It was my first day back after my week long vacation. Not a fun day. It started at 3AM when my good dog Spanky was wimpering. He had the last week to wake up whimpering when I could have cared less and gone back to bed and slept for hours, but no, on this morning, he needed outside at exactly 3AM. I let him outside, forced the other two out of bed and then waited. Apparently, the 3AM yard patrol was more thorough than most mornings, because it took them forever to return to the door. I put them back away and returned to my bed. Do you think I could go back to sleep? No. I was awake to hear Will's alarm clock go off at 3:30AM, 3:37AM, 3:44AM and again at 3:51AM. Apparently he didn't want to get up either as I laid there and listened to him hit the snooze alarm all four times.
Finally, Will got up, got ready for work and left. Spanky came up and got into bed assuming the man of the house spot. We spooned and both of us finally fell back asleep. I'm sure he was thinking about whether or not he should lick his butt and I was thinking about what I should wear. We both succumbed to the darkness and slept until my alarm went off at 5:15AM, again at 5:22AM, again at 5:29AM and then again at 5:36AM. I finally got up an went about my morning routine. It was going to be a drag-ass kind of day.
I arrived at work and Life Coach Barbie was waiting close to my desk, "Good Morning!!! Welcome back!!!" She was all jacked up and perky. I hate that. I mumbled good morning back to her. She says, "Now come on, don't be grumpy. Why would you be grumpy, you just had vacation!" I wanted to stuff her into a drawer. I said, "I'm not grumpy." She pressed on, "Did you bring your shoes so we can walk today?" I said, "Nope." She said, "Well, what size are your feet, we'll find some." I said, "I'm not walking today." She was on dangerous ground and pressed on, "Stop being grumpy and negative." I repeated, "I am not being grumpy, I am being factual, we are not walking today." You couldn't bring her down, "Ok, well make sure you bring them tomorrow!" I had shoes down in my gym locker, but I sure as hell wasn't giving her that information. She asked if I had written in my journal while on vacation. I said, "Nope." She asked why not. I said, "Aren't I supposed to write down three positive things I did to contribute to making my weight loss goal?" She agreed, that was the plan. I continued, "So, yeah, I didn't journal." She continued on with some sort of positive rambling and I just said, "uh-huh" and went about the business of settling in.
Shortly after our inspirational start to the day, there was a crisis at the glass palace. A "rat" had crawled on to one of those sticky pad mouse traps and died, probably over the weekend. No one would touch it. Life Coach Barbie asked Pansy Boy to go dispose of it. Pansy Boy wasn't going to do it. He required gloves or he wasn't going near it. Life Coach Barbie was at a loss. I said, "Are you sure this is a rat? It is probably just a little mouse. "Well, Pigtail Friday Girl said it was a rat." I couldn't take it anymore. We were moments from calling in some sort of SWAT team or hazardous materials specialist when I said, "I'll do it. I'm a farmgirl, it isn't like I haven't ever seen a dead animal." I go over there wondering where in my job description it mentioned anything about rodent disposal. I'm adding this to my third quarter accomplishments for my year-end review. I arrive at Pigtail Friday Girl's desk and ask where this humongous rat is and she grimmaces and points to the corner. I look over and there it is, a baby mouse, maybe two inches at full length. It was in the middle of the sticky pad, so I picked up the edge of the sticky pad and hauled it off the the garbage. All I could think is that some man had convinced Pigtail Friday Girl what "big" was and really did her a disservice.
I returned to my desk and went about my day. My boss had been missing for some time and finally re-appeared. Apparently he had been off on the edge of the property checking out what could be some sort of homeless people cemetery. The last several years the homeless have been taking over around where I work. Apparently there was some sort of bum-gang-brawl in the parking lot last week and now this discovery. Creepy. One night I fully expect to go out to my truck and find some guys sleeping in the bed of it.
Anyway, I had a variety of issues come up during the day. No Email Girl came up and told me her email wasn't working. I did what I believe would fix the problem and then sent an email out to the entire distro. But wait, I'm smart. In the subject line I typed, "Test for No Email Girl ONLY. No Email Girl if you get this, plz respond...everyone else, remain calm." See, this way, I won't get 250 responses. No Email Girl will be the only one. And then it started. An email from Dudley Dumbass comes in, "Got it." I responded back, "so YOUR name is No Email Girl?" I couldn't help it. Then my Nakie friend responded, I sent her a reply that said, "Are you KIDDING ME?! Is YOUR name No Email Girl?" No one reads emails. It kills me. I called a couple of other people stupid and then the problem seemed to stop. My work here is done. The good news is, I fixed No Email Girl's problem.
The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. I hadn't worn a bra or FCD for a week, so I was growing irritated, but still, not to a hostage level. I had some chocolate. I hadn't had Dove chocolate for a week and now, after grazing on it, I felt sick to my stomach. Somewhere, Life Coach Barbie just got goosebumps. She just felt a victory and she doesn't even know why. I'm not telling her. Don't you do it either.
Finally, Will got up, got ready for work and left. Spanky came up and got into bed assuming the man of the house spot. We spooned and both of us finally fell back asleep. I'm sure he was thinking about whether or not he should lick his butt and I was thinking about what I should wear. We both succumbed to the darkness and slept until my alarm went off at 5:15AM, again at 5:22AM, again at 5:29AM and then again at 5:36AM. I finally got up an went about my morning routine. It was going to be a drag-ass kind of day.
I arrived at work and Life Coach Barbie was waiting close to my desk, "Good Morning!!! Welcome back!!!" She was all jacked up and perky. I hate that. I mumbled good morning back to her. She says, "Now come on, don't be grumpy. Why would you be grumpy, you just had vacation!" I wanted to stuff her into a drawer. I said, "I'm not grumpy." She pressed on, "Did you bring your shoes so we can walk today?" I said, "Nope." She said, "Well, what size are your feet, we'll find some." I said, "I'm not walking today." She was on dangerous ground and pressed on, "Stop being grumpy and negative." I repeated, "I am not being grumpy, I am being factual, we are not walking today." You couldn't bring her down, "Ok, well make sure you bring them tomorrow!" I had shoes down in my gym locker, but I sure as hell wasn't giving her that information. She asked if I had written in my journal while on vacation. I said, "Nope." She asked why not. I said, "Aren't I supposed to write down three positive things I did to contribute to making my weight loss goal?" She agreed, that was the plan. I continued, "So, yeah, I didn't journal." She continued on with some sort of positive rambling and I just said, "uh-huh" and went about the business of settling in.
Shortly after our inspirational start to the day, there was a crisis at the glass palace. A "rat" had crawled on to one of those sticky pad mouse traps and died, probably over the weekend. No one would touch it. Life Coach Barbie asked Pansy Boy to go dispose of it. Pansy Boy wasn't going to do it. He required gloves or he wasn't going near it. Life Coach Barbie was at a loss. I said, "Are you sure this is a rat? It is probably just a little mouse. "Well, Pigtail Friday Girl said it was a rat." I couldn't take it anymore. We were moments from calling in some sort of SWAT team or hazardous materials specialist when I said, "I'll do it. I'm a farmgirl, it isn't like I haven't ever seen a dead animal." I go over there wondering where in my job description it mentioned anything about rodent disposal. I'm adding this to my third quarter accomplishments for my year-end review. I arrive at Pigtail Friday Girl's desk and ask where this humongous rat is and she grimmaces and points to the corner. I look over and there it is, a baby mouse, maybe two inches at full length. It was in the middle of the sticky pad, so I picked up the edge of the sticky pad and hauled it off the the garbage. All I could think is that some man had convinced Pigtail Friday Girl what "big" was and really did her a disservice.
I returned to my desk and went about my day. My boss had been missing for some time and finally re-appeared. Apparently he had been off on the edge of the property checking out what could be some sort of homeless people cemetery. The last several years the homeless have been taking over around where I work. Apparently there was some sort of bum-gang-brawl in the parking lot last week and now this discovery. Creepy. One night I fully expect to go out to my truck and find some guys sleeping in the bed of it.
Anyway, I had a variety of issues come up during the day. No Email Girl came up and told me her email wasn't working. I did what I believe would fix the problem and then sent an email out to the entire distro. But wait, I'm smart. In the subject line I typed, "Test for No Email Girl ONLY. No Email Girl if you get this, plz respond...everyone else, remain calm." See, this way, I won't get 250 responses. No Email Girl will be the only one. And then it started. An email from Dudley Dumbass comes in, "Got it." I responded back, "so YOUR name is No Email Girl?" I couldn't help it. Then my Nakie friend responded, I sent her a reply that said, "Are you KIDDING ME?! Is YOUR name No Email Girl?" No one reads emails. It kills me. I called a couple of other people stupid and then the problem seemed to stop. My work here is done. The good news is, I fixed No Email Girl's problem.
The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. I hadn't worn a bra or FCD for a week, so I was growing irritated, but still, not to a hostage level. I had some chocolate. I hadn't had Dove chocolate for a week and now, after grazing on it, I felt sick to my stomach. Somewhere, Life Coach Barbie just got goosebumps. She just felt a victory and she doesn't even know why. I'm not telling her. Don't you do it either.
Yeah, let's not tell him. LOL
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