Sassy Pants said I had to blog tonight. She isn't really the boss of me, but maybe this will shut 'er up.
Today was my first workday of 2015. I hardly slept at all last night between the high winds and thoughts of what my new boss would be like. After months and months of searching, they had apparently found "the one" that would fill the position Four Feet of Fury had left. My mind reeled with thoughts of what she would be like and if I would have to find a new job or what. I have a lot of time invested into the Palace and the people in it, I so didn't want the worst to happen.
After tossing and turning, I finally got up and got ready for work ahead of schedule. I took some new vitamins I had just purchased the day before that would hopefully give me some energy. The box said they were for "Energy Boost and Metabolism." That is exactly what I needed since I never want to get out of bed anymore and I live the life of a blob. I grabbed my protein shake and pony lunch bag and I was ready. Well, almost. I had to get my coat. I went to grab my coat off the hanger so I could leave and all the sudden, pain shot through my middle finger. I jerked back and there was blood everywhere. Shark Bait has his favorite ball cap hanging next to my coat and that ball cap just happens to be sporting a huge fish hook. Holy mother of all stuffed ponies in the universe, it freaking hurt and now I had lanced open my flip-em-off finger. Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck. Shark Bait came running over to check the damage. As luck would have it, we didn't need to call 9-1-1, we would be able to manage this with a bandage. This was not how I wanted to start the day.
I managed to drive in to work without any further incident. Unless you count my CD in the stereo that apparently had a scratch in it. I'm trying to listen to Usher and friends yell, "yeah, yeah!....I wanna lady in street but a freak in the bed....yeah, yeah...." and it kept skipping. I was in the mood for gangsta. I guess the vitamins were kicking in. There may even have been head-bobbing/neck-jerking involved. Or, as Dad would have called it Shuckin' and Jivin'. Anyway, I made it to work ahead of New Boss.
As I sat there waiting for New Boss to arrive, Stiletto Barbie came to see if she could get a glimpse at the new kid in town. What she found, was me, ready to have an out of body experience within my body. I don't know what all is in the vitamins I took, but I pretty much felt like a full on concert was going on inside my skin, complete with a mosh pit, booze, possibly drugs and dancing, lots of dancing. However, what you saw on the outside was cool, calm and collected...minus the weird smile and bulgy eyes... and me saying that I couldn't promise there wouldn't be twerking and doing a brief demonstration. This might not have been the best day to debut those new vitamins. On the up side, New Boss was going to think I was energetic and friendly. I'm told these are desirable traits, so I would ride out that story for as long as I could.
And then, something kind of miraculous happened. I saw a lady bug on my desk. Where the hell did that come from? Aren't lady bugs supposed to be good luck? I think this is a good sign! I don't really believe in "signs" but maybe this could be one. I mean, it's a new year and I'm jacked up on vitamins, I could see a unicorn pretty soon.
Finally, New Boss arrived. She seems nice and like a genuine person, which I respect. We actually had the following conversation:
re: discussing getting her picture taken for her badge
Me: "I'm not really big on smiling in pictures, I'm not a teeth smiler and people don't get that. It's irritating."
New Boss: "yeah, I don't like to smile in pictures either. And when people walk by and say "smile" I'm always thinking, 'why? I didn't see you until this moment, why would I be smiling before I saw you?' So, yeah, not big on pictures."
Me: "I always tell people, 'I am smiling...on the inside.'"
I felt like, at that moment, everything was gonna be okay. Common ground. It's good.
I returned to my desk and continued to try and make sense of all the crap, aka work, sitting there. I was moving folders around and cleaning up when I realized I had set a bunch of stuff on my lady bug. Shit. It had been with me all day so far. I lifted the folder and there it was, wings all smooshed out to the sides. I just freaking killed my good luck sign. OH NO! Now what? I can't ever have anything good happen! I killed my luck!
The rest of the day was kind of crazy-busy with getting New Boss set up and catching up after being gone a few days. Monster Energy drink people decided to stop by, the ice machine went down and the one millionth person asked me when the Starz calendars would be in. Seriously, people, buy your own damn calendar. And, if you don't have ice, it is not an apocalyptic situation. You can survive.
And then, Sassy Pants comes up and says, "You need to blog about today and your new boss." I said, "I don't know that blogging about the new boss is really in my best interest, do you?" She said, "you could do a happy, feel-good blog." I just blinked at her. "My blog is Angry Pony, nobody wants to read that sunshiny bullshit." I then considered writing a full blog on nothing but my anger about every person that asked me about getting a new freaking calendar and every person that bitched about the ice machine. Neither item do I own the responsibility of. Nah, I'm letting it go.
I finally made it to my truck and got ready to head home. What is that smell? Kind of an odd smell. Not bad, but not good. No, wait, it wasn't good. Well crikey, was that smell me? In an effort to save myself from possibly getting breast cancer, I had switched to a "natural" deodorant recently. I think that smell was my natural body oil mixing with a natural solution to sweat. Gross. I need my Clinical Strength Secret back! I can't be stinky! I pulled the armpit of my sweater up and smelled it. It wasn't horrifying, but I was one goat farmer away from being the girl no one would ever hug again. Hey...I might be on to something. Maybe that is my problem, I smell too good and people are drawn to me. If I stink it up, I could avoid those unwanted human interactions. No, I can't do it. I like to smell like a frilly girl...when I'm not smelling like a stinky pony.
That reminds me, I need to make up a questionaire for New Boss. I need to know, is she huggy? What is her stance on sarcasm in the workplace? and some other important details. Perhaps tomorrow or next week. I need more time to fully assess her tolerance to my personality. So far, so good, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.
There, Sassy Pants, there is your damn blog.
Today was my first workday of 2015. I hardly slept at all last night between the high winds and thoughts of what my new boss would be like. After months and months of searching, they had apparently found "the one" that would fill the position Four Feet of Fury had left. My mind reeled with thoughts of what she would be like and if I would have to find a new job or what. I have a lot of time invested into the Palace and the people in it, I so didn't want the worst to happen.
After tossing and turning, I finally got up and got ready for work ahead of schedule. I took some new vitamins I had just purchased the day before that would hopefully give me some energy. The box said they were for "Energy Boost and Metabolism." That is exactly what I needed since I never want to get out of bed anymore and I live the life of a blob. I grabbed my protein shake and pony lunch bag and I was ready. Well, almost. I had to get my coat. I went to grab my coat off the hanger so I could leave and all the sudden, pain shot through my middle finger. I jerked back and there was blood everywhere. Shark Bait has his favorite ball cap hanging next to my coat and that ball cap just happens to be sporting a huge fish hook. Holy mother of all stuffed ponies in the universe, it freaking hurt and now I had lanced open my flip-em-off finger. Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck. Shark Bait came running over to check the damage. As luck would have it, we didn't need to call 9-1-1, we would be able to manage this with a bandage. This was not how I wanted to start the day.
I managed to drive in to work without any further incident. Unless you count my CD in the stereo that apparently had a scratch in it. I'm trying to listen to Usher and friends yell, "yeah, yeah!....I wanna lady in street but a freak in the bed....yeah, yeah...." and it kept skipping. I was in the mood for gangsta. I guess the vitamins were kicking in. There may even have been head-bobbing/neck-jerking involved. Or, as Dad would have called it Shuckin' and Jivin'. Anyway, I made it to work ahead of New Boss.
As I sat there waiting for New Boss to arrive, Stiletto Barbie came to see if she could get a glimpse at the new kid in town. What she found, was me, ready to have an out of body experience within my body. I don't know what all is in the vitamins I took, but I pretty much felt like a full on concert was going on inside my skin, complete with a mosh pit, booze, possibly drugs and dancing, lots of dancing. However, what you saw on the outside was cool, calm and collected...minus the weird smile and bulgy eyes... and me saying that I couldn't promise there wouldn't be twerking and doing a brief demonstration. This might not have been the best day to debut those new vitamins. On the up side, New Boss was going to think I was energetic and friendly. I'm told these are desirable traits, so I would ride out that story for as long as I could.
And then, something kind of miraculous happened. I saw a lady bug on my desk. Where the hell did that come from? Aren't lady bugs supposed to be good luck? I think this is a good sign! I don't really believe in "signs" but maybe this could be one. I mean, it's a new year and I'm jacked up on vitamins, I could see a unicorn pretty soon.
Finally, New Boss arrived. She seems nice and like a genuine person, which I respect. We actually had the following conversation:
re: discussing getting her picture taken for her badge
Me: "I'm not really big on smiling in pictures, I'm not a teeth smiler and people don't get that. It's irritating."
New Boss: "yeah, I don't like to smile in pictures either. And when people walk by and say "smile" I'm always thinking, 'why? I didn't see you until this moment, why would I be smiling before I saw you?' So, yeah, not big on pictures."
Me: "I always tell people, 'I am smiling...on the inside.'"
I felt like, at that moment, everything was gonna be okay. Common ground. It's good.
I returned to my desk and continued to try and make sense of all the crap, aka work, sitting there. I was moving folders around and cleaning up when I realized I had set a bunch of stuff on my lady bug. Shit. It had been with me all day so far. I lifted the folder and there it was, wings all smooshed out to the sides. I just freaking killed my good luck sign. OH NO! Now what? I can't ever have anything good happen! I killed my luck!
The rest of the day was kind of crazy-busy with getting New Boss set up and catching up after being gone a few days. Monster Energy drink people decided to stop by, the ice machine went down and the one millionth person asked me when the Starz calendars would be in. Seriously, people, buy your own damn calendar. And, if you don't have ice, it is not an apocalyptic situation. You can survive.
And then, Sassy Pants comes up and says, "You need to blog about today and your new boss." I said, "I don't know that blogging about the new boss is really in my best interest, do you?" She said, "you could do a happy, feel-good blog." I just blinked at her. "My blog is Angry Pony, nobody wants to read that sunshiny bullshit." I then considered writing a full blog on nothing but my anger about every person that asked me about getting a new freaking calendar and every person that bitched about the ice machine. Neither item do I own the responsibility of. Nah, I'm letting it go.
I finally made it to my truck and got ready to head home. What is that smell? Kind of an odd smell. Not bad, but not good. No, wait, it wasn't good. Well crikey, was that smell me? In an effort to save myself from possibly getting breast cancer, I had switched to a "natural" deodorant recently. I think that smell was my natural body oil mixing with a natural solution to sweat. Gross. I need my Clinical Strength Secret back! I can't be stinky! I pulled the armpit of my sweater up and smelled it. It wasn't horrifying, but I was one goat farmer away from being the girl no one would ever hug again. Hey...I might be on to something. Maybe that is my problem, I smell too good and people are drawn to me. If I stink it up, I could avoid those unwanted human interactions. No, I can't do it. I like to smell like a frilly girl...when I'm not smelling like a stinky pony.
That reminds me, I need to make up a questionaire for New Boss. I need to know, is she huggy? What is her stance on sarcasm in the workplace? and some other important details. Perhaps tomorrow or next week. I need more time to fully assess her tolerance to my personality. So far, so good, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.
There, Sassy Pants, there is your damn blog.
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