It was a very exciting day today at the Glass Palace. It was "shorts day." That's right. We went rogue against the dress code and told the masses they could wear shorts. I sent out the disclaimer about what people could and could not wear. I, personally, opted to not partake. These legs...they were just not made for shorts. It was such a vast departure from my normal attire, I just couldn't bring myself to leave the house like that.
Upon arriving at work, I was messaged by Stiletto Barbie. She sent me a link to a blog that was talking about how hot it was and how the blogger was having a hard time wearing underwear as a result. She didn't like thong's, but she came across something called a "C-string" that might solve the underwear issue.
Now, I don't really want to steal anyone's blog material, but I cannot stay quiet about this. I must put my two cents in. I don't know what fresh hell this is, but why in the frick would you even bother? What is this thing doing for you? It's bling for your vagina, from what I can tell. I can't count the number of times I've thought, wouldn't my vajayjay look so cute with a lace hat? Oh, and you get the bonus of a string poked up your butt. I think I finally know why some girls walk around with that disgusted look on their face all the time. They probably have lace that has worked it's way inside their hoo-ha and a string up their butt. I mean, I just don't understand. When you go to the bathroom, do you take it off and put it on your head like a headband for safe keeping while you pee? How do you know if your "underwear" has shifted? How do you know when it is time to give that string a tug and re-adjust? I have more questions than answers and I have to say, I'm just not willing to find out.
Not long after I was baffled by crotch fashion, I get another instant message from another friend. This time, it's not a blog, this time it is a full-on picture of a girl wearing the C-string. WHOA. I closed my screen quickly. I didn't need that cropping up if "big brother" ever checks my PC. Why is everyone showing me crotch wear? Do I have noticeable panty lines? Do they want me to be on the edge of fashion? The only thing I'd be on the edge of is an infection or taking hostages because something is up my ass.
Speaking of stuff up my ass, not to over-share (do I really need to say that anymore?), but I did have a small bug bite of some sort on the inner, lower cheek of where cheek meets my leg, where my underwear line was. It was itching like nothing I have ever experienced. I'm standing there talking to to Ambular and Valerina and I keep shifting weight from side to side, because as I do, my jeans rub across it, thusly, scratching it. Maybe if I had been wearing the C-string, I wouldn't be having these problems. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore, off to the sanctuary of the bathroom I went. I ripped those pants down, assumed kind of a "this plane is going down, grab your ankles" position and was able to get my hand to where the irritation was. I scratched with abandon. It was almost surreal. I'd never had this kind of pleasure in stall number two. I walked out of there and felt like I might need a cigarette. I mean, how in the hell did I get a bite there anyway? My mind considered a spider did it. I immediately got that out of my mind. I didn't want to think about a spider checking out the vast valley of my ass or my cheeks while I was sleeping or at any other time. Maybe it was a mosquito bite from laying on top of the covers on that very hot night last night? Anyway, I hoped my few moments of heavenly scratching in stall number two would take care of the problem and I would not find myself rubbing all over any desk edge I came to.
The rest of the day was kind of a blur, honestly. I sent out a bunch of emails, handed out ice cream to everyone in the center, did some admin stuff, tortured the new supervisor a little. It's cute when they are new, young and impressionable and a little bit scared of me. It's been a while since I got fresh blood. This could be fun for a while. I like to look at him, hold the admin death glare for just a moment and then speak slowly about what he needs to do. I like to think he pees himself just a little each time. It comforts me in these tough times.
I went to leave the Palace tonight and Cross Fit comes out of the office. He says, "I feel like I want to hug you, like I need to hug you. Seriously." I looked at him and blinked...slow blinked, if you will. I said, "why?" He explained that he couldn't explain it, he just really needed to hug me. I must have been putting off the vibe again. Dammit. I wish I could control the vibe. I could tell he wasn't going to go until he got his hug. I said, "Bring it in." When it was over, I said, "no more than one a week, okay? I can't have people seeing me being huggy." I'm sorry, it's a risk I'm not willing to take. Pretty soon everyone will want one. No. I will not allow it.
I managed to get home tonight, but of course, not without incident. A stupid duck decided to cross three lanes of the freeway. After slamming on the brakes, I missed him narrowly. He seemed unaffected by the miracle he had just been a part of, like he was playing chicken...like his duck friends had dared him. Like they said, "I'll double dog dare you." And he did. He showed them. Duck punks, who's the bitch now? Makes me think I should double dog dare people to hug me and then give them my admin death glare...and then give them a C-string and tell them if they can wear it for 8 hours, I'll hug them then. But only after they had really, really, really washed their hands. On that note, I think that is enough about vaginas, hugging and ducks.
That's a wrap.
Upon arriving at work, I was messaged by Stiletto Barbie. She sent me a link to a blog that was talking about how hot it was and how the blogger was having a hard time wearing underwear as a result. She didn't like thong's, but she came across something called a "C-string" that might solve the underwear issue.
 | ||
| C-String "underwear" |
Not long after I was baffled by crotch fashion, I get another instant message from another friend. This time, it's not a blog, this time it is a full-on picture of a girl wearing the C-string. WHOA. I closed my screen quickly. I didn't need that cropping up if "big brother" ever checks my PC. Why is everyone showing me crotch wear? Do I have noticeable panty lines? Do they want me to be on the edge of fashion? The only thing I'd be on the edge of is an infection or taking hostages because something is up my ass.
Speaking of stuff up my ass, not to over-share (do I really need to say that anymore?), but I did have a small bug bite of some sort on the inner, lower cheek of where cheek meets my leg, where my underwear line was. It was itching like nothing I have ever experienced. I'm standing there talking to to Ambular and Valerina and I keep shifting weight from side to side, because as I do, my jeans rub across it, thusly, scratching it. Maybe if I had been wearing the C-string, I wouldn't be having these problems. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore, off to the sanctuary of the bathroom I went. I ripped those pants down, assumed kind of a "this plane is going down, grab your ankles" position and was able to get my hand to where the irritation was. I scratched with abandon. It was almost surreal. I'd never had this kind of pleasure in stall number two. I walked out of there and felt like I might need a cigarette. I mean, how in the hell did I get a bite there anyway? My mind considered a spider did it. I immediately got that out of my mind. I didn't want to think about a spider checking out the vast valley of my ass or my cheeks while I was sleeping or at any other time. Maybe it was a mosquito bite from laying on top of the covers on that very hot night last night? Anyway, I hoped my few moments of heavenly scratching in stall number two would take care of the problem and I would not find myself rubbing all over any desk edge I came to.
The rest of the day was kind of a blur, honestly. I sent out a bunch of emails, handed out ice cream to everyone in the center, did some admin stuff, tortured the new supervisor a little. It's cute when they are new, young and impressionable and a little bit scared of me. It's been a while since I got fresh blood. This could be fun for a while. I like to look at him, hold the admin death glare for just a moment and then speak slowly about what he needs to do. I like to think he pees himself just a little each time. It comforts me in these tough times.
I went to leave the Palace tonight and Cross Fit comes out of the office. He says, "I feel like I want to hug you, like I need to hug you. Seriously." I looked at him and blinked...slow blinked, if you will. I said, "why?" He explained that he couldn't explain it, he just really needed to hug me. I must have been putting off the vibe again. Dammit. I wish I could control the vibe. I could tell he wasn't going to go until he got his hug. I said, "Bring it in." When it was over, I said, "no more than one a week, okay? I can't have people seeing me being huggy." I'm sorry, it's a risk I'm not willing to take. Pretty soon everyone will want one. No. I will not allow it.
I managed to get home tonight, but of course, not without incident. A stupid duck decided to cross three lanes of the freeway. After slamming on the brakes, I missed him narrowly. He seemed unaffected by the miracle he had just been a part of, like he was playing chicken...like his duck friends had dared him. Like they said, "I'll double dog dare you." And he did. He showed them. Duck punks, who's the bitch now? Makes me think I should double dog dare people to hug me and then give them my admin death glare...and then give them a C-string and tell them if they can wear it for 8 hours, I'll hug them then. But only after they had really, really, really washed their hands. On that note, I think that is enough about vaginas, hugging and ducks.
That's a wrap.
That was too funny! A great way to end my night at the Glass Palace! Thank you for the ice cream treat. I felt that I know way more about a piece of personal item I did not know existed and probably should not have known existed. The things that people invent! How come I can not think of it?!?!
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