Due to the holiday, I had "Therapy Thursday" today. Before going in, Stiletto Barbie and myself discussed the usual going's on in our lives and ended up doing what any normal person does when they are trying to diagnose something, we went on Google. We didn't really find what we were looking for, but we did discover that I, and possibly Stiletto Barbie, suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Now, I don't have all the symptoms, but I have some of them, maybe a couple, which pretty much is the same thing as actually having it. Armed with this new knowledge, I went to therapy in hopes I was on the verge of a breakthrough. I would share this discovery with The Rug Doctor. I mean, I'm pretty sure she already knows, but I think it's good if I come out and tell her that I know that she knows.
We started therapy as we normally do, with the niceties, "how's it going...?" I told her, "Well, I have been a real bitch lately and have no empathy for anyone or anything. I have done an exhaustive (at least 5 minutes worth) internet search via Google and believe I know why. I have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). And, Stiletto Barbie may have it, too, we don't know for sure. At first we were upset about it, but then, we were okay with it, which kind of goes along with the symptoms...but you probably already figured it out, but didn't tell us, which we are kind of pissed about, but also don't care. Again, symptomatic." As with all my theories, The Rug Doctor entertained my little excursion into self-diagnosis. She said that most people have a few symptoms of any number of disorders or diseases and that I, nor Stiletto Barbie, had BPD. She cited examples of BPD and went on to say that if I was examining whether I had it or not then I definitely didn't have it. Fine. There goes today's breakthrough moment.
We went on to discuss my bitchiness and loss of empathy, which, again, if I was concerned about my level of empathy, I probably had more empathetic behavior going on than I was giving myself credit for. And, empathy and bitchiness do have a certain co-existence that goes hand in hand. What we had to do was to get the bitch in the drivers seat to maybe relinquish control of the throttle to slow down the metaphoric vehicular assault I was committing with my mouth. And, furthermore, I shouldn't refer to myself as a bitch. Bitchy behavior, perhaps, but labeling myself as a bitch is going too far. I just sat there and blinked at her. I think there is a certain number of people that may strip her of her license if they find out she said that. I then showed her the picture of Maleficent that my face was pasted into that my co-worker, Zumba Barbie, did.
It is possible, I've been walking on the dark side. And, that people have noticed. Shark Bait is likely to agree. I've chewed on him more than a coyote chews on a deer carcass and with all the same ferocity. (Is ferocity a word? I'd better go look that up...please hold...yay! it is!) Not that he hasn't deserved a bit of it, but perhaps not ALL of it. I told the Rug Doctor about Shark Bait's "Bathroom Blindness," for example. She asked what that was. I said, "That is the inability to detect any dirt, mildew or undesirable toilet bowl stains with the naked eye. You are completely blind to anything that needs to be cleaned in the bathroom. You can't see where you flicked your tooth brush at the mirror, the orangey stain in the shower from hard water or anything that needs tending in the toilet...like smudges or rings. Don't make me get graphic. That is Bathroom Blindness and we don't need Google to help us diagnose who, and who does not, have it. I know. Just ask." Turns out she has someone in her house that suffers as well, she just didn't realize there was a medical term for it. Now she knows. At any rate, after lengthy discussion about why I may be letting the bitch drive at high speeds, we decided (and by "we" I mean The Rug Doctor) that perhaps I needed to get the bitch to take mini breaks. Maybe bring the empathy back up a notch and take the bitchiness down a notch. I said, "So, like if I say, 'I"m sorry you're a dumbass.' That is a compromise?" She said, "yes!" She said that people like the snarky bitchiness, maybe just not the one that makes them feel like they were hit by a Mack truck. You know, I did just get recognized last week for my snarkiness in a department-wide email. It was from our VP and he said, and I quote:
"The only award missing is for Cassondra. "The Most" Clever, Snarky, Well Organized, Avoid Taking Credit, Fun Loving, Behind the Scenes get it done....the list could go on and on!"
I've never been recognized for snarkiness before, not on a professional level. I mean, this is BIG. So, I guess people do like it at some level. This is something to consider. She said that because I was feeling bad about being so bitchy, that was a form of empathy, so hope was not lost. She felt like I could take some baby steps in this pursuit of regulating the beast(s) which I know as the Angry Pony(ies) that lie within. I'll get with the group inside my head and see if we can work something out. I'll see if I can get this done before Shark Bait gets home tonight and we have the day off together tomorrow.
Anyway, I don't know if we made any real progress today, but we did decide I should write a book called, "How to NOT Be A Dumbass." After doing an exhaustive Google search (probably for about two minutes), I only found one little one-pager on the subject, but no books. It seems I may have the material for my first publication. Maybe in 2015 I'll become an author or something. I'm sure as hell not getting skinny, so I may as well try something else. At the current rate I get projects done, look for it to come out in early 2025.
On that note, try not to be a dumbass to someone you love and on the flipside, try also not to be a bitch to anyone you love. Let's say good-bye to 2014 peacefully. I'm probably going to write another blog tonight and eat some cookies. That should keep me out of trouble.
We started therapy as we normally do, with the niceties, "how's it going...?" I told her, "Well, I have been a real bitch lately and have no empathy for anyone or anything. I have done an exhaustive (at least 5 minutes worth) internet search via Google and believe I know why. I have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). And, Stiletto Barbie may have it, too, we don't know for sure. At first we were upset about it, but then, we were okay with it, which kind of goes along with the symptoms...but you probably already figured it out, but didn't tell us, which we are kind of pissed about, but also don't care. Again, symptomatic." As with all my theories, The Rug Doctor entertained my little excursion into self-diagnosis. She said that most people have a few symptoms of any number of disorders or diseases and that I, nor Stiletto Barbie, had BPD. She cited examples of BPD and went on to say that if I was examining whether I had it or not then I definitely didn't have it. Fine. There goes today's breakthrough moment.
We went on to discuss my bitchiness and loss of empathy, which, again, if I was concerned about my level of empathy, I probably had more empathetic behavior going on than I was giving myself credit for. And, empathy and bitchiness do have a certain co-existence that goes hand in hand. What we had to do was to get the bitch in the drivers seat to maybe relinquish control of the throttle to slow down the metaphoric vehicular assault I was committing with my mouth. And, furthermore, I shouldn't refer to myself as a bitch. Bitchy behavior, perhaps, but labeling myself as a bitch is going too far. I just sat there and blinked at her. I think there is a certain number of people that may strip her of her license if they find out she said that. I then showed her the picture of Maleficent that my face was pasted into that my co-worker, Zumba Barbie, did.
"The only award missing is for Cassondra. "The Most" Clever, Snarky, Well Organized, Avoid Taking Credit, Fun Loving, Behind the Scenes get it done....the list could go on and on!"
I've never been recognized for snarkiness before, not on a professional level. I mean, this is BIG. So, I guess people do like it at some level. This is something to consider. She said that because I was feeling bad about being so bitchy, that was a form of empathy, so hope was not lost. She felt like I could take some baby steps in this pursuit of regulating the beast(s) which I know as the Angry Pony(ies) that lie within. I'll get with the group inside my head and see if we can work something out. I'll see if I can get this done before Shark Bait gets home tonight and we have the day off together tomorrow.
Anyway, I don't know if we made any real progress today, but we did decide I should write a book called, "How to NOT Be A Dumbass." After doing an exhaustive Google search (probably for about two minutes), I only found one little one-pager on the subject, but no books. It seems I may have the material for my first publication. Maybe in 2015 I'll become an author or something. I'm sure as hell not getting skinny, so I may as well try something else. At the current rate I get projects done, look for it to come out in early 2025.
On that note, try not to be a dumbass to someone you love and on the flipside, try also not to be a bitch to anyone you love. Let's say good-bye to 2014 peacefully. I'm probably going to write another blog tonight and eat some cookies. That should keep me out of trouble.
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