There has been a lot of stress in life lately. It's been kind of hard to feel like writing or working through it in the blog as I often do. I also have not really been able to vent about much of it either, which you know Angry Pony LOVES to do. Angry Pony has actually been pretty tame for a while now, which saddens me. Just so you know, that Angry Pony still exists, she is in there fighting the fight every day. I let her out occasionally. As a matter of fact, she came out to play just the other day...
It was last Friday, to be exact. I had been given a project to update a spreadsheet that was all about being prepared for an emergency. I already attend monthly meetings on safety for the building, plus assist with the departmental safety team for our floor. We've got it covered., or so I thought. Apparently, there is an emergency preparedness site that also needs all the I's dotted and the T's crossed to make sure we are REALLY ready if shit goes down. This site requires that we fill out this spreadsheet with what we are ready for, what we haven't covered yet and what we are currently working on getting updated. I saw this spreadsheet and I am certain my eyes rolled back in my head. I was instantly pissed. I hate crap like this. Alas, the boss asked me to do it, so I guess I'll dive in, bad attitude or not. The emergency preparedness spreadsheet didn't care that I was on the verge of Shark Week. The emergency preparedness spreadsheet didn't care that I didn't care about all these damn questions. I threw an internal temper-tantrum, snipped at a few people and then resigned myself to the task at hand (also known as the Administrative Stages of Grief).
I start reading the questions and I am instantly annoyed. The questions they are asking are redundant and ridiculous. Look, I get it, being prepared for a major event or even a minor one is important. I don't mean to take safety lightly. Really, I don't. We have actually had a couple of situations come up over the last couple years that have tested our level of preparedness, so know when I vent about the following, it's just venting. I don't need a lecture on that one time you were stranded in Iceland with only a cigarette lighter and a light jacket, in the dead of winter on Christmas Eve and Santa couldn't see your rescue fire, okay?
Anyway, I'm checking the stupid boxes and having a full on pissed off conversation with myself at my desk when I get to some really stupid shit.
I assumed the stance, I got the angry, crazy eyes and warmed up my poking finger and I said something like, "Can you please tell me why in the hell I am filling out and emergency preparedness spreadsheet that is asking about who is going to call the vending machine guy?? Like, I need to assign someone to call the vending machine guy in the case of a catastrophic event? Are you shitting me? If the BIG ONE hits us and the roads are demolished, do you think the vending machine company is going to beam Scotty down here to give us Sour Patch Kids and Cool Ranch Doritos???!!!" My boss remained calm. She said, "Now, this isn't necessarily for a catastrophic event. Say, for example we have a sniper on the roof or across the street and no one can leave, having those vending machines full would be important. And sleeping bags and water..." I cut her off and continued in angry disbelief, "SO YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT IF THERE IS A FREAKING SNIPER ON THE ROOF, JAMES BOND THE VENDING MACHINE GUY IS GOING TO COME IN HERE??!!! I DON'T THINK SO! What are they gonna do, put a Kevlar vest on him, some sort of helmet and a bullet proof box of Twix, say a little prayer, slap him on the ass and send his dumb ass over the skybridge? Are you kidding me???!!! Oh, sorry ma'am, your son died trying to get Twizzlers and M&M's to the hostages in the Glass Palace. I don't think so. NO ONE is coming for us, I don't care if Betty White is in here needing a Snickers, it ain't happening! I've seen the vending machine guy, he ain't that tough." I stood there wild-eyed with an elevated heart rate totally fired up. My boss just busted up laughing. She said, "Okay, maybe that is a bad example, but there may be times when having that vending machine full is critical." I said, "Well, what if no one can get to us? You think Sodexho is going to helicopter something in? I think the vending machine company is going to have bigger problems than our need for chocolate. Besides, if the BIG ONE hits Seattle, we are good as dead. This building is coming down on us and we are going to get squished and we are dying here, do you hear me? Dying here. Guts squished out everywhere."
I think my boss may have sensed she was not going to win this battle. She said, "Maybe we should work on this together on Monday when you've had some time out of the office."
Subsequently, Monday came and went. I never saw the spreadsheet again. I believe she filled it out on her own and sent it in. I think it's safe to say that my name is likely listed as the person that is going to contact the vending machine guy if we do actually have a disaster. I'm probably also the one that is assigned to paying attention. I just have a feeling about it.
Anyway, I hope all of you have considered these things at your respective places of employment. What I would suggest is finding out who is in charge of the vending machine and befriending them, because that, my friends, is how you are going to survive a major event. Just saying.
Be safe out there...and carry an extra Twix with you in your purse or backpack.
It was last Friday, to be exact. I had been given a project to update a spreadsheet that was all about being prepared for an emergency. I already attend monthly meetings on safety for the building, plus assist with the departmental safety team for our floor. We've got it covered., or so I thought. Apparently, there is an emergency preparedness site that also needs all the I's dotted and the T's crossed to make sure we are REALLY ready if shit goes down. This site requires that we fill out this spreadsheet with what we are ready for, what we haven't covered yet and what we are currently working on getting updated. I saw this spreadsheet and I am certain my eyes rolled back in my head. I was instantly pissed. I hate crap like this. Alas, the boss asked me to do it, so I guess I'll dive in, bad attitude or not. The emergency preparedness spreadsheet didn't care that I was on the verge of Shark Week. The emergency preparedness spreadsheet didn't care that I didn't care about all these damn questions. I threw an internal temper-tantrum, snipped at a few people and then resigned myself to the task at hand (also known as the Administrative Stages of Grief).
I start reading the questions and I am instantly annoyed. The questions they are asking are redundant and ridiculous. Look, I get it, being prepared for a major event or even a minor one is important. I don't mean to take safety lightly. Really, I don't. We have actually had a couple of situations come up over the last couple years that have tested our level of preparedness, so know when I vent about the following, it's just venting. I don't need a lecture on that one time you were stranded in Iceland with only a cigarette lighter and a light jacket, in the dead of winter on Christmas Eve and Santa couldn't see your rescue fire, okay?
Anyway, I'm checking the stupid boxes and having a full on pissed off conversation with myself at my desk when I get to some really stupid shit.
- "Estimated time to make a decision?" Is this a real fucking question? I don't know? Which people am I trapped with? Like, someone with common sense or Betty White who is in need of a Snickers bar before she can decide whether to pick her nose or wipe it on her sleeve? How can I possibly answer that question? Just the time it was taking me to answer the questions was a clear indicator of how screwed we are in the event of an actual emergency.
- "Do you have someone appointed to paying attention to communicating about the evacuation?" Seriously? It's bad enough trying to find someone that pays attention on the daily, now you have limited me to the people that just happen to be around at the time of an emergency that I don't know when it will be? You don't normally plan emergencies, right? I have to assign someone to pay attention? We are as good a dead.
- "How long will it take you to get everyone paper order forms?" Wait, what kind of emergency are we talking about here? I mean, it's an emergency, but my people are still taking calls? What kind of an emergency is it? Like, we are out of toilet paper in the bathroom? The power is out and we are running on a generator? Or, was the city just destroyed by a massive Tsunami? How long will it take me to make copies? I don't know...am I having to hand write them with my bad hand because the good one was blown off in an explosion? Did all the paper get blown up? Am I re-assembling sheets of paper? Are we taking orders via chisel and stone? How can I truthfully answer that question?
- "How long will it take you to notify contacts that the lines are down?" Stop. If the lines are down, how in the hell are we going to tell anyone? Smoke signal? Pony Express? By boat? I'm so confused.
I assumed the stance, I got the angry, crazy eyes and warmed up my poking finger and I said something like, "Can you please tell me why in the hell I am filling out and emergency preparedness spreadsheet that is asking about who is going to call the vending machine guy?? Like, I need to assign someone to call the vending machine guy in the case of a catastrophic event? Are you shitting me? If the BIG ONE hits us and the roads are demolished, do you think the vending machine company is going to beam Scotty down here to give us Sour Patch Kids and Cool Ranch Doritos???!!!" My boss remained calm. She said, "Now, this isn't necessarily for a catastrophic event. Say, for example we have a sniper on the roof or across the street and no one can leave, having those vending machines full would be important. And sleeping bags and water..." I cut her off and continued in angry disbelief, "SO YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT IF THERE IS A FREAKING SNIPER ON THE ROOF, JAMES BOND THE VENDING MACHINE GUY IS GOING TO COME IN HERE??!!! I DON'T THINK SO! What are they gonna do, put a Kevlar vest on him, some sort of helmet and a bullet proof box of Twix, say a little prayer, slap him on the ass and send his dumb ass over the skybridge? Are you kidding me???!!! Oh, sorry ma'am, your son died trying to get Twizzlers and M&M's to the hostages in the Glass Palace. I don't think so. NO ONE is coming for us, I don't care if Betty White is in here needing a Snickers, it ain't happening! I've seen the vending machine guy, he ain't that tough." I stood there wild-eyed with an elevated heart rate totally fired up. My boss just busted up laughing. She said, "Okay, maybe that is a bad example, but there may be times when having that vending machine full is critical." I said, "Well, what if no one can get to us? You think Sodexho is going to helicopter something in? I think the vending machine company is going to have bigger problems than our need for chocolate. Besides, if the BIG ONE hits Seattle, we are good as dead. This building is coming down on us and we are going to get squished and we are dying here, do you hear me? Dying here. Guts squished out everywhere."
I think my boss may have sensed she was not going to win this battle. She said, "Maybe we should work on this together on Monday when you've had some time out of the office."
Subsequently, Monday came and went. I never saw the spreadsheet again. I believe she filled it out on her own and sent it in. I think it's safe to say that my name is likely listed as the person that is going to contact the vending machine guy if we do actually have a disaster. I'm probably also the one that is assigned to paying attention. I just have a feeling about it.
Anyway, I hope all of you have considered these things at your respective places of employment. What I would suggest is finding out who is in charge of the vending machine and befriending them, because that, my friends, is how you are going to survive a major event. Just saying.
Be safe out there...and carry an extra Twix with you in your purse or backpack.
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