For the third night in a row, I can't sleep. No clue why, other than the man-cold I have. Shark Bait said he couldn't sleep either, but that only lasted like 90 seconds. I was like, hey, he can't sleep, I can't sleep, we should totally get busy. And then I was like, we both have man-colds, we can't do that, that's gross. Geriatric sex is one thing, but common-cold geriatric sex, that's not a thing.
Anyway, so then I started thinking about boring stuff so I could maybe fall asleep. It went something like this:
What am I going to wear tomorrow? I don't know. Jeans? Meh, I don't really have a pair I like right now. I should look for a pair online...no, you're poor, stop it. What about a dress? Okay, but which one? I just wore black today, 90% of my wardrobe is black right now, but the blue one hugs my back fat. What shoes would I wear? Or would I wear boots? Tough questions. This isn't helping. By the way, I think I need a different shampoo. The shampoo I got at Costco doesn't seem to be making my hair shiny like the bottle says. Buncha bullshit is what that is. If you say it has Moroccan oil in it, it really should shine that mop up, you know? I wonder if I should take it back? I've been looking at myself lately, I am looking old. I need a make-over. Am I a narcissist? I probably take too many selfies. Do fat narcissists exist? Probably. That's it, I'm never taking a selfie again. Who wants to see my mug all the time? No one. I still can't sleep. I should read a book. What kind of book? I don't know, maybe I need to read a romance novel. I haven't read one of those in forever. Maybe I need some escape in my life, you know, like one of those king and queen medieval times ones where the men come and are all large and in charge and the innocent maiden is all bound up in a corset. You know what is gross about that? They have all this sex in those books and the people literally had chamber pots back then. Gross. Her kitty must have smelled awful. Like, they bathed once a month or something. It isn't like they used condoms. So primitive. How come I never thought of that before when I used to read those stories? What the hell is a matter with me? I've been jaded by life. My sense of romance is apparently GONE. Or is it? I mean, maybe...Shark Bait and I are kind of like, "are we ever gonna do it again?" and the other answers, "yeah..." This is depressing, I need a new train of thought...
Let's think about something else. I'm going to get a new pony. When? I don't know, but when I do, it's going to be magical, and I'm going to live on a farm and have a cute house and an arena and a cute barn and I'm probably going to win the lottery. Who are you kidding, you aren't winning the lottery. What if you really do have to live in a cardboard box or you're homeless? Or, what if you have to live in an old people's home and you are all alone because Shark Bait already kicked it and then there you are, all alone and you can't really speak and some mean nurse comes in, her name is Jean and she is mean to you and burns cigarettes in your arm or spanks you whenever you wet the bed. Jean's all upset because this is the life she has carved out for her and her daughter never calls and her husband is a cheating son-of-a-bitch that gambles all their money away. Jean didn't ask for this life and now she has a bout of diverticulitis and she really has nothing to be happy about. And, then, there I am, just laying there waiting to die. Okay, okay, calm down, we are just trying to go to sleep here, not start crying. Think about something else...
Why am I still awake? We had a reasonable dinner. Chicken breast with some salad with veggies in it. That is a pretty healthy choice. I should eat like that every day. I should write all my food stuff down or put it in my MyFitnessPal app. Why don't I do that? Because I'm a lazy loser. Hey, none of that negative talk. Why are the neighbors dogs barking? Probably some creep in the hood. I hope they don't come and break in and kill Shark Bait and I in our sleep...if I could go to sleep. I wonder if that gluten-free, dairy free brownie thing I made is making me stay awake. It had pure maple syrup instead of sugar in it. I wonder if maple syrup is like an anti-sleep serum and I'm never going to be able to sleep. I could take some Xanax, but then I can't get up in the morning. Now what? I could go out and blog...or look on Facebook. No, don't look at FB, you'll get sucked in. Next thing you know you're posting all these stupid meme's and ordering some new version of Spanx and some new fangled vitamins that help you lose weight and help your memory. I could look on Pinterest for bullet journaling ideas...no that's dumb. I could Google some stuff that I can't at work...but what? I can't think of anything right now. Speaking of work, I totally need to finish those expense reports tomorrow. I don't want to go to work tomorrow. What am I going to wear tomorrow? Is it going to be cold again? The problem is, if it is cold outside, it will be hot inside and then I'll sweat like a whore in church on Sunday. And what shoes will I wear? I need more brown shoes. Like a pair of shorty brown boots. I should look for some online...
Maybe I'll go blog about all my thoughts and that will make me tired...? I kinda want another piece of brownie. No. I could get a drink of water. Then, sure enough, when I do get to sleep, I'll have to pee. Just keep working those mouth sweaters you have going on right now and buck up.
I'm still not tired. I'll just look at FB for a few minutes. Wow, my blogging is at the all time low of lows. Good Lord. I need a blog intervention. When did I start sucking this bad?
Does anyone know of any good romance novel titles?
Anyway, so then I started thinking about boring stuff so I could maybe fall asleep. It went something like this:
What am I going to wear tomorrow? I don't know. Jeans? Meh, I don't really have a pair I like right now. I should look for a pair online...no, you're poor, stop it. What about a dress? Okay, but which one? I just wore black today, 90% of my wardrobe is black right now, but the blue one hugs my back fat. What shoes would I wear? Or would I wear boots? Tough questions. This isn't helping. By the way, I think I need a different shampoo. The shampoo I got at Costco doesn't seem to be making my hair shiny like the bottle says. Buncha bullshit is what that is. If you say it has Moroccan oil in it, it really should shine that mop up, you know? I wonder if I should take it back? I've been looking at myself lately, I am looking old. I need a make-over. Am I a narcissist? I probably take too many selfies. Do fat narcissists exist? Probably. That's it, I'm never taking a selfie again. Who wants to see my mug all the time? No one. I still can't sleep. I should read a book. What kind of book? I don't know, maybe I need to read a romance novel. I haven't read one of those in forever. Maybe I need some escape in my life, you know, like one of those king and queen medieval times ones where the men come and are all large and in charge and the innocent maiden is all bound up in a corset. You know what is gross about that? They have all this sex in those books and the people literally had chamber pots back then. Gross. Her kitty must have smelled awful. Like, they bathed once a month or something. It isn't like they used condoms. So primitive. How come I never thought of that before when I used to read those stories? What the hell is a matter with me? I've been jaded by life. My sense of romance is apparently GONE. Or is it? I mean, maybe...Shark Bait and I are kind of like, "are we ever gonna do it again?" and the other answers, "yeah..." This is depressing, I need a new train of thought...
Let's think about something else. I'm going to get a new pony. When? I don't know, but when I do, it's going to be magical, and I'm going to live on a farm and have a cute house and an arena and a cute barn and I'm probably going to win the lottery. Who are you kidding, you aren't winning the lottery. What if you really do have to live in a cardboard box or you're homeless? Or, what if you have to live in an old people's home and you are all alone because Shark Bait already kicked it and then there you are, all alone and you can't really speak and some mean nurse comes in, her name is Jean and she is mean to you and burns cigarettes in your arm or spanks you whenever you wet the bed. Jean's all upset because this is the life she has carved out for her and her daughter never calls and her husband is a cheating son-of-a-bitch that gambles all their money away. Jean didn't ask for this life and now she has a bout of diverticulitis and she really has nothing to be happy about. And, then, there I am, just laying there waiting to die. Okay, okay, calm down, we are just trying to go to sleep here, not start crying. Think about something else...
Why am I still awake? We had a reasonable dinner. Chicken breast with some salad with veggies in it. That is a pretty healthy choice. I should eat like that every day. I should write all my food stuff down or put it in my MyFitnessPal app. Why don't I do that? Because I'm a lazy loser. Hey, none of that negative talk. Why are the neighbors dogs barking? Probably some creep in the hood. I hope they don't come and break in and kill Shark Bait and I in our sleep...if I could go to sleep. I wonder if that gluten-free, dairy free brownie thing I made is making me stay awake. It had pure maple syrup instead of sugar in it. I wonder if maple syrup is like an anti-sleep serum and I'm never going to be able to sleep. I could take some Xanax, but then I can't get up in the morning. Now what? I could go out and blog...or look on Facebook. No, don't look at FB, you'll get sucked in. Next thing you know you're posting all these stupid meme's and ordering some new version of Spanx and some new fangled vitamins that help you lose weight and help your memory. I could look on Pinterest for bullet journaling ideas...no that's dumb. I could Google some stuff that I can't at work...but what? I can't think of anything right now. Speaking of work, I totally need to finish those expense reports tomorrow. I don't want to go to work tomorrow. What am I going to wear tomorrow? Is it going to be cold again? The problem is, if it is cold outside, it will be hot inside and then I'll sweat like a whore in church on Sunday. And what shoes will I wear? I need more brown shoes. Like a pair of shorty brown boots. I should look for some online...
Maybe I'll go blog about all my thoughts and that will make me tired...? I kinda want another piece of brownie. No. I could get a drink of water. Then, sure enough, when I do get to sleep, I'll have to pee. Just keep working those mouth sweaters you have going on right now and buck up.
I'm still not tired. I'll just look at FB for a few minutes. Wow, my blogging is at the all time low of lows. Good Lord. I need a blog intervention. When did I start sucking this bad?
Does anyone know of any good romance novel titles?
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