Progress report: I think I am on the mend. I have been cleared to have liquids now. I'm on a broth, Jell-O and popsicle diet right now and will move to "full liquids" tomorrow. Full liquids being like, yogurt, pudding and protein shakes. I'll do that for like a week. I'm not going to lie, I want "real food" so bad I can hardly stand it. Will made hamburgers last night and I pinched a little piece off and chewed it. It was heaven. Then, I spit it out because I'm not allowed to have that yet. It was more magical than licking saltines! I am also getting weaned off of my IV feeding over the next 6 days. I'm on half rations and only have to wear it for 12 hours at a time now. This is very exciting that I am able to walk around without the "short bus backpack." I should also start to see some weight loss now that I am getting off the IV, which is good, because you know, that is why I went through this whole ordeal in the first place. Being kept hostage with IV fat calories was not in my plans.
On Wednesday of this upcoming week, I also get to have my drain tubes taken out of my belly. I can't even express how happy I am about that. Having these two grenade like clear balls pinned to your waistband is a little gross when you go in public. People look at you like you could be the link to some bio-hazard that is going to kill us all. It's just a little gut fluid, come on, pull it together. I try and poke them up under my sweatshirts, but inevitably, they fall out. I thought about stuffing them into my bra, but if they come uncorked, like they sometimes do, then it is going to look like I'm lactating profusely. Anyway, yesterday, as I was taking my luxurious sponge bath, I pulled all the bandages off my incisions. Let's just say, between my original surgery to put the lap band in, the surgery to take it out and now the surgery to do the sleeve, I look like a cutter. One day I'm going to connect all the scars and see if it makes a fun animal or object, and if it does, maybe I will tattoo it. What is most disturbing is that the incision from the lap band removal that kept exploding has now formed into a second belly button. There is this line and then it drops down into this little hole. I didn't ask for this. Having a second belly button is NOT sexy. The IV nurse said to me yesterday, "Is your belly button really all the way over there?" I looked at her and said, "no, that is my scar." Thanks, IV nurse. Like I wasn't feeling self-conscious enough. I mean, it isn't like I'm going to run out and buy a bikini, but seriously, this is not cool. It's like I'm a case of soda where you punch the two holes in and pick it up with two fingers. I don't want anyone trying to pick me up like that. You don't know, it could happen.
Anyway, that is my update. It's also been several days since I've needed Depends, which is also excellent news. I think I might be in the clear again. I mean, I'm not going to run around farting and showing off or anything, but I feel things may be better in that department.
Here's hoping I have something more exciting to report next time.
On Wednesday of this upcoming week, I also get to have my drain tubes taken out of my belly. I can't even express how happy I am about that. Having these two grenade like clear balls pinned to your waistband is a little gross when you go in public. People look at you like you could be the link to some bio-hazard that is going to kill us all. It's just a little gut fluid, come on, pull it together. I try and poke them up under my sweatshirts, but inevitably, they fall out. I thought about stuffing them into my bra, but if they come uncorked, like they sometimes do, then it is going to look like I'm lactating profusely. Anyway, yesterday, as I was taking my luxurious sponge bath, I pulled all the bandages off my incisions. Let's just say, between my original surgery to put the lap band in, the surgery to take it out and now the surgery to do the sleeve, I look like a cutter. One day I'm going to connect all the scars and see if it makes a fun animal or object, and if it does, maybe I will tattoo it. What is most disturbing is that the incision from the lap band removal that kept exploding has now formed into a second belly button. There is this line and then it drops down into this little hole. I didn't ask for this. Having a second belly button is NOT sexy. The IV nurse said to me yesterday, "Is your belly button really all the way over there?" I looked at her and said, "no, that is my scar." Thanks, IV nurse. Like I wasn't feeling self-conscious enough. I mean, it isn't like I'm going to run out and buy a bikini, but seriously, this is not cool. It's like I'm a case of soda where you punch the two holes in and pick it up with two fingers. I don't want anyone trying to pick me up like that. You don't know, it could happen.
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| Second Bellybutton, it's real. You can't tell from this picture what the depth is, but it dips down considerably. |
Here's hoping I have something more exciting to report next time.
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