Today, I had to cut Dr. Feel Good loose. I called Dr. Feel Good and left a message telling her I had to break up with her. I told her it wasn't personal, but that I didn't feel our personalities meshed well. I guess that is kind of personal, oh well, woops. Between her having the body of a stick bug and all the awkward silences, I couldn't take it anymore. I have now found a new therapist. I can't "blog name" her yet as I have only seen her twice and I get the feeling her name will come in good time. So far, I like her. She doesn't look at my belly, she doesn't get that look on her face when I talk about that Haagen Das ice cream bar I ate yesterday, and she doesn't force me through awkward silences.
During today's session, we talked about my core beliefs. Turns out, my core beliefs suck and mirror those of Eeyore. This isn't a new revelation, but grim news nonetheless. I need to change those core beliefs. This is going to take time. I told the new therapist about Life Coach Barbie and her plan to "fix" me. Life Coach Barbie wants me to journal about all the positives and talk positive and all that crap. So far, the journal is empty. According to the new therapist, there are a few steps in between and it will be more of a gradual change.
All this got me to thinking, maybe I don't need to do all this soul searching. Maybe I just need to cut through the crap. The therapist says I need to change my core belief and Life Coach Barbie is banking on that I can do it right now, so, here is what I came up with on the way home.
Seriously, if I believe it and think positive, it will happen. I just have to BELIEVE it. It's that simple. All these years I have been thinking that I needed the perfect storm, but I was wrong. I just have to convince myself and be positive about it. For example, "This cheeseburger sure is yummy, isn't it wonderful that it isn't going to adhere to my ass?" Believe it, that's all.
And, I will journal about positive things every day. For example, "I had a great time doing expense reports!" "I loved it when I started my period today, isn't the physiology of a woman's body wonderful? Isn't shedding your old uterus every month a gift from God?" "I can't believe how my boss told me at lunch time that we needed 50 pizza's right away to feed the center, why, I am so fortunate to have been there to feed the hungry." "Wow, look at that crap stain on the toilet, isn't it wonderful that person's bowels are moving and they are not constipated?" " Isn't it great news that social security will be gone by the time I retire? I'm going to love building a home from cardboard and getting health care from Crazy Dr. Ed out back behind the mission hall. What exciting changes!"
This is all I have to do. I can do this, right? I can change my core belief that I am going to die fat, in a pair of Spanx bent over the counter at Baskin Robbins, right? Why didn't I think of this before. I can't wait to start my journal!
I don't know, maybe I should see my therapist a few more times before I commit to anything. Crap, there goes Eeyore again. Maybe skipping steps in this process isn't going to work. No, refer back to steps one through four. I can do this. I can haz cheezburger!
During today's session, we talked about my core beliefs. Turns out, my core beliefs suck and mirror those of Eeyore. This isn't a new revelation, but grim news nonetheless. I need to change those core beliefs. This is going to take time. I told the new therapist about Life Coach Barbie and her plan to "fix" me. Life Coach Barbie wants me to journal about all the positives and talk positive and all that crap. So far, the journal is empty. According to the new therapist, there are a few steps in between and it will be more of a gradual change.
All this got me to thinking, maybe I don't need to do all this soul searching. Maybe I just need to cut through the crap. The therapist says I need to change my core belief and Life Coach Barbie is banking on that I can do it right now, so, here is what I came up with on the way home.
- First step, severe shock therapy. I mean, shock the crap out of me. Put one of those dog collars on me and if I even say one thing negative, shock me until I piss myself.
- Second step, convince myself that I will be successful, no matter what. Why entertain the idea that I might not succeed? Why question the methods? I will just know I will achieve it.
- Third step, create a meal plan. Breakfast, donut & hot chocolate. Lunch, corn dog and Mountain Dew, Dinner, Cheeseburger, Fries, Coke and for desert, apple pie ala mode.
- Fourth step, exercise. Surfing channels on TV.
Seriously, if I believe it and think positive, it will happen. I just have to BELIEVE it. It's that simple. All these years I have been thinking that I needed the perfect storm, but I was wrong. I just have to convince myself and be positive about it. For example, "This cheeseburger sure is yummy, isn't it wonderful that it isn't going to adhere to my ass?" Believe it, that's all.
And, I will journal about positive things every day. For example, "I had a great time doing expense reports!" "I loved it when I started my period today, isn't the physiology of a woman's body wonderful? Isn't shedding your old uterus every month a gift from God?" "I can't believe how my boss told me at lunch time that we needed 50 pizza's right away to feed the center, why, I am so fortunate to have been there to feed the hungry." "Wow, look at that crap stain on the toilet, isn't it wonderful that person's bowels are moving and they are not constipated?" " Isn't it great news that social security will be gone by the time I retire? I'm going to love building a home from cardboard and getting health care from Crazy Dr. Ed out back behind the mission hall. What exciting changes!"
This is all I have to do. I can do this, right? I can change my core belief that I am going to die fat, in a pair of Spanx bent over the counter at Baskin Robbins, right? Why didn't I think of this before. I can't wait to start my journal!
I don't know, maybe I should see my therapist a few more times before I commit to anything. Crap, there goes Eeyore again. Maybe skipping steps in this process isn't going to work. No, refer back to steps one through four. I can do this. I can haz cheezburger!
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