Today was another day of new starts. I have been trying to cut sugar back out of my life. I was semi-successful yesterday and was not only going to give it a go again today, but was also planning on getting to the gym. I have not been for a few weeks as I allow my body to simmer down and stop hurting. Hips have been under control and my shoulders have been back to normal. Normal meaning that they still cause me pain here and there, but I can deal with it.
I walked into the Glass Palace in a comfy summer-ish dress, completely allowing me to focus on comfort, not an FCD cutting me in half, and inner Zen. I went and got my water and returned to sit down at my desk to get some shit done. Cross Fit Crazy comes walking up and puts his hand out. It has a "fun size" Twix and a mini Snickers. I stared at it. He looked at me and said, "Oh, or are you not doing that? Should I not offer?" I continued to stare at his hand. It was just a baby Twix. I took it and he says, "what? you don't want the Snickers?" I said, "I thought you were offering me the pick of the two and the other was for you?" "No," he says, "I brought these for you...these are mine." He holds out his other hand full of candy, which was essentially a fist full of sugar. Sigh. It's only 8:30am and I have already violated my new start. Cross Fit is cutting soda out of his life, so he has substituted it with candy, apparently. This is not working in my favor.
Undeterred with my "fresh start" road bump, I continued on. As I worked diligently on my project, I get an email from Ass Kicker. He wants to know how I'm doing and when I'm coming back. Ironic that he would choose today to reach out to me. I think Ass Kicker and I are connected. We have a bond. I finished up what I was doing just in time to make it to the gym at my normal time. I went down and Ass Kicker was there, but otherwise engaged with someone else, so I started with the elliptical machine. My legs hated my guts. All that strength I had built up was still there, I think, but it was sleeping. Key word here is "was." My legs, now awake continued to burn a little, but I ignored it and pressed on. I finished and went into the aerobics room and grabbed a kettle bell to do some strength training. Did a little circuit and repeated it. Ass Kicker comes in and I inform him that I have not been hurting at all since I stopped working out. He said, "well, that tells me a story right there. I think we were too ambitious. If I were you, I would focus on cardio and mobility exercises." What?? I'm not a baby, I'm an athlete! I'm not going to do sissy work-outs. This is bullshit. Do you see the sweat on this face? This messed up hair? Are you punking me? You created an athlete! You can't change that. I don't want to be a geriatric touching my finger to my nose and marching in place. I looked at him and said, "Well, while I see your point, I already did the elliptical, kettle bell, those strappy things, wall pulls, those stretchy cord things over there and some ab work." He says, "oh,....well, I guess let's see how you feel tomorrow." He's not the boss of me. I'm an athlete. A fat one, but an athlete. I need to get my abs back...you know, the baby ones I was creating.
I finished up, cleaned up and headed back up to my desk. As I started down that long hallway, there it was, that pain in my ass/hip. I hadn't felt it in weeks, and there it was, my close friend, pain. Mother-Good-Bob-Damn-Trucker. Why in the fuck did I go to all those doctors a month or so ago? None of them helped me, none of them know what is going on or causing it. Angry, I walked back to my desk and considered my options. I could give up and just try and lose weight without exercising, you know, starve myself, lick lettuce and sniff carrots, I could try the doctors again, or I can freaking Pony Up and work through the pain. Clearly, like every other freaking thing in my life, this, too is going to be hard. Fuck-it Pony to the rescue. This is bullshit, we are working out. We will learn to live in pain. Decision made.
I sat at my desk eating lunch and Valerina came to see me. I was venting about the gym drama when all the sudden, I felt a presence. I turn around and Cross Fit is behind me with his lunch all laid out on the desk and he is making his lunch, you know, taking the pasta out of one container, putting it onto a plate, getting some other sauce stuff from another container, some shrimp... I turned around and said, "What are you doing? This is not the freaking kitchen! This is my desk." Completely undeterred, he says, "I know, but I just want to be near you. I just feel like I need to be." I look at Valerina, she looks at me, we exchange looks. She is ready to bust a gut laughing and leaves. I called out, "Don't go!" Cross Fit just laughs, finishes up and finally retreats to his office. I send Valerie an instant message, "why are people strangely drawn to me? It's creepy." She doesn't know either. I guess this is what happens when I tell my boss I'm looking into another job. It's almost like he is a cat rubbing on my leg to mark his territory. Amusing, yet disturbing. I hope I don't get any hair stuck to my dress. I guess crazy begets crazy.
The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. The usual administrative hilarity ensued. I had to clean up after other people that were naughty and then I had to send an email that was a reprimand, I got to research our new summer-themed decorations, at which time it was pointed out to me that summer is almost over. I got to basically hold down the fort in the usual ways. I had a conversation in the hallway about why the women of the palace can't stop peeing all over the seats. You know, a typical day. The good news is, it's been over a week and no reports of shit, puke or blood. It's like a vacation from bio-hazard and don't think I haven't been enjoying it.
I arrived home tonight and Shark Bait is waiting for me. He's hot and tired, but he is being all affectionate and keeps telling me he loves me. Now paranoid from earlier events in the day, I say, "what's going on? why are you being so affectionate?" I'm saying this as he is kissing me on the top of my head while I am trying to eat the dinner I just made. Am I putting out pheromones? I mean, I did marry the guy and I'm glad he loves me, but something is up...I wonder if he bought a gun? I'll have to check into that later.
Well, I have to wrap this up, my dog needs attention now...and the horses are hungry...dishes need to be done...you know, Shark Bait, you know what is really a great type of affection...? Doing the dishes to show your love...Shark Bait?
I walked into the Glass Palace in a comfy summer-ish dress, completely allowing me to focus on comfort, not an FCD cutting me in half, and inner Zen. I went and got my water and returned to sit down at my desk to get some shit done. Cross Fit Crazy comes walking up and puts his hand out. It has a "fun size" Twix and a mini Snickers. I stared at it. He looked at me and said, "Oh, or are you not doing that? Should I not offer?" I continued to stare at his hand. It was just a baby Twix. I took it and he says, "what? you don't want the Snickers?" I said, "I thought you were offering me the pick of the two and the other was for you?" "No," he says, "I brought these for you...these are mine." He holds out his other hand full of candy, which was essentially a fist full of sugar. Sigh. It's only 8:30am and I have already violated my new start. Cross Fit is cutting soda out of his life, so he has substituted it with candy, apparently. This is not working in my favor.
Undeterred with my "fresh start" road bump, I continued on. As I worked diligently on my project, I get an email from Ass Kicker. He wants to know how I'm doing and when I'm coming back. Ironic that he would choose today to reach out to me. I think Ass Kicker and I are connected. We have a bond. I finished up what I was doing just in time to make it to the gym at my normal time. I went down and Ass Kicker was there, but otherwise engaged with someone else, so I started with the elliptical machine. My legs hated my guts. All that strength I had built up was still there, I think, but it was sleeping. Key word here is "was." My legs, now awake continued to burn a little, but I ignored it and pressed on. I finished and went into the aerobics room and grabbed a kettle bell to do some strength training. Did a little circuit and repeated it. Ass Kicker comes in and I inform him that I have not been hurting at all since I stopped working out. He said, "well, that tells me a story right there. I think we were too ambitious. If I were you, I would focus on cardio and mobility exercises." What?? I'm not a baby, I'm an athlete! I'm not going to do sissy work-outs. This is bullshit. Do you see the sweat on this face? This messed up hair? Are you punking me? You created an athlete! You can't change that. I don't want to be a geriatric touching my finger to my nose and marching in place. I looked at him and said, "Well, while I see your point, I already did the elliptical, kettle bell, those strappy things, wall pulls, those stretchy cord things over there and some ab work." He says, "oh,....well, I guess let's see how you feel tomorrow." He's not the boss of me. I'm an athlete. A fat one, but an athlete. I need to get my abs back...you know, the baby ones I was creating.
I finished up, cleaned up and headed back up to my desk. As I started down that long hallway, there it was, that pain in my ass/hip. I hadn't felt it in weeks, and there it was, my close friend, pain. Mother-Good-Bob-Damn-Trucker. Why in the fuck did I go to all those doctors a month or so ago? None of them helped me, none of them know what is going on or causing it. Angry, I walked back to my desk and considered my options. I could give up and just try and lose weight without exercising, you know, starve myself, lick lettuce and sniff carrots, I could try the doctors again, or I can freaking Pony Up and work through the pain. Clearly, like every other freaking thing in my life, this, too is going to be hard. Fuck-it Pony to the rescue. This is bullshit, we are working out. We will learn to live in pain. Decision made.
I sat at my desk eating lunch and Valerina came to see me. I was venting about the gym drama when all the sudden, I felt a presence. I turn around and Cross Fit is behind me with his lunch all laid out on the desk and he is making his lunch, you know, taking the pasta out of one container, putting it onto a plate, getting some other sauce stuff from another container, some shrimp... I turned around and said, "What are you doing? This is not the freaking kitchen! This is my desk." Completely undeterred, he says, "I know, but I just want to be near you. I just feel like I need to be." I look at Valerina, she looks at me, we exchange looks. She is ready to bust a gut laughing and leaves. I called out, "Don't go!" Cross Fit just laughs, finishes up and finally retreats to his office. I send Valerie an instant message, "why are people strangely drawn to me? It's creepy." She doesn't know either. I guess this is what happens when I tell my boss I'm looking into another job. It's almost like he is a cat rubbing on my leg to mark his territory. Amusing, yet disturbing. I hope I don't get any hair stuck to my dress. I guess crazy begets crazy.
The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. The usual administrative hilarity ensued. I had to clean up after other people that were naughty and then I had to send an email that was a reprimand, I got to research our new summer-themed decorations, at which time it was pointed out to me that summer is almost over. I got to basically hold down the fort in the usual ways. I had a conversation in the hallway about why the women of the palace can't stop peeing all over the seats. You know, a typical day. The good news is, it's been over a week and no reports of shit, puke or blood. It's like a vacation from bio-hazard and don't think I haven't been enjoying it.
I arrived home tonight and Shark Bait is waiting for me. He's hot and tired, but he is being all affectionate and keeps telling me he loves me. Now paranoid from earlier events in the day, I say, "what's going on? why are you being so affectionate?" I'm saying this as he is kissing me on the top of my head while I am trying to eat the dinner I just made. Am I putting out pheromones? I mean, I did marry the guy and I'm glad he loves me, but something is up...I wonder if he bought a gun? I'll have to check into that later.
Well, I have to wrap this up, my dog needs attention now...and the horses are hungry...dishes need to be done...you know, Shark Bait, you know what is really a great type of affection...? Doing the dishes to show your love...Shark Bait?
No comments:
Post a Comment