back out and loaded all the crap and pushed it in, I pretty much looked and smelled like a man's armpit.  Way to start the day.  I just love a center celebration day.  On the upside, everyone seemed to love the sandwiches and chip selection, so gold star for me for pulling off a successful lunch.  However, back on the downside, when it was time for the "treat trolley" to go around with all the candy I bought, I wanted some, bad.  Oh, but lucky me, I brought a Skinny Cow chocolate treat so I wouldn't be tempted to eat the full strength crap.  Let me just be clear about Skinny Cow products, however.  Those bastards aren't fooling anyone.  Those damn things are not "diet food."  I'm not going to become a skinny cow by eating them.  I'm on to you, you marketing bastards.  Yeah, it was half the calories of a candy bar, but bitch, please, you aren't fooling anyone.  I think the reason it is half the calories is that it is half the size.  Skinny Cow, indeed.

Well, I guess that is all the ranting for tonight.  I have to gear up for Valentine's day tomorrow.  Another day of activities at work and a center-wide potluck.  I will be surrounded by sugar and fat.  I'm sure my celery and peanut butter will tide me over.  I'm positive that will work.


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