So, I was invited to a nakie party (a party at a location where clothing is optional). I don't know about this. I mean, first of all, I'd like to say, I have no problem with nudity and people who want to be naked. I especially like it when people like Channing Tatum want to be naked. This is a good kind of naked. I don't care if he is sweaty or dirty or whatever. He has earned the right to be naked in a public setting. I'm not saying I'm superficial, but I'm not saying that I'm not either. I just think that there are a lot of pretty people that like to be clothed and a lot of...shall we say..."real" people that like to be naked. I wouldn't expect to go public all naked, not in this body. Who wants to see that? I'm just lucky that Will has bad eyesight and that he loves me. Love forgives many imperfections. My point is, going to a nakie party seems like a lot of awkwardness.
One of my work pals invited me and she really enjoys the nakie lifestyle. I enjoy the nakie lifestyle too, but only in my own home...with the blinds down. And, I'm going to be frank here, while I don't think nudity is a big deal, I don't want to see my co-workers naked. I can just see it now, I'm at the water fountain and I see nakie guy from the party, "Hey Saggy Malone, did you get that sun spot on your ass checked out? I think it could be pre-cancerous." Or maybe I now know that Trixie Tube Boob has a tattoo on her belly button that wraps around and disappears into her butt crack. I don't want to know. Seeing these people dressed, in business casual attire, maybe even occasionally in shorts, is all I ever want to see.
And let's talk about food. It's supposed to be a taco feed. What if someone has a stray tomato or olive on their boob and I say something about it, then all the sudden, I'm looking at their lady parts. I don't want to. Or I say, "I think you have salsa on your penis...oh, wait...never mind...you should really see a doctor about that...." Or, maybe we are all sitting on plastic chairs and I happen to know that Saggy Malone is really sweaty from playing volleyball. He gets up and says, "You can have my chair, I'm gonna go get another taco." I know that his sweaty "buddies" have been touching that chair. I don't want to sit there. What if he goes to eat his taco and drops sour cream all over his junk? Try not to look at that hot mess. It just seems awkward. I guess it would for someone like me who isn't used to letting it all hang out. I mean, I rarely leave the house without a bra on. And I don't even have big hooters. Actually, that is probably why I do wear one, so that people will know I am a girl. With enough padding, anyone can have boobs. Anyway, back to the taco feed. What if someone has been scratching their ass, boob cleavage or pits and then grabs a handful of chips? Ew. And, I'm not saying naked people are gross, that isn't it. I'm just saying, "what if?" A person needs to ask these questions to be prepared for these types of events.
Now, let's talk about the dancing. There is supposed to be music. If Trixie Tube Boob starts getting down with her bad self, where will I look? I mean, people dancing is funny. People dancing naked sounds scary...and possibly dangerous. It's all fun and games until your boobs slap somebody and gives them a welt. And, what if Saggy Malone decides to make his pee-pee dance? I'm not ready for that. I just don't know if I could be mature about it. I know, I know, it's just the human body, it's no big deal. And everyone has one, fully equipped with boy or girl parts...and some people have both. That is where the term "moobs" came from. Man boobs exist. I've seen them. I just don't know about going public naked. I know clothing is optional, so I wouldn't have to go naked, but what if I got liquered up? What if people wanted me to get all naked because they wanted to post to Facebook that I'm a nakie club member? What if I start taking my clothes off and then I'm all like, "Look at me? I'm sexy..." and I start putting my boobs in their face? I mean, I'd have to do some lifting to do that, but still. Or I started singing, "I'm too sexy for my shirt....so sexy it hurts...." Then, there is a You Tube video, it goes viral, I get people asking me to do fat girl porn, I get fired because I am inappropriate in the social media sites, then I end up jobless, but then get a job at "Fat Baby Espresso" and have to do a little jiggle dance with every hot cup of joe? Then I have to get tattoo's to complete the look. What if? You people think it can't happen, but this is how people end up on the Jerry Springer show.
I don't think I'm ready for a nakie party.
One of my work pals invited me and she really enjoys the nakie lifestyle. I enjoy the nakie lifestyle too, but only in my own home...with the blinds down. And, I'm going to be frank here, while I don't think nudity is a big deal, I don't want to see my co-workers naked. I can just see it now, I'm at the water fountain and I see nakie guy from the party, "Hey Saggy Malone, did you get that sun spot on your ass checked out? I think it could be pre-cancerous." Or maybe I now know that Trixie Tube Boob has a tattoo on her belly button that wraps around and disappears into her butt crack. I don't want to know. Seeing these people dressed, in business casual attire, maybe even occasionally in shorts, is all I ever want to see.
And let's talk about food. It's supposed to be a taco feed. What if someone has a stray tomato or olive on their boob and I say something about it, then all the sudden, I'm looking at their lady parts. I don't want to. Or I say, "I think you have salsa on your penis...oh, wait...never mind...you should really see a doctor about that...." Or, maybe we are all sitting on plastic chairs and I happen to know that Saggy Malone is really sweaty from playing volleyball. He gets up and says, "You can have my chair, I'm gonna go get another taco." I know that his sweaty "buddies" have been touching that chair. I don't want to sit there. What if he goes to eat his taco and drops sour cream all over his junk? Try not to look at that hot mess. It just seems awkward. I guess it would for someone like me who isn't used to letting it all hang out. I mean, I rarely leave the house without a bra on. And I don't even have big hooters. Actually, that is probably why I do wear one, so that people will know I am a girl. With enough padding, anyone can have boobs. Anyway, back to the taco feed. What if someone has been scratching their ass, boob cleavage or pits and then grabs a handful of chips? Ew. And, I'm not saying naked people are gross, that isn't it. I'm just saying, "what if?" A person needs to ask these questions to be prepared for these types of events.
Now, let's talk about the dancing. There is supposed to be music. If Trixie Tube Boob starts getting down with her bad self, where will I look? I mean, people dancing is funny. People dancing naked sounds scary...and possibly dangerous. It's all fun and games until your boobs slap somebody and gives them a welt. And, what if Saggy Malone decides to make his pee-pee dance? I'm not ready for that. I just don't know if I could be mature about it. I know, I know, it's just the human body, it's no big deal. And everyone has one, fully equipped with boy or girl parts...and some people have both. That is where the term "moobs" came from. Man boobs exist. I've seen them. I just don't know about going public naked. I know clothing is optional, so I wouldn't have to go naked, but what if I got liquered up? What if people wanted me to get all naked because they wanted to post to Facebook that I'm a nakie club member? What if I start taking my clothes off and then I'm all like, "Look at me? I'm sexy..." and I start putting my boobs in their face? I mean, I'd have to do some lifting to do that, but still. Or I started singing, "I'm too sexy for my shirt....so sexy it hurts...." Then, there is a You Tube video, it goes viral, I get people asking me to do fat girl porn, I get fired because I am inappropriate in the social media sites, then I end up jobless, but then get a job at "Fat Baby Espresso" and have to do a little jiggle dance with every hot cup of joe? Then I have to get tattoo's to complete the look. What if? You people think it can't happen, but this is how people end up on the Jerry Springer show.
I don't think I'm ready for a nakie party.
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