I was robbed at Wendy's...

Will and I were out and about today, even though it was foolish to venture out on the day after Christmas.  None the less, we were in the thick of it.  We fought bad driving, crowds and general post Christmas sale hysteria, and survived. 

I noticed on the way home that Will had some coupons for free Jr. Frosty's at Wendy's.  After our day, I thought we deserved a little treat.  I asked Will if he just found these coupons or what.  He said he had made a donation to some sort of children's charity and got these coupons.  Sweet.  We went through the drive-thru and some scowly faced girl gave us our two Frosty's.  I mean, we must have been the most horrible people ever to just get our free stuff and nothing else.  We should have felt dirty, I suppose. 

Anyway, I don't know what the scowly girl's problem was since the Frosty's were so small I thought they were key chains at first. It's not like Wendy's lost any money there.  That Wendy is a stingy ice cream hoarder, if you ask me.  Then, I took the lid off and realized the size of the Frosty cup was so small, my spoon barely fit in there.  If they were smart they would give you super small spoons so that you would really think you were getting a big serving.  I know flies that would have starved to death on one of these things.  I mean, I don't know what flies eat, aside from crap, but it seems like a directly proportionate amount. 

I posted my outrage on my Facebook account tonight about the size of the Frosty and I was advised  two things.  First, I was advised that this could be directly related to childhood obesity.  Well, America, you are a day late and a dollar short on that one, so give me a REAL sized Frosty.  Then I was told, "it's free, what are you complaining about?"  To which I said, "I don't care if it was free, I still feel robbed."  And  besides, Will gave money to the children's fund, where is OUR love?  If Wendy's really cared about the children, they wouldn't scrimp on their free Jr. Frosty's.  I mean, who is going to be motivated to save those children at this point? 

I took a picture of the Frosty next to a water bottle and a little stuffed pound pony to show actual size. My pound pony could kick that Frosty's ass.

I broke the bra sales lady

Shopping. I hate it. In addition to being attacked by a toddler at Applebees last night, I was also accosted by a sales lady. But, unlike the unfinished business I had with the toddler, I took care of the sales lady. I like to think I broke her.

I was looking for a new bra.  Now, I will preface this with the normal self-hatred of my body.  You see, a lot of chubby girls get to have big boobs.  Not me. Everything else is big, but not my hooters.  I'm a little bitter about this, but I like to think I have  adjusted.  Finding a bra that fits is an impossibility because the makers of all clothes think if you are a size whatever around the middle, your hooters must be volumptuous. I speak for all small boobed fat girls when I say, "American designers and child labor of third world countries, this is not true!" I have learned to adjust and "alter" my bras and make it work without looking like I have inverted boobs. Now, if Victoria Secret wasn't a bunch of skinny, big-boobed angel freaks, they might make something that would "lift and separate," on me, but no, they cater to model sizes ranging all the way up to average sizes...and babycakes, I am  above average. Anyway, that is the preamble to my story.

First off, our perky sales girl had already approached me several times trying to push her ugly sweaters.  They were, afterall, on sale for $12.99.  I don't care if they were free, I didn't want them. The perky sales girl also asked me if I wanted a bra fitting, it appeared she was an expert.  I declined.  I did try on a couple of shirts and looked as ridiculous as I thought I might. Finally, I gave up, went over and picked a bra that I thought would give me the least amount of trouble.  I brought it up front and my Mom says, "did you try it on?"  I said, "no, I don't need to."  Mom had now alarmed the perky sales girl.  Perky said, "Now, you better go try it on!"  I said, "I don't need to, it will be fine."  Perky said, "how do you know, what if it doesn't work?"  I said, "it will work."  She wasn't buying my story.  I said, "look, there isn't a bra made that fits this body."  She says, "That's not true, I can work miracles."  I said, "not on this body you can't.  Look, I've got a big girth and little boobs, YOU can't help me."  She said, "oh, but I have tricks that can help!"  I told her, "oh, like buying a size smaller and using extender things so it fits around the middle and so the cups aren't so big? I already do that."  She was not deterred, she still felt she had the secret to my happiness.  She says, "have you tried those inserts?"  "Yes, I've not only tried them, I wear them daily and my boobs still rattle around in there like marbles in a cup."  I shook my shoulders for effect and shimmied a little. "See?" I said.  I finally told her, "Look, I promise I will buy this bra and no matter how much it sucks, I will never bring it back to you for return and I will suck it up and live with the reality that I will never own a bra that fits."  You could see it in her eyes...I was the one that got away.  I like to call it a victory, she was perky, and I broke her.

I sported the bra all day today.  It pinches a little on the side, but I'll live.  I wonder if Perky has a cure for that?

WARNING: Hoodie sweatshirts hazardous at Applebees

Life has been pretty stressful and pretty crazy the last couple of weeks.  There have been many rants in my head and many reasons to blog my Angry Pony rants, but none of them seemed appropriate since many of them revolved around my father's stay in the hospital and his passing.  Even in death we must find some sort of humor in order to survive and keep from crying all the time, but I held back none the less. 

I have missed some work in light of the situation.  I missed an open house hiring event, screening, interviews, making more snowflakes and many other "fun" adventures that would have been good blog fodder.  I've had a bit of a dry spell, you might say.  Tonight I would like to just have a small rant to get back into the swing of things.

Mom and I spent some time together this afternoon and then decided to go to Applebees for dinner.  Now, I wasn't looking super hot.  I was wearing a red hoodie sweatshirt and my hair was a bit scraggly, but not in a homeless way, just in a "I don't give a crap" way.  Mom and I were immediately sat down in a spacious booth. It wasn't too crowded and it was relaxing.  Hotter than the hubs of hell, but relaxing.  Then, a woman-child shows up with her year and half year old daughter and was sat in the booth directly behind me.  I think the little girls name was Kaitlyn and she had a pony tail sticking straight up on the top of her head.  She was trouble.  Kaitlyn immediately decided that she was going to face my mom and I and wave.  Isn't that cute? Why yes, it was.  Mom waved back.  The people in the other booths waved to her.  Isn't she precious?
Mom said, "She is really cute, and she is really quiet too."  I said, "for now."

I was sitting there minding my own business when Kaitlyn decided to throw her little baggie of juice and snacks right next to me in my purse.  Her mother was very apologetic and I returned the childs stuff and smiled sweetly, "that's ok."  I'd now like to talk about what is NOT okay.  I was sitting there eating my dinner when all of the sudden, my hood was grabbed and yanked...hard...three times.  Isn't she precious?  My Mom almost shot pop out her nose as my eyes got big and my head jerked backwards. I then scootched over so she couldn't reach me, but apparently Kaitlyn had some sort of monkey training because she was all over the place.  Just when I thought they were leaving and I was safe, I sat back up straight.  Kaitlyn apparently really liked me because she grabbed a chunk of my hair and gave it a good jerk.  I don't really know what the appropriate way to handle that situation, but thanks to all the cold medication I have been taking, my cat-like reflexes were dulled.  As it stands, Kaitlyn lived.  It was her lucky day.

So, I say to you, my friends, let this be a lesson.  Do not wear hoodie sweatshirts to Applebees...or any other place where booths and children are allowed to mix.  It's a serious hazard. And, if your child is Kaitlyn, give her a spanking every once in a while, eh?