Today's originally scheduled blog, titled, WTF are my #$%& neighbors doing now and why don't they STFU, has been postponed to bring you this kinder, gentler blog...
Progress Report: Paleo Life and the Path to Mental Wellness
Thought I'd check in today and share how life is going. To those of you that are my Facebook friends, which is probably the majority of anyone reading this blog, you've seen that I've been posting my dinner meals and an occasional low-carb treat. Doing so has created a sense of accountability for me and I was hoping it wasn't making everyone on FB roll their eyes. Like, who cares what you're eating and what it looks like? We all know what food looks like! However, I was surprised at how many private messages I received, as well as post comments from people thanking me for posting and inspiring them to eat better. Who knew I would EVER be a food influencer??? Sarcasm influencer, yes. Anger management ally, yes. But food influencer? Who'd have guessed? I guess this is why I share my journey. So many people are struggling, so many people are giving up because it's hard. Giving up leads to pain and depression and it's a horrible cycle. And, if you don't have a good support system, the difficulty level goes up from there.
The struggle is part of the process, unfortunately. I would not be true to myself if I didn't offer full transparency into my journey. I may be posting some great dinners and living clean-ish most of the time, but I fall, too. I still struggle each day. Weekends are the hardest when Shark Bait and I are together all the time and out running to the store or whatever Covid-approved adventure we may be having. I have gotten better in my "cheat" choices when we are out, I will give myself snaps for that. I don't stray now to the degree that I used to. For example, we'll go to Panda Express and I'll get the grilled teriyaki chicken, no sauce, and veggies (broccoli, cabbage, etc.), or maybe we'll go to Chipoltle and I'll get a salad bowl. There are options out there. So, they aren't organic, but they are better than a cheeseburger, fries, Coke, ice cream, grease, fat, etc. I honestly feel a change in my desire to make healthy choices. I will give myself praise for that.
I was able to shed a few more pounds after stopping the program at Symmetria and was excited I was able to do so on my own. However, as no one's journey is a straight line, I have lost and re-gained and re-lost the same 5 pounds several times now. I am finding myself getting frustrated. I don't want to return to old patterns and I feel like I'm getting bogged down. This has lead to some emotional stuff coming out that has complicated life all the more. Being off my anti-depressants is helping me access my inner warrior, but it also allows me to access all the anger, doubt, fear, anxiety and frustration that have plagued me for a lifetime. I start to doubt that maybe I can't be off my meds? I feel a little lost, if I am being honest.
It doesn't help that the world is so crazy right now. It's hard for me to think about the future. The happiness that I feel like I finally have within my reach is being jeopardized by this constant fear of contracting a disease, having our lives turned upside down by current events and the hatred and violence connected to them. Change is often a tumultuous process, but I feel like maybe I wasted too much time in my life and now my true hopes of being happy are not obtainable. It makes me feel defeated, like why bother? I know I am not the only one that feels that way. Sometimes I just cry because I hurt so much. I'm exhausted from the daily fight to keep strong and push forward.
At any rate, without taking this any deeper than that, I'll stop there. I'm going to keep soldiering on because honestly, that is the only option that makes sense, even if tomorrow is not promised. My knees are still sore and working out is a slow process. I'm so scared to hurt them any worse, so I continue to focus on my food choices and doing my 16/8 fasting (fast 16 hours, eat 8 hours). I keep looking for new ways to make the same 'ol stuff more appetizing. I thought about starting a FB page that is just for my wellness journey, but then thought, there are a bazillion sites and groups out there that do that. I don't know that I have the energy to keep a food blog up and again there are a bazillion of those out there, too. That's where I find my stuff. LOL. I'm just a girl standing in front of a pizza asking it to be low-carb. I'm just a random girl that hates to cook but that is good enough at it to not go hungry, clearly. If I can find the ability to do this, anyone can.
I will share some of my recent meals and recipes that I found in case anyone is looking for something new to try. I try and keep it super-simple, because I'm not looking to win any awards for cooking using someone else's recipes.
Today, I even tried a new one, which I'll post first. It is Delicious and would be a great thing to make for summer picnics or BBQ's, you know, if you get one of those masks that has a hole in it so you can shove food through...cuz, safety first.
Low Carb Potato Salad (Cauliflower instead of potatoes)
*** I added sliced black olives, it didn't call for it, but that is just how wild and crazy I am...
Other recent things I've made lately...I have a Paleo Cookbook and I use the Google. It's how I do. No science involved. Sadly, I'm not a huge veggie fan, so I'm struggling with veggie creativity. Working on it though. We have tried turnips in place of potatoes. Result? Meh.
#kneegap
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